THE PAPAL ELECTIONS

The two front runners for the vacant papacy are Archbishop Scola and Archbishop Odilo Scherer. When the white smoke goes up it will mean that one of these two men will have won the popularity contest that will determine who shall emerge as the next great leader of the Catholic Church. It's clear that both these men are in far better shape than Benedict was and that they are likely going to make a papal calendar otherwise known as The Papal Pimp: 12 months. I wonder if the papal candidates have ever thought of having some sort of campaign. Vatican City is not so big that they can't do something to sway the vote their way.

I think it would be fantastic to see them make speeches about miracles, kissing babies, and putting signs up on lawns. Can you imagine the slogans? I can imagine Scola's big sign for the die hard Scholastic:

Scola will in fact be the cure for the Cura as he does believe in serious sweeping reform. There is also Scherer who is from the sexy Sao Paulo which is full of beautiful women and Samba. I can Imagine what his sign will look like:

Scherer will samba for your soul and into your soul as he will follow a lot of the steps of Pope John Paul II. I can imagine the intrigue, hidden agendas, special papal interests, weir and secretive priestly politics. I think it would be awesome to cover a papal election. I wonder how they go about it now? I know about the black smoke and white smoke thing but I wonder if they have lunch breaks, watch sexy movies on Cinemax and talk about sports. 

Perhaps I am starting to develop a jaded nature as far as the catholic church. I don't think I can be blamed for not taking the church or it's leaders seriously when the very political, hypocritical, and self righteous human natures of these all too powerful figures have polluted the idea of a spiritual relation that serves as a purifying agent for the soul. 

NOT JUST SINEAD TEARS UP POPE PICTURES

The Reverend Andrea Maggi burned a photo of Pope Benedict claiming that he is no shepherd but a man that abandoned his flock. Half the congregation in the church of Santo Stefano Protomatire of Castel Vittorio walked out in shock. I guess this priest must have been watching re-runs of SNL and caught the episode of Sinead O'Connor tearing up the picture of Pope John Paul II.  Supposedly this priest is in a fragile state of mind so, I wonder if he was running out of altar boys to molest since it's a small village.

The bottom line is that the Catholic Church was in dire straits long before Benedict came in so for some  village idiot priest to burn Benedict's photo only makes a statement that speaks to the ignorance of so many in the Catholic Church. I would go as far as saying that the decision Benedict made was probably the best move in recent Catholic history. Benedict was older and losing faculties and did not want to stay past his prime. I don't blame Benedict for his decision because at the end of the day what could he do if he was in bad health. I think that the biggest problem is that some obscure members of the church see this as a way to make a statement.

My advice to the reverend is to go make himself a nice stew and drink himself half to death. This kind of accident is yet another reason why the Catholic Church is seen as more of a fading institution than as a place to follow. Like Sinead said some years back " Fight the real enemy."

FOR FUTURE POPES

Now that Pope Benedict retired there is talk that his decision may create a term limit imposition for future popes. I think that this particular development is extremely interesting to say the least. While I understand term limits for high political office I don't quite understand how this imposition would affect anyone. Since the separation of church and state the role of the catholic church has been limited to symbolic and spiritual. I do understand that the Catholic Church's highest figures do wield significance influence but actual power is a totally different story.

It's been mentioned that this development would put the Pontiff in place under a great deal of scrutiny and pressure but I fail to understand what that would accomplish. Even the biggest atheist would recognize that one of the most influential figures in the 20th century was Pope John Paul II and that his 26 years as Pontiff are not likely to repeated in any way shape or form. The truth of the matter is that Pope John Paul II is a lot like FDR in terms of what he accomplished.

It remains to be seen what the next figure will be able to do but one thing is for sure there will not be another truly polarizing figure in the Catholic Church's key spot.

VATICAN HOUSE PARTY!

It's official, the Pope is no longer in the house. Yesterday was the Pontiff's last day as the one and only Holy Leader of the Catholic Church. After a near eight year papacy the lead Catholic of the free world walked away with what I would assume is a fairly decent 401k and residency plan that will likely include a sweet apartment located somewhere in Vatican City. I can imagine that the Pope was given an intimate house party in order to say goodbye to him.

