THANKSGIVING SURVIVAL 101

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday when you are a guest, when you are the host the situation is a bit different. Often times you have to stress over the turkey, aunt June will bring her hideous casserole, and the kids will make a horrible mess on their new thanksgiving themed turkey sweaters. In short thanksgiving is a hosting nightmare. I will cover the following topics: 

• Television
• Air conditioning
• Health
• Cleanliness
• The house pet
• The desired end result

All of this advice comes from one thanksgiving I had back in 1989 where I witnessed the start of a small national conflict. I recall the gathering was being hosted at an unusual place by people in the family whom I was not so acquainted with. In the end there were headaches, lost dogs, and hurt feelings, bless the memories. I can remeber the battle that ensued when the dog got out during a discussion about the George Bush administration.

I have taken the liberty to go ahead and give you a few tips on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner. The first tip is to make sure that you have two TV sets, a large one with football on and a smaller one with the parades for the elderly. My next piece of advice is to keep the air on because if you don't there's a good chance your home will turn into a sauna. I would advice keeping some aspirin handy in order to deal with the pulsating headaches that you'll get as a result of the arguments that are sure to erupt over politics and religion.

On the cleanliness end I would advice you to use themed paper plates and plastic utensils, it seems that the messes created in thanksgiving are something else and no one is likely to aid you in the task of cleaning up. I would also say, make sure that your pets are secured because with the constant opening and closing of the doors there is sure to be an opportunity for Rusty the curious Chihuahua to step out for a sabbatical of sorts.

My last piece of advice on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner is not to lose track of the occasion and have fun. Thanksgiving is a day for family; it celebrates the idea of togetherness. Make sure you really give thanks for your elders, your dog, the cranberries, themed sweaters and horrible casserole; because you never know when that will all go away.