THE DEBATE

I finally understand the meaning of the red equality sign. To be honest I think this is a sign of progress in the debate over gay marriage. This entry is not to fight fiercely for gay marriage and certainly not to stand against it. I am a firm believer that things should always be talked out in a civilized manner and that this is the kind of debate that's allowing ignorance to reign supreme. The fact is that you have two sides taking extreme views one way or another with not as many people taking a common sense view.

It doesn't mater if you agree or disagree with gay marriage but it does matter how you defend your view. I can't really support the argument against it because it generally cites the bible as the principal source of moral authority. You can read the bible and quote it as often as you want but, how many members of congress and of the bible belt have been caught violating the very biblical principles that they cite? The fact of the matter is that you cannot use one source as the way to firmly stand against an issue.

Let's really study morality for a second and see what we come up with. If you have a gay couple and they lead a quiet and respectful life, and are upstanding citizens, are they immoral on the basis of being gay? Is it okay to have orgies, threesomes, and sex in public if you are straight? I have heard the whole it was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve deal but once more I say let's all look at the facts. Do we really know that the bible story is true? Everyone has their own set of beliefs from Muslims, to Jews, to Christians, to Atheists but said beliefs are somewhat theoretical and based on more assumption of record than proven and verified.

I think it's also fair to ask if people against gay marriage are living under the assumption that you chose to be gay. It has not been proven if being gay is genetic, a choice, or a matter of conditioning in a specific environment. I think it's fair for gays to want a fair shot at legalizing gay marriage but from state to state it's a debate that's going to vary. In a way I find myself agreeing with Bill O'Reilly's sentiments that it's a state matter and it should be decided as such.

Some places are more liberal than others and I understand that making this a federal issue is more about benefits issues for same sex partnerships, going beyond the whole recognition of a person's chose to openly love with someone of their own gender. Gay marriage, equality, and recognition are all a part of the new civil rights debate that much like the civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's will rage on for a long time to come.

THE POWER OF A TRENDING HEADLINE

Just about everyone that has read a blog of mine knows that I look at trending news the majority of the time. Trending news usually have a headline of some sort that leads the the one million matching articles which for some reason repeat themselves over and over. There was one trending headline that floored the hell out of me today "Bill O'Reilly Gay." I thought for a second that O'Reilly had come out and then I clicked on the headline.

The headline led to articles about O'Reilly's apparent turn on gay marriage. O'Reilly's statement was a strong jab at conservatives that use the bible as their main argument for a ban on gay marriage. I agree with O'Reilly when he says what he says about bible thumping not  being the basis for policy. I still think though that way the trending topic was exposed was absolutely brilliant.

I think that the type of attention a headline like that can get is absolutely incredible and can actually make shinning stars of just about everyone. Trends are something absolutely amazing and as far as Bill O'Reilly, I will get to him soon.

THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER CARSON

When you think of The Tonight Show in terms of its legend you think of everything from Steve Allen to Jack Paar's classic interviews but the only real legend of the the show was Johnny Carson whose 30 year tenure made him the late night measuring stick for generations to come. If you look at the history of the show for the last 20 years you are looking at a late night soap opera. Since Carson made his shocking retirement announcement in 1991 the show has been at the center of some serious controversy.

The first firestorm started when Carson made his announcement setting the stage for a major war between the rightful heir and Carson favorite David Letterman and guest host extraordinaire Jay Leno. Just about everyone initially maligned Carson when truthfully it was the Jay Leno's agent putting pressure on Carson to leave and on NBC to chose Leno. Things on the show only got worst as time passed because of declining ratings, Letterman's move to CBS in the same time slot and Jay Leno's intense agent almost causing dead air during the 1992 elections. After Hugh Grant's Divine Brown bonanza in 1995 the show took a turn of dominance that lasted 14 years.

The 2009 exit of Jay Leno paved the way for low ratings, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno's failed primetime show and a comeback that made Leno the asshole of the 21st century. For the last few months they have talked about Jimmy Fallon becoming Leno's replacement and Leno has begun lobbing bombs at NBC in order to defend his spot. This is why there will never be another Carson.

Jay Leno has done to other people what David Letterman did not do to him. David Letterman was offered the show if Leno failed to turn ratings around during an 18 month period. David Letterman did not do that Jay Leno but Leno did it to O'Brien after 8 months and his own inability to provide NBC with the ratings he provided during his 17 years as Carson's replacement. Johnny Carson was going to leave the show in 1979 and was courted to stay by being allowed ownership of the show and the control over Letterman's show which his company produced.

Jay Leno will never come close to Carson, Conan could not do it and Jimmy Fallon can only dream of that zip code. Face it, there will never ever be another Carson.

BABY WITH A MESSAGE

I have just come up with a great business plan for free childcare. I got the idea from a lady that left her baby in a car with a note at a New Zealand Pack n' Save store. The note was written in first person as if by the baby himself. So here is the business: SHIT MOMMY NOTES! The way the business works is simple, we create notes for all occasions so that when a crack whore mommy, neglectful mommy, unprepared mommy, or bitch mommy puts a kid in a car they can pull the correct note for the correct place and time.

I will now provide our mission statement and that is the following:

The mission of SHIT MOMMY NOTES! is to provide shit mothers the ability to be worst than they actually are.

We have a vison:

Our vision is to give hope to the shit mommies to be, the hope to bring babies to a grim world where there is little to no opportunity for survival.

Yes, we at SHIT MOMMY NOTES! feel that there is a chance for women to neglect the existence of their children and still feel productive and useful. We want to give mommies that opportunity to be absolute crap and feel like they aren't. If you can't tell I'm being completely sarcastic then you really have no business in the human race.

The whole New Zealand thing makes me wonder if we have become so indifferent that a potentially dangerous situation like that has no effect on anyone. The woman that left her baby in a car with a note was not charged because not one person stepped forward to press charges. I will agree that this was not anyone's business but when it comes to a child it should become someone's business. This was a kid being treated like an inanimate object.

This baby had a message all right and that message was that motherhood and parenthood in general is not for everyone. I would say that it's not for the majority of people. Everyone has a great time fucking around but a hard time that comes with the "fallout." This is why the world feels like it's on the brink, because people like that exist. Frankly it's bullshit that this woman did no time and bigger bullshit that she considers herself a mother.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?

I can't believe that even Target is not a safe place to be anymore. I read that three people were stabbed at Target because some knife wielding psycho was running away after a fight. The crazy bastard took a sixteen year old girl hostage. This is typical punk ass cowardice. What happened to the old days when fights were settled with the simple rule of loser hits the ground and no longer gets back up to cause problems?

