MARRIAGE IS GREAT, WHEN TAKEN IN MODERATION

I think marriage is a wonderful institution, kind of like Disney World. When you enter marriage it's a lot like going to Magic Kingdom in the sense that there's wonder, joy, a little apprehension, some spending, and in the end you leave asking yourself why. Marriage quantity is also like Magic Kingdom in the sense that the more you go the more you spend and the less satisfied you are.

We jump into marriage sometimes too soon and sometimes not soon enough. Often times we go in because we fear living alone for a period of time or for the rest of our lives. Marriage can be the solution to a problem and a problem that never really needed solution to begin with. Sometimes we treat marriage like a ferris wheel with different colored pods.

I think it's vital we understand that those pods each have a different personality and they are likely to swing in ways we may not understand or appreciate. Marriage is wonderful in the same way that scolding hot coffee is wonderful, it keeps you up, worries you, and gives you a feeling of invincibility coupled with massive headaches.

I say marry with good intentions, live with better intentions and worry without consideration. If your marriage dissolves remember always that life is one and you must live on to fight another day.

PARENTING CAN BE HELL

As a parent I want the best for my son but sometimes it's impossible to not want to strangle the kid. Kids at a certain period can become unruly, rebellious and impossible to deal with. I think what bothers me the most is when that rebellion manifests itself quietly. When a teen is not really open about the daily goings on, it means that they are screwing up somewhere.

As a parent I want to understand but as someone not so far removed from my teens I can remember how hard it was to be that age. I still seem to have the hardest time relating to the whole teen angst thing. I guess it's a combination of me getting older and life rapidly evolving. I am better able to understand what life was like for my parents and yet I just don't want relent in my ways.

Parenting is fun but it can also be hell as time goes by. I guess my only choice is to really wait this out and look back it fondly in a few years time.

THE ART OF REBIRTH

Not too long ago I was feeling incredibly down, in fact I needed to reach up in order to touch the ground people walk on. As I sat in the dark wondering why I was even alive I felt a snap. I knew that there was something wrong and that something was the erosion of self belief. I knew that I needed to get up and rise again.

I realized in that moment when things seemed to snap that I was going to experience a rebirth. To me a rebirth is a sort of art, you have to look around at everything you see wrong and breathe in. Once you take that breath you close your eyes and drift into another state.

Once you have drifted you find yourself in a whole new level, at least I did. Yes there is rebirth, there is a possibility that life will get better when you have hit the bottom of the pile. I say this out of optimism, because I have lived it, I have lived through it many times. Yes I understand what it's like to fall, get up, fall again, and get up again and I don't mind.

Next time you fall, remember that if you wish to you will be born once more and rise.

EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS?

Did you ever have one of those days? It seems like everything starts out right and then suddenly it goes so wrong you are left wondering who you pissed off? Life is incredible that way and sometimes it takes a while before you can assimilate things. I've had days like that but rather than focus on how much they take out of me, I'd rather focus on what they give to me.

I'm healthy, intelligent and confident so a day that make may feel like I should be thankful. I have more going for me than what I realize and that's the case for most of us. So what do you do during a bad day? I compiled a little to do list:

• Breathe
• Relax
• Take a walk
• Look Around
• Let out a big FUCK IT

The fact is that life is short and when you waste one day you waste 1,000. When those days happen just relax and let your mind work its magic.

FANATICAL PEOPLE

I consider myself a fairly level headed individual most of the time. I respect people's opinions and beliefs but I don't particularly respect the concept of pushing beliefs onto others. I really dislike that whole concept of " what I believe is absolute and impossible to challenge." To me people that have that view are the very personification of ridiculous fanatics. I have a fascination with fanatical people and their this skin. I mean how in the hell can you go wrong when you challenge the narrow minded fanatic?

The hotest button is religion and it's also the best one to push in order to test the skin of a fanatic. I recently wrote an entry taking aim at a Cardinal banned from the church. I got a lot of comments and most of them were attacking me for not kissing the ass of the good Cardinal. The fact is that I don't kiss ass so much as I like to point out truths. A fanatic does not see reason or valid points beyond their own beliefs.

I love how a fanatic will defend their religion, political stands, and ideas without real base. A fanatic will stick with a narrow minded point of view will until they feel they have convinced you to see things their way. I remember this woman by the last name of Kang calling me delusional. I wonder if she understands the meaning of delusional or if she was actually pick crap out of the dictionary without reading the definition. How am I delusional if I don't see things your way?

