WHAT'S GOING ON?

It's been a while since I was on here. I left simply because after a lengthy period of writing you get the feeling that the cycle the world moves in is too damn repetitive to matter. I thought about this for a while and realized that even a repetitive cycle is fun to write about in a few different ways. There are things out there from the hateful Justing Bieber, to Obama, to that stinking shit fucker Oscar " I killed my Hot Girl and Got Away with it" Pistorious. Let's see what I can really get into.

I SHOT A MAN IN RENO JUST TO WATCH HIM DIE..............SAID SOMEONE ELSE

Johnny cash sang that line about shooting a man in Reno, pretty awesome line. I think that line would be better if it was about shooting Justin Bieber in a testicle. Yes I went there and if you don't like it go to Reno so I can shoot you with a paintball, just to watch you scream like a bitch. I'm tired of shit on the news that isn't relevant to society's problems. Few people can talk intelligently about the economy while everyone can talk about that little shit buying hookers with big bundas in Brazil. Let's grow up people!

WHEN DID WE LOSE TRACK?

In this age of social media and veiled ignorance we seem to have lost track of what's important in society. The population knows more about worthless figures like Justin Bieber and Rihanna than they do about their forefathers. I know that there is such a thing as evolution but I'm fairly certain that evolution implies progress and not regression. You ask anyone a question about the current state of the economy and you'll get some stupid and unrelated answer.

The specter of pseudo intellect and feigned indifference has become a ruling force of sorts. I understand that politics much like religion are private matters but I'd say that matters that affect society are far more important than matters of celebrity. I really could care less if Rihanna wants to show her goods or if Justin Bieber is a racist punk. I guess my question is, how does any of that make us better?

JUSTIN BIEBER..........THIS WAS TOO EASY

I bet that every pre pubescent girl is screaming " No, it was baking powder and he was trying to deliver eggs" as it relates to Justin Bieber. I personally don't give a shit but the fallout is absolutely hilarious. Justin Bieber is a talented artist but a total douche. I think that he has a ways to go before he hits the necessary wall. I'm certain the next step is a crack filled, sex video with ball wrecker Miley Cyrus.

BIEBER, BRAZIL, AND THE CONVERSATION

The big news over the last week have centered on the Justin Bieber escapade in Brazil. Bieber was taped sleeping by a "girl" that was "visiting" him. I personally think that Justin is looking for a mother figure because this girl looks like she's got some serious miles on her. I can only imagine what a conversation between them was like.

Justin: Sup girl?

Tati: I have fever in the bieber.

Justin: I'm sad yo'

Tati: I make you happy.

Justin: Yo baby, do something for me.

Tati: Yes?

Justin: Read me a story yo'

Tati: ???

Justin: I like the three bears yo'

Tati: You want I suck you?

Justin: I suck my thumb yo'

Tati: I do nice for you.

Justin: Obrigado bitch.

I think Justin is a sad little clown that wants to get laid and hear fairy tales and that's okay, you only live once. Good boy Justin, you get your lady to tell you stories and whatnot.

FUCK YOU JUSTIN BIEBER, YOU LITTLE ASS

Justin Bieber is a fucking little ass that has an uncanny ability to prove how a moron never really changes his moron stripes. How can this little fucker say that he wishes Anne Frank would have been a fan? Anne Frank was a fighter and a survivor that used writing and her imagination to keep her sane during the worst possible time. Anne Frank's story served as a glimpse into a window of time that was a huge example of human nature at its worst.

Anne Frank lived in a damn attic hiding with her family and another family for way too long. To stupidly say she would have been a "beliber" is to take everything she stood for and make it irrelevant. If anything this little ass should be a fan of Anne Frank's. Maybe the weed Justin smokes is preventing him from actually making comments that are halfway intelligent and giving him the ability to go complete dumbass. I wonder if Justin knows the whole story about how she survived and coped, about her typhoid fever leading to her death, her father Otto, or Miep Gies. I think Justin is a clear example of an idiot celebrity that knows a lot about nothing.

I don't like Justing Bieber and I can't respect him on a personal level, it's not a talent issue. Justin Bieber says " Anne was a great girl" and " She would have been a Belieber." Seriously what does this two dollar Elvis impersonator think? Saying something like that shows and incredible lack of depth and sensibility. I can  appreciate what Justin Bieber has done professionally but he needs to learn to measure his words carefully because quite honestly he is not the center of the world.

FUCK YOU BIEBER!

VATICAN HOUSE PARTY!