I am tired of seeing this kind of thing happen. I hate punks playing like men the street and then taking the lives of innocent and turning them upside down. It almost seems like the more we try to improve as a society the more we go back. I don't want to dedicate too much to this particular news bit other than to say we are a fucking society that needs to change for the better.

LET'S GROW THE FUCK UP AND DO THE RIGHT THING!

MY HATRED FOR THE NOSY

I once had a friend who told me that he had a right to ask me a question. I remember feeling like my privacy had been invaded in the worst way. The fact is that that no matter how long you know a person  that person doesn't ever have the right to ask overly personal questions. I think people love to go past their boundaries and the fact is that they should never be allowed to do so. Unrequested advice falls into that category.

Have you ever stopped in a place and gotten the bit of unrequested advice from someone you don't know or care about? I love those moments because they give me the opportunity to say what I feel. I love to express myself differently with people that ask unrequested questions. I remember being in an elevator with about three cases of water. Some idiot asked me " What are you going to do with all that water?" my response was " I plan on taking the bottles and shoving them up my ass." The man's face lost all color and at that point I felt like a million dollars. I will never truly be able to embrace the nosy especially if they are old in age.

Old people seem to be the worst when it comes to the disease of nosy. I think that the older people get more they want to either provide pearls of wisdom or rain shit all over your parade. I love it when some elderly person breaks out into the " Back in my Day" speech. I respect the elderly and I respect advice but more so when I ask for it. The point of this entry is simple, I hate the following things:

1. Nosy People
2. Unrequested Advice
3. Answering Unwanted Questions
4. Back in my Day speeches

I advice that you use your creativity when dealing with the nosy because at the end of the day it's the most fun you will have in a brief period.

A LITTLE OF MY EPILEPSY STORY

Epilepsy is often times overlooked and not really considered by people in general. I was one of those people that did not think much about epilepsy until it became a serious problem for me on a personal level. For the past nineteen years I have been an epilepsy patient and I have been extremely lucky having only suffered three major seizures in the first two years and nothing else since.

Epilepsy is something that can happen to anyone regardless of age, sex, race, and religious belief. I remember that when I was diagnosed with it at age 15 I thought it was the end of the world. I did not think that I would ever be normal. My first mistake was thinking that epilepsy would make me less normal. Epilepsy patients are capable of achieving the same greatness as people without it. Epilepsy rendered me a victim of a why me mentality.

Epilepsy makes you wonder why it was you. To me that moment made no sense because I was just starting high school. I remember my first real seizure was right before my first day of high school. I did not think things could be any worst than that. I do remember reading about a little girl that sometimes had up to 25 seizures a week and thinking to myself that in some way I was blessed to not have a more severe case of epilepsy.

Today I live a normal and highly productive life and while my case was less severe than many others I will say that epilepsy is a motivator and not a detractor.

I THOUGHT NAKED PEOPLE HAD NOTHING TO HIDE

The most popular nude beach in Wisconsin which seems to be one of the most popular around the country has shut down, on weekdays. This is an attempt to curb drug use and sex on the property. Apparently during a nine day surveillance period 26 arrests were made for sex and 16 for drugs. I think this is freaking hilarious when you consider that this is about a place for naked people.

I can't put enough emphasis on the word naked and it's not because I am obsessed with naked people but because I keep thinking that naked people have nothing to hide. I guess I was wrong in my assumption of naked people. Let's face it,naked or not, people love to mess around.

If you give a person the opportunity to be naked in the woods they are likely to indulge themselves with a little naughty time. Naughty time includes pot, cocaine, sex, threesomes and all sorts of good things. There is a lesson to be learned here and that lesson is that you should never stand too close to a naked person regardless of their disposition.

AM I THE ONLY PERSON SICK OF OCTOMOM?

I am so sick and tired of hearing about Octomom. The truth of the matter is I can't stand some bitch making extra money off the government while there are kids starving every night. The Octomom is now under investigation for welfare fraud. If I read it correctly she made 200,000 dollars last year while the cut off for welfare is 119,000. I understand that the kids need to live but this woman has been whoring her kids and self out to make a name for herself. The fact is that this crazy bitch has no talent other than cranking kids out for attention. I would love to ask her the following things:

1-Did you actually have the means to support your first six kids?

2-Did it ever occur to you that your kids would have a hard time living given your inability to support them?

3-What kind of hypocrite are you when you do porn while preaching values?

4-Do you have any shame whatsoever?

If anyone knows anything they know that this woman got on the bandwagon of women having multiple kids and receiving untold gifts and riches from fascinated members of the media. Word of advice Nadya please get a real job and afford your kids some privacy instead of making them the subject of a ridiculous sideshow you call a life.

IF YOU CAN SELF PROMOTE YOU ARE OKAY

I love the term shameless self promoter because it's kind of a contradiction. When a person says you are shameless they almost mean it in a derogatory manner. I am shameless but it's because I have nothing to be ashamed of. The fact is that when you are starting out no one will promote you so you have to do it yourself. If you are a writer this means multiple things outside of putting pen to paper on a daily basis.

Oh my blog! let's all get on the blog train to blog city. When you are a writer looking to get attention it's a great idea to go ahead and start a blog with opinions on relevant topics. The more outrageous your view the more attention you can draw to yourself. It's not about shocking people so much as it is about getting a little attention from different places. Of course there is a secondary option outside of blog city and that is self publishing.

The chances of you writing a best seller without any proper backing are very rare but if you have that little book to demonstrate what you can do as well as that sense of esthetics that's ever so important you definitely have an opportunity to draw some much needed attention to yourself. The point is to make yourself as visible as possible in order to show potential backers who you are and what you can do.

Always remember that no one ever paid attention to a person with little to say.

THE POWER OF A SIMPLE HELLO

Saying hello is quite possibly one of the simplest and most powerful gestures at a person's disposition. When you say hello and mean it you may well be changing a person's life. You never know at what emotional tipping point a person may be when you say that hello. A person may be sitting on a bench contemplating suicide, depressed over what event life has facilitated, or sad over serious loss. Hello is not merely a word but rather a powerful sound that makes someone think that there is still good in the world. You may not mean to change lives but true kindness a genuine caring gesture does make the world a better place to live. Always remember to say hello because by doing that you may well be changing the world one greeting at a time.