I imagine that the Pope probably drank some fine wine and ate some of the very best cheese and Genoa Salami sliced to perfection for even the for the most finicky of eaters. I can imagine some of the conversations had at said party between the Pope and say, a Cardinal.

The following is a proposed transcript of said conversation between the Pope and Cardinal #1:

Pope: This is some fine salami!

Cardinal #1: Only the best your eminency.

Pope: So anyone coming out to the private planking ceremony at the holy bannister?

Cardinal #1: Yes, in fact Father Alberto confirmed he is coming.

Pope: Ah, Alberto is a player.

Cardinal# 1: He has a hottie on his arm.

Pope: Pass me some more of the salami and a little more of that Don Melchor.

Cardinal# 1: Of course your eminency.

Pope: Did you catch the Oscars?

Cardinal #1: No your eminency.

Pope: That Anne Hathaway has lovely boobies.

Cardinal #1: Yes?

Pope: I did not like her choice of dress but I shall forgive her if she performs the Harlem Shake.

Cardinal #1: What?

Pope: The Harlem Shake, hot dance.

Cardinal #1: Any thoughts for a replacement suggestion?

Pope: Not sure, I was going to suggest Justin Bieber in order to appeal to both the 18 to 34 demographic and the Cardinal Law division.

Cardinal#1: What, who is this Bieber?

Pope: He is a lot like Anne Hathaway in that he is perky, short haired, and hateful.

Cardinal# 1: What about a latin Pope?

Pope: I am thinking Ricky Martin would be a good choice.

Cardinal # 1: Your Eminence please this is serious.

Pope: Fuck it man I am gone, I have to tend to my farmville and I have to  tweet some pictures of my new place. I also have to attend the concert of my lifelong dear friend Tom Flack, he just released a hit single that is number one in over 40 countries where the radio has yet to be invented.

Yes I am making light of all of this because while I myself am a Catholic I can safely say that the Church has been steadily losing its moral standing for years and has done little in order to change it. How can an institution with so many hidden skeletons provide a moral compass when it doesn't really have one itself? I am not trying to be controversial but the truth of the matter is that faith and spirituality reside in the individual and not so much on outdated once governmental doctrines outlined by people as human as you and me.

Perhaps I am just jaded but hey that is what's great about living in a free country and a world society that for the most part allows a form of democracy to prevail. I say believe and be led by what your heart and soul tell you is the right way to go.

THE PADRE SAYS " NO MAS"

Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from his post came as a major shock to everyone including members of his inner circle. The resignation did not come with a special specific announcement to that end but rather as part of routine proceedings. The Pope cited ill health and advanced age this was the first resignation in six centuries. The resignation of the church's key figure brings about interesting questions.

The first question is: Who will replace him? The fact is that whoever replaces the pope has their hands full. The Catholic Church is facing crises left and right starting with allegations of sexual abuse cover up that undermine its moral authority. Whoever is chosen must have an understanding of the Catholic Church's present issues including the advent of the Evangelical Movement in Latin America and Africa. The next pope needs to be someone with a more human touch and a less authoritative and standoffish attitude. Pope Benedict was no John Paul II when it came to giving off an air of accessibility.

A second question: Will this be a lifetime commitment for the next guy? The fact that this is the first Pope to cash in the 401k in six centuries makes me wonder if there is a new precedent about to establish itself. The Pope is the key figure in church but let's understand one thing, being the Pope is almost like being a political figure. The Pope is the spiritual leader of something close to a billion followers worldwide. While the church no longer influences policy due to separation of church and state the fact is that the church is no less powerful or able to create controversy given it's stances on issues ranging from birth control to policy.

The Pope's resignation was a move that was practical in nature but at the same time it shows one thing, the church is in a state of chaos. The controversy that seems to surround the catholic church is entirely too much. The views and disputes on birth control and approaching populations is far more than people seem to understand. The fact is that church doctrine is less important to people in general since there is a separation of church and state but these are still matters of real importance on the world stage.

If I were to classify this particular Pope it would be as a transitional figure. John Paul II was at the helm for 26 years and became an iconic figure of mythical proportions. It would never be possible to replace him let alone find someone to have a similar impact. Now I assume the church will try to find someone that stands out as far more polarizing, open, and appealing. Given the current state of the church it's fair to wonder if the next in line will consider their charge a lifetime commitment or see resignation as a possibility.