It's official, the Pope is no longer in the house. Yesterday was the Pontiff's last day as the one and only Holy Leader of the Catholic Church. After a near eight year papacy the lead Catholic of the free world walked away with what I would assume is a fairly decent 401k and residency plan that will likely include a sweet apartment located somewhere in Vatican City. I can imagine that the Pope was given an intimate house party in order to say goodbye to him.

I imagine that the Pope probably drank some fine wine and ate some of the very best cheese and Genoa Salami sliced to perfection for even the for the most finicky of eaters. I can imagine some of the conversations had at said party between the Pope and say, a Cardinal.

The following is a proposed transcript of said conversation between the Pope and Cardinal #1:

Pope: This is some fine salami!

Cardinal #1: Only the best your eminency.

Pope: So anyone coming out to the private planking ceremony at the holy bannister?

Cardinal #1: Yes, in fact Father Alberto confirmed he is coming.

Pope: Ah, Alberto is a player.

Cardinal# 1: He has a hottie on his arm.

Pope: Pass me some more of the salami and a little more of that Don Melchor.

Cardinal# 1: Of course your eminency.

Pope: Did you catch the Oscars?

Cardinal #1: No your eminency.

Pope: That Anne Hathaway has lovely boobies.

Cardinal #1: Yes?

Pope: I did not like her choice of dress but I shall forgive her if she performs the Harlem Shake.

Cardinal #1: What?

Pope: The Harlem Shake, hot dance.

Cardinal #1: Any thoughts for a replacement suggestion?

Pope: Not sure, I was going to suggest Justin Bieber in order to appeal to both the 18 to 34 demographic and the Cardinal Law division.

Cardinal#1: What, who is this Bieber?

Pope: He is a lot like Anne Hathaway in that he is perky, short haired, and hateful.

Cardinal# 1: What about a latin Pope?

Pope: I am thinking Ricky Martin would be a good choice.

Cardinal # 1: Your Eminence please this is serious.

Pope: Fuck it man I am gone, I have to tend to my farmville and I have to  tweet some pictures of my new place. I also have to attend the concert of my lifelong dear friend Tom Flack, he just released a hit single that is number one in over 40 countries where the radio has yet to be invented.

Yes I am making light of all of this because while I myself am a Catholic I can safely say that the Church has been steadily losing its moral standing for years and has done little in order to change it. How can an institution with so many hidden skeletons provide a moral compass when it doesn't really have one itself? I am not trying to be controversial but the truth of the matter is that faith and spirituality reside in the individual and not so much on outdated once governmental doctrines outlined by people as human as you and me.

Perhaps I am just jaded but hey that is what's great about living in a free country and a world society that for the most part allows a form of democracy to prevail. I say believe and be led by what your heart and soul tell you is the right way to go.

BIEBER FEEVER GONE TOO FAR

Worry not Bieber fans as your idol is still the source of much conversation even amongst depraved killers. I must say Bieber Fever has really gone beyond being an STD you get by listening to this generation's version of Paul Anka (google it). I say this because Justin Bieber was the target of a murder plot by some convicts in Las Cruces New Mexico.

To make a long story short I guess one of the killers has a tattoo of the icon on his leg. To me this is an example of Bieber Fever gone too far. Part of the plot was to go ahead and castrate Bieber and his bodyguard Rufus T. Firefly. I wonder if the killers were going to auction the members on ebay. I learned of Bieber Feever while watching Key of Awesome's educational youtube spot on it.

I was not aware of the fact that Bieber Fever could go this far but thank heavens that our idol of idols is safe. Now I say let's move on to more important matters and figure out how the Gangnam Style dude is part of plot to destroy the world through incredibly lame music and horrific dancing.

OH NO SELENA GOMEZ HAS STREP THROAT! PLEASE LET US SAVE HER AS THAT WILL SOLVE CURRENT WORLD CRISES.........

Everyone I need you to please do some kind of spiritual ritual to save our favorite Wizard of Waverly Place from the clutches of the deadly disease known as strep throat. Yes you heard right everyone the head Beiber Fever carrier is now deathly ill with her throat itching as millions of bacteria are killing her precious vocal chords. We need to save her as the fate of the whole world depends on it.

Sorry after further research it turns out strep throat does not really kill people and she is not really the important to the fate of the free world. I still say we form a hand holding movement to show this brave lite doodle how important she really is to all of us. Anyone with me? Bueller? Bueller?  I guess I don't have the backing.

Really these are the news that are trending today and everyone wonders why there is such a generational disconnect. When I was in middle school we were taught to discuss relevant current events and learn to back up our opinions with well researched facts. If a kid shows up with this current event today he is superstar correspondent today.

This is what's wrong people!