IF HE HAD DONE IT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE TURMOIL

It's safe to say that the greatest hinderance to LBJ's presidential career and more than likely to his health both mental and physical was Vietnam. The most intense periods of conflict spanned the majority of LBJ's presidency starting in late 1965. LBJ was incredibly confident that he would be able to take care of this situation but unfortunately for him it was not to be. There is something absolutely hilarious about hindsight and life in general. LBJ announced in 1968 that he would not seek nor accept the democratic nomination for the presidency. With Johnson's announcement came Hubert Humphrey's nomination and subsequent run against Nixon.

Hubert Humphrey won the nomination because RFK was shot in June of that year and subsequently Humphrey was the go to guy since Ted Kennedy did not come out to take his brother's place. It was recently revealed that LBJ had a plan to come back into the race in 1968 during the Democratic National Convention in Chicago. LBJ's plan was to arrive on board Marine One and declare his intentions while simultaneously undermining Humphrey and striking a major blow to Nixon's not so dominant lead.

The underlying subject of Vietnam was going to be Johnson's big blow to Nixon as he had proof that Nixon was the reason for the extension of the Paris Peace Talks since he was basically serving a stop to the progress by saying that he could provide Vietnam a better result than Johnson should he win the election. LBJ accused Nixon of treason and while Nixon used cunning and deception to extend the war  Johnson was using it to extend his legacy. If Johnson would have gone back in the chances are that the turmoil experienced by the country would have been just as great in some different level. Johnson was growing weaker physically and his presidency was riddled with opposition from the anti war movement  and young angry voters deceived with the fact that Camelot came to a quick and bitter end yielding the way for a Texas war monger.

I think Johnson would have faced more challenges than Nixon with Vietnam and likely would have probably died in office. More than likely Johnson's exit would have yielded the way for either a McGovern presidency or an unlikely Nixon comeback on the basis of Johnson's inability to effectively craft a strong war policy to deal with Vietnam. Nixon would have probably served until 1981 and more than likely would have had a far better legacy being that his presidency would have dealt with inflation, the Panama Canal, and little to no overseas conflict. Perhaps a 20 year republican lead would have been beneficial seeing as how Nixon, Reagan, and Bush were almost liberal by today's republican standards.

The fact is that nothing like that happened but it's interesting to wonder if it had, maybe this blog would have been talking about a whole different set of possibilities.

YOU MAY NOT LIKE HIM BUT HE HAD THE RIGHT IDEA

Richard Nixon was certainly not someone that invited joy and love from other people but he had some major merits to his credit. Nixon was likely the most effective VP in the history of the US especially when you consider the level of authority he had on issues of foreign policy and national security. Nixon had a great deal of experience which allowed him the opportunity of handling the Vietnam conflict with more success than LBJ. While Nixon's personality was incredibly off putting there is one thing about him that most people have to appreciate.

Richard Nixon was not really a guy to pander to anyone if he did not feel it was necessary. A prime example was the NRA. The NRA was, during the Nixon presidency much like now, an extremely powerful lobby. It's come out that Nixon would not cater to them and not only that but that he was willing to take them on by banning weapons altogether. Nixon did not believe anyone should own a gun. Even during periods when Nixon was facing enormous heat he was not willing to be a whore for the gun loving idiots in the NRA.

Nixon was devious, and in many areas someone that you just did not want to deal with. I will say one thing about him, the man had some serious gallons to be willing to take on the NRA. While no gun laws were passed by Nixon it was not really because he did not want to sign anything but because congress, his aides, and too many powers that be were staunchly against it given the power of the NRA.

Thanks for the college try Mr. Nixon!

LUXURY ALWAYS BECOMES NECESSITY

Cell phones, pagers, and any amount of things that you can imagine have been a luxury at one point or another. At one point cell phones were so rare that they were a status symbol, much in the same way as a Commodore 64 or IBM PC JR. Now some two and half decades later we look at cell phones, computers, and just about everything that was once a luxury, as a major need. I remember being a middle school kid and seeing pager as a luxury and seeing pagers become a must a couple of years later.

I remember being in the cool kids club with my NEC pager with a giant screen. There was something special about having the same piece of equipment as a Doctor. I remember my father's pager had no screen, just a speaker, and some buttons on the side.

The fact is that while some luxuries will always remain just that their predecessors while simple were also luxuries. Let's talk about cars for a second, a Ferrari is a luxury but a Ford Model T was one too. Cars were a luxury as well at one point and in some parts of the world they are still luxuries by virtue of cost, taxes, and fuel. 

Perhaps the next big necessity will be something cool like a hovercraft or spaceship, maybe a car that can be used as a blender. Life will always have special surprises for us.

DOWN SYNDROME IS ALSO REAL HONESTY

Down syndrome is often looked at by the massively ignorant as a handicap. I understand that there are serious limitations that hamper the possibility of a thoroughly independent life for those with down syndrome. I do have to say that people show a thorough lack of understanding in terms of the full scope of down syndrome when they talk about all the so called negative aspects of it.

I recently had a chance to interact with a boy that has down syndrome. The boy was an inspiration to me. Due to health issues as a child he did not have fully developed speech but he did look like he could play any sport with the greatest of ease and skill. The boy was loving, respectful, honest, and extremely well behaved. There was something more about this boy that really stuck out to me and that was the purity of his spirit.

Whenever I interacted with this boy he would ask me to see what he was doing as a way to share with me. I remember him illustrating what he was doing and how he was doing it. To this boy there was a beauty in even the simplest things. We can learn from people with down syndrome about so many things. A kid with down syndrome does not have an affliction but a way to appreciate the beauty of simplicity, love without lies and hypocrisy. I respect and revere people with down syndrome not because of what they deal with but because of the grace they overcome it with.

THE PAPAL ELECTIONS

The two front runners for the vacant papacy are Archbishop Scola and Archbishop Odilo Scherer. When the white smoke goes up it will mean that one of these two men will have won the popularity contest that will determine who shall emerge as the next great leader of the Catholic Church. It's clear that both these men are in far better shape than Benedict was and that they are likely going to make a papal calendar otherwise known as The Papal Pimp: 12 months. I wonder if the papal candidates have ever thought of having some sort of campaign. Vatican City is not so big that they can't do something to sway the vote their way.

I think it would be fantastic to see them make speeches about miracles, kissing babies, and putting signs up on lawns. Can you imagine the slogans? I can imagine Scola's big sign for the die hard Scholastic:

Scola will in fact be the cure for the Cura as he does believe in serious sweeping reform. There is also Scherer who is from the sexy Sao Paulo which is full of beautiful women and Samba. I can Imagine what his sign will look like:

Scherer will samba for your soul and into your soul as he will follow a lot of the steps of Pope John Paul II. I can imagine the intrigue, hidden agendas, special papal interests, weir and secretive priestly politics. I think it would be awesome to cover a papal election. I wonder how they go about it now? I know about the black smoke and white smoke thing but I wonder if they have lunch breaks, watch sexy movies on Cinemax and talk about sports. 