A fanatic is a wonderful thing when you think of the entertainment their stupidity provides. I will always enjoy pushing fanatical buttons because frankly I enjoy it almost as much as I enjoy eating shrimp.

NEVER GIVE UP

I have heard that I need to give up my dreams and ambitions so many times. I have heard it said that I have " far out" goals and the truth is I don't give a shit. People that criticize me for taking action in pursuing my dreams are also the very cowards that do not have the courage to go after their own dreams. The fact is that dreams will only as far as you take them. If you have your dreams stuck to a pillow chances are better than average they will never come true.

I am living my dream because I want to live my dream. I am a writer, I am everything I wanted to be. I do get paid to do what I love but not as often as I need to. I know I will get paid more eventually and I can make the adjustments but giving up is not an adjustment I am considering. I made a decision that I would not put myself in a position where I would be the waiter and writer combo. This is not me being arrogant or unrealistic, it's me saying that if you want something in life you get it regardless of what you are told.

Life was meant to be lived with real desire, we are not here to exist and just be. To hell with all the cowards that are willing to wake up and exist. I respect every person's decisions in life but to be honest I don't really care what they think of mine. I am a writer, I write because I love to write and because I can write. I live life to the fullest because it's what I want. Every possession I have will live on because I can't take it with me. My dreams are something that will define me as they become reality and when I am gone people will remember what I dreamt, what I accomplished and what I stood for.

Dream on if you have the courage, achieve if you have the strength and never give up if you have the heart.

MOVING ON

Often times I see and hear people say that any particular situation is so overwhelming that they cannot move forward. Break ups, make ups, shake ups, screw ups, and any ups or downs are too much. Then there are individuals who move along in a manner that is beyond relaxed, really just borderline catatonic. Why the contrast? Simple, because in life you have to fight to move on no matter what the situation, and you have to fight while moving in order to keep from becoming a stepping stone. People tend to do way more talking and bitching than moving and fighting. I have been guilty of this crime myself, allowing situations beyond my control to take over my spirit and desire. I don't think about it but the truth is that when I do it only serves as a lesson, a lesson that encourages me to want to be different. Over thinking something and letting it get the best of your mind, spirit, body, or whatever is an easy road to perpetual defeat. Not thinking at all leads to the same thing. So the answer, as I see it, is to move and fight do one while doing the other. I know it is so much easier to say than do, but, is there anything in life that is not difficult to some extent? I am sure people will look at this and comment on my lack of a thesis statement, or grammatically correct approach, to that I say a big I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. There is a point behind what is written here, the point is that there is always a fight to be fought and that makes life interesting if we choose to engage and continue. I do not know the answer to the riddle of life but I do know and clearly understand the challenge.

THE TROUBLE WITH NARROW VISION

I have to say that  my unconventional way of looking at life makes me a tad bit impractical. I am the kind of person that believes that nothing in life is absolutely impossible and in some ways that makes me sort of an outsider in circles of normalcy. I don't know if anyone has ever stopped to really try and count the number of times they have been told they can't do something.

I won't say that I would have a million dollars if I had a dollar for every time I heard that. I will say that I would have enough to make it rain in the club, if you catch my meaning and if not please stop reading. Hearing that you can't accomplish something is hurtful and disheartening but more often than not it comes from people that are narrow minded and easily contented.

I think that narrow vision is a clear example of that theory that we only use about five percent of our brain. The human mind is a powerful tool but without vision, ambition, it's really rather irrelevant. Narrow vision makes people pessimistic, negative, and ultimately impossible to be around.

I know that this particular entry focuses on things that can't really be quantified nor examined in any way other than through studies that focus on human nature and habit. I don't really study the human mind or human behavior but I do focus on my hatred for negativity and its providers.

The trouble with a narrow mind and vision is negativity and the best response is HELLO FUCK FACE! EAT SHIT.

THE POWER OF A SIMPLE HELLO

Saying hello is quite possibly one of the simplest and most powerful gestures at a person's disposition. When you say hello and mean it you may well be changing a person's life. You never know at what emotional tipping point a person may be when you say that hello. A person may be sitting on a bench contemplating suicide, depressed over what event life has facilitated, or sad over serious loss. Hello is not merely a word but rather a powerful sound that makes someone think that there is still good in the world. You may not mean to change lives but true kindness a genuine caring gesture does make the world a better place to live. Always remember to say hello because by doing that you may well be changing the world one greeting at a time.