Perhaps I am starting to develop a jaded nature as far as the catholic church. I don't think I can be blamed for not taking the church or it's leaders seriously when the very political, hypocritical, and self righteous human natures of these all too powerful figures have polluted the idea of a spiritual relation that serves as a purifying agent for the soul. 

LADY JUSTICE THE FICKLE WHORE

I have never been a fan of shows such as Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown or any of that other crap. I particularly dislike Judge Judy because not only do I find Judge Judy annoying but I get a vibe from her like she is the biggest piece of crap ever. I can't force myself to respect a person that prides herself on being rude and obnoxious on under the guise of being frank and direct. Judge Judy is now at the center of some fine china argument between one of her producers and his ex-wife.

The ex wife is accusing the producer of selling the china worth an estimated 500,000 to Judge Judy for 50,000 as a way to save himself from having to give that to her in the settlement. I think Judge Judy knowingly took part in this as a way to benefit herself like the stinking bitch she is. The judge's response was that the woman should look for a job. This lady is a serious piece of crap as bad as her show and as true to life to her abrasive TV persona. 

Judge Judy you are in contempt of respect and patience so go fuck yourself.  

WHY A WRITER NEEDS TO KNOW HISTORY

I have always loved history because when you really get into the description of it it's almost like you can see it unfold once more in your mind's eye. My favorite subject through my primary education was history because I felt like I knew the players. I recently realized that history lessons are the first stories we are ever told. Sometimes we hear the tall tales of Americana and other times we read key literary works such as The Great Gatsby which serve as a glimpse into specific periods. The fact is that history reveals that the greatest stories told are told by each and every individual.

I never met the founding fathers but I feel as though they were truly civilized gentlemen with enormous skills in the art of diplomacy, otherwise known as bullshit. A historical document such as the declaration of independence reveals an ardent desire for a new identity, great concern for proper linguistic correctitude, and a fierce need to prove intellectual superiority in certain respects. Then there are works like the bible which is referred to by many as the key work in literature. A story can either be an approximation of the truth, a play on fact, or a total fabrication of the imagination. Honestly it's history that serves as a basis for all of that.

George Orwell wrote 1984 over sixty years ago and while his concepts seemed to far fetched to be real they were realized and validated over the years. While Orwell's work was fiction there can be a safe assumption made that Orwell felt through research that Big Brother was not an unreal and purely fictional idea. Everyone has a view of the future but those that express it in print base it on certain historical study. I am not saying that every person that desires a career in writing must be a history bookworm but it helps to know history in order to avoid sounding like a complete jackass.

NO ONE CAN BEAT THE BATMAN STORY

When a story and it's main character can undergo a million transformations and still stand the test of time you know it's something special. I am speaking specifically about Batman in light of the recent announcement of DC's transformation of the Batman mythology. The fact is that if you are a true follower of Batman's then you have seen a broken Batman, a scarred Batman, a despondent Batman, and just about every emotion in the depressive spectrum. 

What makes the character special is the way that duplicitous nature of Bruce Wayne plays out.The character can trick so many people into thinking he is a vapid playboy when he is really a brooding, stubborn, untrusting, tormented soul. The way the character is written in almost every comic book and film makes him impossible to completely love and hate. Batman creates that ambivalence that does not fully lend itself to a complete devotion to the hero or complete hatred for his sometimes antagonistic behavior. What is special about the bat? 

The fact is that unlike Superman, who is a capitalist democracy boy scout, Batman believes in order at any cost. The single time that Superman subscribed to that belief was during Kingdom Come. While Superman was portrayed as a Reganite puppet in the latest DC animated feature Batman was portrayed as a hero taken to limits, putting himself in a self impose underground exile in order to continue his work as a maligned but effective protector of a city that has lost the understanding of peace and civilization.

As a rogue hero willing to kick the crap out of Superman while almost sacrificing himself and as an all out juggernaut willing to take every enemy of society to an ungodly limit one thing is for sure, Batman really kicks ass. 

THE INTERNET AS A PERSON

Have you ever wondered what the internet would be like as a person? I think given the vast array of knowledge and connectivity in the web it would be something like Archie Bunker in that it would e full of knowledge that's not always useful, more than a little racism, a lot of narrow mindedness and more than likely a massive asexual nature that would almost completely forbid it from reproduction. I am fascinated by the internet for so many reasons.

None of use can give the internet a physical appearance whatsoever. The internet could be a sexy woman, a fat man, a Nigerian scheme artist looking to spread your family's wealth to you since a horrific plane crash or a dog. We don't know what it looks like but we can give it some shape. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have the internet over for dinner?

I imagine the internet would provide great conversation and an occasional anecdote concerning some unimaginable sexual act involving a bottle, a french tickler, a blender and two different types of orange juice. Then there is the internet's growth into relationships and possible proliferation of the family persuasion. I know I mentioned the internet as asexual but I can imagine an internet child. I think the internet would likely marry Forgy Network, a petite girl in the communications industry.

I imagine the internet would name his first child My Space whilst the second far more gifted and charismatic one would be known as Facebook and a third with the ability to assimilate would be known as Twitter. The internet would disown My Space for being completely lame while watching Facebook marry off to Jennifer Instagram Epstein while Twitter would struggle in a long term live in relationship with Pinterest Long that just won't go anywhere due to Pinterest's one dimensional views and narrow minded nature.

The Internet would never retire and work the same way Fidel Castro has, blocks of eternity. Chances are that the net would run for political office and end up taking the world in some sort of misinformation coup that would employ vast amounts of ignorance from followers. I think that the film TRON pretty much gave it all away as far as the internet goes.

Lucky for us the internet is not a person with said capabilities of taking over the world, or is it?

WHY BLOGGING IS NOT FRUITLESS

I used to think of blogging as another way for over opinionated people to spew their pseudo intellectual pearls on to the rest of the world. I will go as far saying that the word blog itself made me want to throw up in the sense that it was a word used largely by people that I perceived to be complete assholes. One day a childhood friend said "You should start a blog" and I decided to give it a shot just to see if I could be a lesser evil. The first year I had this blog I only put out some six blog entries total and did not bother to look at stats or anything of the sort.

As time went on I kept hearing that question about why I wasn't doing anything with my blogs. I never bothered to answer because frankly I felt that I did not need to do so. One day everything changed as my paid writing assignments started to wane a bit. I began to wonder about my writing and how I could stay relevant to myself. I was reminded of a tidbit  read my first day of class in Full Sail's MFA in Creative Writing program, that tidbit was that writers write. I hear that over and over and I realized that I would be doing myself a grave injustice if I stopped writing on the basis of what I was or was not earning.

Over the last six months I have been averaging something close to thirty entries a month and over that period of time I have been reminding myself of several things. First thing is that writers starting out have to be consistent in order to get somewhere. The second thing I remembered was that writers must self promote in all possible avenues. Every writer has a strong point and that can be anything from telling a story, to relating facts, to giving an opinion. I was reminded that building up volume of work helps get your name out there. In a six month period I have managed to build my stats to nearly 14,000 views in over 180 entries. I have finally taken in enough income to buy myself three candy bars from my google adsense and I am seeing exposure of my work in other countries even if it's only ten people that hit the page.  

If I continue to go at the pace I am going I know eventually I will hit some sort of niche. Blogging also makes social media useful as it's good to showcase your work in facebook, and twitter as well as google plus in order get that work in front of as many people as you can and make sure they are as varied a crowd as can be. The bottom line is that if your serious about getting exposure and building something relevant to put in your resume a blog is a great way to go.

GOTTA LOVE THE SNL FIVE TIMERS CLUB

This week's SNL brought back an old all time favorite known as the Five Timers Club. Justin Timberlake once again proved why he is the new Christopher Walken of SNL. Justin is a stand out and I have to admit he is actually pretty funny. I was never a huge fan of  NSYNC but Justin Timberlake is one of those rare individuals that outgrew all of that and turned into a mega power. I digress with all the Timberlake talk, let's get back to the Five Timers Club.

The first time I saw the Five Timers Club was in 1989 and I believe the newest member was Tom Hanks. In the sketch were Paul Simon, Steve Martin, and Elliot Gould and they all sat around with smoking jackets and pipes . The thing was hilarious and it became an every so often sketch that never lost its appeal. In a way that particular sketch is a lot like Christopher Walken's The Continental in that it makes SNL fresh and gives it room to breathe for a few minutes.

I liked the continuity in that sketch as it brought back Paul Simon, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Candace Bergen and Tom Hanks as well as everyone's favorite Baldwin. Watching that sketch was like going back in time to a point where I was staying up past my bed time and watching a show that I did not understand completely but somehow managed to make me laugh a lot. SNL has been having a pretty good run for the last few years with cast members like Keenan Thompson and Bill Hader but it's good to see it get back to its roots.

NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT ELIZABETH HASSELBECK

After sixteen years the TV show The View is still on the air. The show has gone through several changes and one thing has remained the same, the show is total shit. You have four or five extremely annoying  women talking about nonsense for what seems like an eternity. Yes the show talks about some relevant issues but with few exceptions those conversations are dull as dirt. Now that the unfunniest comedienne in the world Joy Behar has left the show there is a 5 month countdown for the departure of Elizabeth Hasselbeck. I as well a lot of other people just don't really care.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is boring, self righteous, and a completely transparent person. Nothing she ever did in that idiot show, or outside of it, ever made any sort of impact at all. Oh wait she was a contestant on Survivor over a decade ago. I don't really care if Elizabeth Hasselbeck leaves or stays because that show is garbage. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say " Elizabeth Hasselbeck, you are an idiot and no one cares for your idiot views or idiot career."

MC HAMMER IS REALLY.............STILL NOT GANGSTA

I came across a bit of interesting news with regards to everyone's favorite wholesome rap artist, the one and only MC Hammer. Charges were filed against the Hammer because he was caught driving a car he did not own. Hammer was also charged with resisting arrest and suspicion of obstruction. What I thought was interesting was Hammer's tweet, which read: "Thank You to all my friends and supporters. All CHARGES DECLINED. Dropped. Have A great Weekend. #OutOnBail." That last part about being out on bail is what makes me crack up. 

MC Hammer's biggest crimes included parachute pants, a thorough inability to hold on to 47,000,000 million dollars and that video for pumps in a bump. I think it's a reflection of Hammer's desire to still be relevant to send out a tweet like that. I like MC Hammer but frankly he is a part of the 90's that came and went and has not yet generated enough interest for a re cycled new rage. 

First this guy is participating in a live performance of that lame ass song Gangnam Style and now he is trying to look shady. There is nothing shady about this guy because he is too legit, too legit to drive a car with expired tags that doesn't belong to, wait. 

WHY I ALWAYS HATED KINDERGARTEN

Life has a way of indicating how it's going to unfold from the very beginning. Right after you come out of the womb you are spanked by some strange man for the sake of opening up the bronchial tubes. The truth is that I have always wondered how that works when the ass serves a purpose not directly related to breathing. Right after you say your first word projectile urinating and pooping while in a public place thus creating the saggy diaper look are no longer looked upon fondly. A few years go by and the comfort zone of the home is shot to hell when mommy decides she wants to re new her career as a circus stylist and you are shipped to a camp with a bunch of snot nose peers whose biggest accomplishment is counting to four and yet they are considered gifted by their parents. Finally you get used to this den of shit known as daycare and you feel good until you become a ward of the state, that's right, kindergarten.

Kindergarten is the biggest indicator of what life will be like. I know that if you have made it this far you are wondering what exactly I mean when I say this. Let's break down the kindergarten science of life. The day you arrived you express some serious hesitation because you are once more out of your comfort zone. The other kids have a specific role that they play because it falls within their nature. One kid is a brat and by process of growth he is also a bully. There is a pretty girl that you are silently interested in but whom you will not acknowledge because you do not want to be a sissy. There is the hot teacher that makes you want to explore your masculinity in the future and there is always the group of three little bastards with a toad like follower whose ass you want to kick. Kindergarten isn't different than life.

In life you have the asshole boss and the lovely girl a step above you. There is that feeling of apprehension the minute something new comes along and oh yes nap time. You usually meet death at some point during Kindergarten and it doesn't matter if it's the goldfish, the snails, or the beloved hamster known as Mr. Nibbles Hamsterington III. The months pass and much as in life you learn about patterns, colors, attitudes, and ultimately you learn about disappointment when you find out you are the tree and not the prince in the play. That's right everyone Kindergarten is a fabrication of our own self delusion. The truth is that as we learn about hand turkeys and Miles Standish we are being prepped for promotions, demotions, and heartbreak.

Would I ever turn back time? FUCK NO!

YOU EVER GET THAT SHITTY FEELING?