I'M IN A FUCKED UP STATE OF MIND

I heard something today that made me want to write this entry because while funny it's true. I was told that when I am in a fucked up state of mind I need to step back and think. I never quite thought about that before, and thoughtlessness is something I will address some other time. I asked myself: What is a fucked up state of mind?

I really can't answer that question but I can certainly speculate as to what a fucked up state of mind is. I think a fucked up state of mind is that endless moment where you don't want to face your own weakness and you don't want to admit that you are wrong. I guess it's fair to say that a fucked up state of mind is that period where your head feels like exploding because you don't want to let someone else win with reason.

I have been in a seriously fucked up state of mind more times than I should freely admit but the truth is that I am human and I need to own up to that. I think it's also a fucked up state of mind to think that you can't improve your own situation or pursue a dream or goal that calls out to you. In short a fucked up state of mind is something that provides absolutely nothing and I mean nothing good or positive to your life.

My advice is that when you find yourself in a fucked up state of mind you go ahead and switch to a New York state of mind.

LONELINESS OF BEING

I have always wondered if even people that claim to love being surrounded by others are really just trying to mask a feeling of intense loneliness. Each and every single one of us is an individual so it's fair to ask if deep down because of our individual natures we are all lonely to some extent. In my case it's easy to answer that because I have always felt alone and somewhat outside the sphere.

We are born alone and we die alone so it is fair to wonder if some of us are more affected by that moment of loneliness that brings us in or even the one that takes us out. Life can be so damn complicated and it seems like loneliness is one of those very unpleasant complications. We all face that moment in the mirror where we ask questions only we can answer. At the end of the day we are put in a position where we must learn to be by ourselves and for ourselves.

I guess we are all lonely and the difference between one lonely person and another is one may be able to use it as a source of strength as opposed to the greatest fountain of weakness. Loneliness is a fundamental part of the human condition and like everything else in life it's how we use that loneliness that makes a difference.

STARS IN DARK SKIES

One night after a righteous cocaine nose job a man stepped out into the dark. As the man looked around  he saw nothing but darkness. The only light that shined on his conscious mind and physical presence  was that light provided by the stars in the night sky. There was emptiness and silence, the man's mind was a kaleidoscope without color. The little bits and pieces in the man's mind that created the different forms and figures were in black and white with no areas forming any sort of illusions.

As the man walked he found himself getting closer to the stars. The man was not fully aware of reality so he could not tell if this was a hallucination. There was no noise in the background and the black sport coat and white shirt he wore could not shield him from the cold. As the man walked it seemed as if he were moving slowly up an escalator.

The stars shined brighter and became bigger and bigger as he went further and further up the celestial pathway. The famous lights were shinning and the man thought he was dead or close to it. The man was looking around and wondering if this was the end. As he looked around he became more and more confused. The man's skin wrinkled while keeping it's well tanned complexion. The man saw a drink materialize in his hand and started seeing mirrors form in the stars.

The man's hair turned grey right before him and he could see it. Each mirror seemed to illustrate something he could not see or feel. The images were still photographs of his own life as it slipped into the stars slowly. Suddenly without warning the man saw an explosion of light that appeared ready to engulf him. With great fear the man covered himself ready for the worst.

The man awoke in a field and saw himself surrounded by people looking in worst condition than him. The man saw fear, he saw panic and he saw a bright light. The man saw that explosion that had engulfed him and arose ready to walk on. The night had taken him into dark skies but the stars had given him a new life.

Why Giving in Can Never be an Option

I have never been the kind of person that sits on a corner giving motivational speeches in part because I just think that it's stupid to sit and try to tell people what to do and not do it yourself. I am, however, a firm believer that people should never give up on their dreams or ambitions. The truth of the mater is that it's dreams and ambitions that drive a person to success in life.

I write this more for people that have a drive to be unconventional and at the same time successful. I don't think it's necessary to pursue the aspirations of "normal" society to be a success in life. When people grow up under conventional circumstances they tend to be told that anything outside teaching, accounting, medicine, and law among other careers is not really acceptable.

What then about the beautiful girl that wants to be a model? What about the future thespian in the midwestern town? It seems like it's okay for a parent to tell their kids "that's not what is meant to be." I also love the whole test of faith thing too. People that have suffered love to tell you that suffering is for the masses and you have to have "faith." So is all of this just a way of saying give up?

I say go for it until you have nothing left to give and believe that you have something to offer. No one in the world can say "NO" in a definitive fashion and more than that giving up can never bring you any satisfaction.