You ever get that shitty feeling in the morning? Instead of Batman you feel like Robin. I cant quite explain it other than saying it's one of those things that makes your day almost impossible. In my case those days are few and far in between but when they happen it's like one series of events that just won't end, let's take a walk through those types of days.

You wake up and your back is screaming bloody murder. After you wake up you walk to the kitchen to realize that your orange juice is gone and then on top of that your eggs are not up to par and there is only one slice of bacon left making it impossible to have a solid breakfast. Once the breakfast is over you climb in the shower only to realize there is no warm water left and then you find out that you have 20,000 things to do that were not on the agenda.

Those days are Murphy's Law type days that seem to have a profound effect on a person's life and yet they are funny as hell when seen in hindsight. Holy blank cartridge Batman! I am literally experiencing ED. Okay maybe that's taking it too far but I think you get my point.

THE TORTURE THAT IS WRITING

I must have read enough about writing to teach a small village. I spent countless hours working on an MFA with the focus on Creative Writing and one thing never changes, writing is pure torture. Some people love torture and I guess writing is that type that drives you insane but you just can't get enough of. There are so many dimensions to writing that just seem so wrong.

The first thing about writing that bothers everyone is subjectivity. You can write something that you hate and everyone else loves and something you believe to be your best and everyone thinks is absolute crap. No matter what you do or don't do you always have that nagging "I want to be liked" feeling when crafting a story. There's that desire for perfection that you end up having to cut out in order to do what's right for the story.

It doesn't really matter what you do you will always find a flaw with what you write and when someone else point's it out you will be infuriated but the fact is that fresh eyes see far better than a tired mind. Writing is a passion and like all passions it can be unhealthy in multiple ways. Ultimately writing is that ex girlfriend that you loved but drove you insane, that parent you idolized but could not stand and ultimately it's that one fantasy that will be as painful as it is joyful once it becomes reality.

THE HANGOVER WILL COME AROUND

The 1970's had Animal House, the 80's had Meatballs, I am sure the 1990's had something good and this new millennium has The Hangover. I love this film series because it has all the outlandish elements that represent what's new and happening in current society. I will grant the fact that perverted monkeys, Thai post ops and a chinese mobster with a sexually perverse nature are kind of new but still. I remember watching the first hangover I thought they went beyond the point of no return and then they released number two.

Now there is a a number three which will pretty much wrap up the series and bring about some closure for the wolfpack.  The Hangover is one of those movies that will be considered the one thing that everyone can agree on. When I say that everyone can agree on it I mean that it's the one movie that has something outrageous and unforgettable that can bring everyone together for at least five minutes. I will go as far as saying that Mr. Chow is the show stealer.

Once The Hangover is done it will be like saying goodbye to an old friend with bad manners and nasty parents. I wonder if they can do a series of books, prequels, sequels to the sequels, and the long awaited  ride along with the legalization of Donkey Shows. Oh yes I did go the Donkey Show route, enjoy bitches!

ALVIN LEE

Alvin Lee the leader of the band Ten Years After passed away suddenly at age 68. This is one of those loses that makes you think about how much real talent is leaving while at the same time being replaced by talentless idiots that rely on technology more than actual talent. Alvin Lee's performance at Woodstock showcased a man of incredible talent.

There will never be another Alvin Lee but there will be plenty of talentless idiots like Drake.

CHRIS BROWN IS SUCH AN ANGRY LITTLE MAN

When I think of Chris Brown, which never happens, I think of that pile of shit you step on that's so dry it fails to stick to your shoe. Chris Brown is very talented but he is also a spoiled brat asshole. This guy will do an impromptu performance out of spite for everyone that likes Drake. I think this is a great feud and so wholesome too, the guy that beat Rihanna senseless and the guy from Degrassi engaging in a gentlemanly disagreement over who is more "street." I am no expert on gang wars, coast wars, rap wars, or cupcake wars but to me these two idiots will start the trend sissy wars.

I will say this for Chris Brown, he needs to maybe drink milk instead of Vodka since he can't handle his liquor. If I were Chris' agent I would advice him against free shows in clubs full of hood rats and posers and I would advise him against getting so incredibly angry over a DJ's right to play music only a tad bit lamer than his.

Seriously Chris go to a church, convert to Islam, become a Jew, do something to help you find some peace and common sense.

SENATORS AND PROSTITUTES

I don't want to dedicate much energy to this entry because honestly it's the same story with different players. An investigation has revealed some allegations of whore mongering on the part of Robert Melendez, a US Senator from New Jersey. This latest event is a clear example of why so may US citizens are jaded when it comes to politics. Politicians are con artists that never change their game, they just make it sleeker in order to be harder to catch. Senators and prostitutes are one hell of a combo, yay for our side! In some ways the more I read about this story the more it reminds me of the movie Striptease, this guy even looks like a dirty pervert.

Fucking guys grow up we don't pay you to whore around.

HUGO CHAVEZ, VENEZUELA'S CHAVO

At the risk of pissing off a lot of Hugo Chavez fans given his death I will take this opportunity to pay my respects to a person I did not care for ever at any point. Hugo Chavez is dead, may he rest in some sort of peace and may he abstain from pissing off the celestials like he did everyone else. Out of all Venezuelan Presidents it seems like Chavez was both the most confrontational, and the kindest in a backward ass way. I mean to say kind in the sense that he obviously wanted the poor majority in Venezuela to think that he was a soft teddy bear.

I did not really read up on Chavez or his policies too often but the fact of the matter is that Chavez was a politician just like anyone else in a position of power. Chavez knew that he needed to cater to an oppressed and impoverished majority that was being somewhat held down by an outdated classes system, an oligarchy. In appearance Chavez was the guy that was willing to take on people like Bush, and Mexican President Vicente Fox.

I will never forget Chavez declaring George W. Bush a crazy drug addict in a UN speech and threatening to take a chunk from Vicente Fox in a televised address. The bottom line is that Chavez was another power hungry individual that had to die in order to give up his power. In a way Chavez went the same way he came, with a massive impact. Through his Presidency Chavez implemented constitutional reform and his ideas were influenced by an anti imperialist agenda, a participatory democracy, self sufficiency, and zero corruption. What influenced Chavez was Bolivarianism.

The idea of no corruption and taking socialism an bring it forward is great. The only problem with trying to implement socialism in its true form is that socialism is an almost perfect mixture of government control and democracy that is not designed to withstand corruption, in fact it invites it. One thing that always impressed me about the Chavez was the fact that he caught the imagination of the "revolutionary" majority.

I saw a massive influx of Venezuelans with means leave their country in scorn. On the flip side of the equation I saw a huge number of impoverished Venezuelans really take to Chavez. In some ways Chavez was a new and improved version of Fidel Castro in that he maintained some progress while putting boots to asses. Now that Chavez is dead there will be no more threats of cage fighting, and ass kicking anywhere, at least for now.

El Chavez has left the building so let's all continue to live life as if the last 14 years had never taken place.

WHO SHOT HIM?

The character of JR Ewing finally met his doom and the farewell will be shrouded in the same mystery as the Dallas classic Who Shot JR? Unfortunately JR will not be coming back to Ewing Energies to scheme himself back to the top. The Dallas re boot has given fans something that they never wanted to see, the demise of its antihero protagonist and antagonist. JR is gone and the way he left was the same manner he lived, in a cloud of mystery.

So it's good question to ask, who did it?  Cliff Barnes? was it the Venezuelans that negotiated to take over the drilling rights to Southfork? Was it someone from JR's past? The fact is that there are 8 episodes left to figure out who killed the main man in Southfork Ranch. One thing is certain and that is that JR will leave a hole so big that it may sink Southfork.

The send off will be as great as what made JR memorable and that is what matters. Goodbye JR, give them a hard time in heaven trying to merge them with hell.

THE EVOLUTION OF THE IM

I remember when AOL IM was the only game in town. In those days, not so long ago, the conversation was started by the iconic magic sounding pixie dust bit. I remember the conversations were like meat market exchanges between horny tweeners and promiscuous housewives. I shall now provide an example of said exchanges:

Tweener: Hey!

Slutty Lady: Hi!

Tweener: How are you?

Slutty Lady: Good.

Tweener: What are you doing?

Slutty Lady: A/S/L

Tweener: 35/M/ Manhattan

At this point you knew the conversation was heading to some sort of exchange that included sand paper and bodily fluids coupled with some manner of Chinese Water Torture. The one thing that always stuck out was how you didn't always know the lingo and so, in a way, you had to coax it out of the person in order to understand what they were saying. The following is a sample of said situation:

Person 1: So are you horny? LOL

Person 2: Um yeah LOL

Person 1: Lol

Person 2: Hahahaha

Person 1: Yes!

Person 2: LO

Person 1: ???

Person 2: Like LOL.

Person 1: So laughing out?

Person 2: Yes!!!!!

Person 1: But not loud?

Person 2: YES!!!! LOL

At this point during the conversation you knew something and would go on to use it. Sometimes vulnerability would rear in asking the meaning of something like A/S/L. When you knew the lingo it was like sitting at the permanently reserved cool kids lunch table in elementary and middle school. There was always that moment when you ran into someone that would pull the pseudo intellect to really smack you across the emotional face. It was always some moment that made you question the cyber cred you had as an online player.

Now that Skype, Messenger, Yahoo!, and Gmail chat have a share of the IM market there seems to be new lingo to figure out such as:

FML
LMAO
LMFAO
IDK
TTYL

This type of lingo seems to be more in tune with today's misguided and less productive youth and also a lot easier to figure out. I am not really a fan of all this BS but I do find its evolution to be quite entertaining and let's face it society is in some sort of vacuum. Why not study incorrect and somehow acceptable abbreviations of words?

THE FBI HAS SOMETHING ON EVERYONE, EVEN WHITNEY

Whitney Houston's FBI file was opened to the public and it revealed that Whitney had some mentally unstable fans throughout the globe. The Netherlands fan that called himself the President of Europe and proclaimed a 66 billion dollar purchase of Brazil. What this particular situation made me think about was the level of privacy people are entitled to.

It seems like once you die your personal information is public domain in a way. Whitney Houston's file is 128 pages and follows a trend  of FBI celebrity files that was started by J. Edgar Hoover with Charlie Chaplin ages ago. It's fair to ask if when you die you become a target for postmortem scrutiny. I understand she was a public figure with a lot of problems but I think after death she deserves some peace and privacy.

I wonder if there is an FBI file on Michael Jackson, or perhaps on Madonna. I don't know the answer to any of that but i don't care since I am not a celebrity personal information whore. I do think it's in poor taste to make that information public simply because it gives enormous ammunition to yellow journalism to rear it's ugly head and after so much suffering in life everyone's entitled to some measure of peace.

My advice is for everyone to remember never to contact the FBI, not even to retrieve their missing cat because chances are highly likely for post mortem ridicule.

NOT JUST SINEAD TEARS UP POPE PICTURES

The Reverend Andrea Maggi burned a photo of Pope Benedict claiming that he is no shepherd but a man that abandoned his flock. Half the congregation in the church of Santo Stefano Protomatire of Castel Vittorio walked out in shock. I guess this priest must have been watching re-runs of SNL and caught the episode of Sinead O'Connor tearing up the picture of Pope John Paul II.  Supposedly this priest is in a fragile state of mind so, I wonder if he was running out of altar boys to molest since it's a small village.

The bottom line is that the Catholic Church was in dire straits long before Benedict came in so for some  village idiot priest to burn Benedict's photo only makes a statement that speaks to the ignorance of so many in the Catholic Church. I would go as far as saying that the decision Benedict made was probably the best move in recent Catholic history. Benedict was older and losing faculties and did not want to stay past his prime. I don't blame Benedict for his decision because at the end of the day what could he do if he was in bad health. I think that the biggest problem is that some obscure members of the church see this as a way to make a statement.

My advice to the reverend is to go make himself a nice stew and drink himself half to death. This kind of accident is yet another reason why the Catholic Church is seen as more of a fading institution than as a place to follow. Like Sinead said some years back " Fight the real enemy."

THE WORM DOES NORTH KOREA

Dennis Rodman's visit to North Korea has sparked some serious moral outrage given his defense of Kim Jong Un whom he now refers to as a "friend." Everyone in the media has attacked Rodman because he has chosen to label the injustices in North Korea as simply "politics" that he does not agree with. I think that this whole situation should be put into some real perspective. 

No one in the media seems to understand that this is Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman does not have the relevance of a Muhammad Ali or anyone else that has chosen to use merit and stature as a means to engage in diplomacy and goodwill. Does anyone remember the wedding dress? Does anyone remember "Bad as I Wannabe"? Yes Rodman was a huge star with five championship rings but we are not talking about a Michael Jordan or someone whose achievements stand out as almost singular. I like Rodman and I think his personality made him unique on the court but his actions outside the court in a global aspect do not really call my attention. 

The media understandably feels a need to chastise Rodman because he seems to be employing a tremendous lack of depth. I wonder if the media understands that Rodman is not a Rhodes Scholar. Rodman went to North Korea to have a good time and not to engage in shuttle diplomacy. I am certain that the North Korean government did not take the visit from Rodman as a sign of US approval for their policy on human rights or nuclear arms. 

The media needs to really chill out before continuing to make this story something so relevant that we end up looking like a country that takes the opinions of a washed up sports ex athlete as if they were policy gold. 

FOR FUTURE POPES

Now that Pope Benedict retired there is talk that his decision may create a term limit imposition for future popes. I think that this particular development is extremely interesting to say the least. While I understand term limits for high political office I don't quite understand how this imposition would affect anyone. Since the separation of church and state the role of the catholic church has been limited to symbolic and spiritual. I do understand that the Catholic Church's highest figures do wield significance influence but actual power is a totally different story.

It's been mentioned that this development would put the Pontiff in place under a great deal of scrutiny and pressure but I fail to understand what that would accomplish. Even the biggest atheist would recognize that one of the most influential figures in the 20th century was Pope John Paul II and that his 26 years as Pontiff are not likely to repeated in any way shape or form. The truth of the matter is that Pope John Paul II is a lot like FDR in terms of what he accomplished.

It remains to be seen what the next figure will be able to do but one thing is for sure there will not be another truly polarizing figure in the Catholic Church's key spot.

SERENA GETS THE GROWL

At the Honda Classic Serena Williams was busted for trying to take Tiger Woods' picture. I think this is kind of funny given the fact that Tiger Woods is a pretty accessible guy. This is a clear example of security guys taking their job too seriously.We need to remember that this is golf and while Tiger is the man there is nothing particularly extreme about golf fans. There is always a surprise with respects to the quieter sports as evidenced by the Tennis stabbing incident of Monica Seles.

I met Tiger woods outside a Planet Smoothie and he was a cool guy, very easy to access. I remember we had a conversation about smoothies and golf. At the time of our conversation he didn't really mention anything about his IHOP Roman Orgies. It's funny that a major sports star was taken out for snapping a picture of another major sports star in a public manner.

I think that for Tiger to make things right he needs to have some sort of party and invite Serena. Let's leave it at that, for now.

WHEN A PERSON BECOMES RIDICULOUS AND ANNOYING IN A SINGLE ACTION

I think Anne Hathaway is a great actress and she seems like a nice person. Normally I don't really comment on celebrities because I am more interested in the characters that they play than on their personal lives. I do have a slight problem when celebrities decide that they will put themselves so far out of normalcy that they become the center of attention for some ridiculous reason that no one cares for.

I have written about the flu being no different for celebrities than for normal people as well as addictions being issues of privacy that should never surface for purposes of entertainment. Now I want to turn my attention back to Anne Hathaway. After the Oscars Anne Hathaway released a statement apologizing for her choice of dress. At first I wondered if it was because of the nipple situation but then I realized it was the total opposite as I read on. I guess Anne Hathaway felt that her not wearing a Valentino Dress was socially relevant enough for her to take to the media with it.

The fact is that it would make her seem less out of touch and more of a substantial person if she said " I am sorry I had an all night nipple bonanza" or " I am sorry I have not done more for women's rights." It is beyond annoying when something as forgettable as a dress or rather a designer choice becomes fodder for every news outlet in the world. Once again we are all about trends so I guess Joseph Kony is out and Catwoman's dress choice is in. Frankly I don't care for any of that and I don't think it should be such a big deal that every medium picks it up to the extent that it trumps news of nuclear warfare.

I am glad that Anne Hathaway is a loyal friend of Valentino's but I think that maybe she could have just called him and sent him a basket of some sort in order to make things right. I think she could have also sent him an autographed copy of The Princess Diaries on blu ray. The fact is that everyone is looking at Anne Hathaway as a bit of an annoying person for this action and I am inclined to agree.

Anne Hathaway please shut your mouth and don't try to be relevant beyond film because you are not doing a great job of that right now.

VATICAN HOUSE PARTY!

It's official, the Pope is no longer in the house. Yesterday was the Pontiff's last day as the one and only Holy Leader of the Catholic Church. After a near eight year papacy the lead Catholic of the free world walked away with what I would assume is a fairly decent 401k and residency plan that will likely include a sweet apartment located somewhere in Vatican City. I can imagine that the Pope was given an intimate house party in order to say goodbye to him.

I imagine that the Pope probably drank some fine wine and ate some of the very best cheese and Genoa Salami sliced to perfection for even the for the most finicky of eaters. I can imagine some of the conversations had at said party between the Pope and say, a Cardinal.

The following is a proposed transcript of said conversation between the Pope and Cardinal #1:

Pope: This is some fine salami!

Cardinal #1: Only the best your eminency.

Pope: So anyone coming out to the private planking ceremony at the holy bannister?

Cardinal #1: Yes, in fact Father Alberto confirmed he is coming.

Pope: Ah, Alberto is a player.

Cardinal# 1: He has a hottie on his arm.

Pope: Pass me some more of the salami and a little more of that Don Melchor.

Cardinal# 1: Of course your eminency.

Pope: Did you catch the Oscars?

Cardinal #1: No your eminency.

Pope: That Anne Hathaway has lovely boobies.

Cardinal #1: Yes?

Pope: I did not like her choice of dress but I shall forgive her if she performs the Harlem Shake.

Cardinal #1: What?

Pope: The Harlem Shake, hot dance.

Cardinal #1: Any thoughts for a replacement suggestion?

Pope: Not sure, I was going to suggest Justin Bieber in order to appeal to both the 18 to 34 demographic and the Cardinal Law division.

Cardinal#1: What, who is this Bieber?

Pope: He is a lot like Anne Hathaway in that he is perky, short haired, and hateful.

Cardinal# 1: What about a latin Pope?

Pope: I am thinking Ricky Martin would be a good choice.

Cardinal # 1: Your Eminence please this is serious.

Pope: Fuck it man I am gone, I have to tend to my farmville and I have to  tweet some pictures of my new place. I also have to attend the concert of my lifelong dear friend Tom Flack, he just released a hit single that is number one in over 40 countries where the radio has yet to be invented.

Yes I am making light of all of this because while I myself am a Catholic I can safely say that the Church has been steadily losing its moral standing for years and has done little in order to change it. How can an institution with so many hidden skeletons provide a moral compass when it doesn't really have one itself? I am not trying to be controversial but the truth of the matter is that faith and spirituality reside in the individual and not so much on outdated once governmental doctrines outlined by people as human as you and me.

Perhaps I am just jaded but hey that is what's great about living in a free country and a world society that for the most part allows a form of democracy to prevail. I say believe and be led by what your heart and soul tell you is the right way to go.