HOWARD........WHERE TO NEXT? ( SLIGHT SPOILER )

If you have seen Guardians of the Galaxy all the way you know that obscure icon Howard the Duck has made what seems like one off  appearance. What I enjoyed about that appearance was being reminded of that horrible attempt at a film that made me want investigate Howard's origins. Howard was a Marvel creation that was somewhat bastardized by the 1986 film. The cool thing about Howard is the fact that, according to his backstory, he is quite the badass. For the last 28 years I have wondered when Howard would come back, now he's back sort of. I wonder where Marvel will take him, if anywhere.   I hope that Disney doesn't decide to shit all over this foul like George Lucas did back in 86.'' We can only hope!

SPACE CATS WILL MAKE YOU THE COOLEST EVER

Miley Cyrus has gotten a lot of criticism because she grew up and no one associates her with her Hannah Montana image anymore. Miley is highly sexual, overly suggestive and it seems like that overshadows her amazing voice. Miley managed to completely turn that around with her AMA performance, with space cats no less.

Miley came out looking hot in a cat two piece and began belting out her hit Wrecking Ball with a kitty in the background. The cat served as a backup singer and as he sang the wire graphics reminiscent of the original Star Wars video game would come out and the cat ended up doing the tongue thing and crying. I think this moment far outshines the time when her dad offered critics a quarter in order to call someone who cares after he won for some douche country song.

I won't ever really be a huge Miley fan but I gotta give her this one because it was one of those performances that's both perfect and insane in every imaginable way.

THANKSGIVING SURVIVAL 101

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday when you are a guest, when you are the host the situation is a bit different. Often times you have to stress over the turkey, aunt June will bring her hideous casserole, and the kids will make a horrible mess on their new thanksgiving themed turkey sweaters. In short thanksgiving is a hosting nightmare. I will cover the following topics: 

• Television
• Air conditioning
• Health
• Cleanliness
• The house pet
• The desired end result

All of this advice comes from one thanksgiving I had back in 1989 where I witnessed the start of a small national conflict. I recall the gathering was being hosted at an unusual place by people in the family whom I was not so acquainted with. In the end there were headaches, lost dogs, and hurt feelings, bless the memories. I can remeber the battle that ensued when the dog got out during a discussion about the George Bush administration.

I have taken the liberty to go ahead and give you a few tips on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner. The first tip is to make sure that you have two TV sets, a large one with football on and a smaller one with the parades for the elderly. My next piece of advice is to keep the air on because if you don't there's a good chance your home will turn into a sauna. I would advice keeping some aspirin handy in order to deal with the pulsating headaches that you'll get as a result of the arguments that are sure to erupt over politics and religion.

On the cleanliness end I would advice you to use themed paper plates and plastic utensils, it seems that the messes created in thanksgiving are something else and no one is likely to aid you in the task of cleaning up. I would also say, make sure that your pets are secured because with the constant opening and closing of the doors there is sure to be an opportunity for Rusty the curious Chihuahua to step out for a sabbatical of sorts.

My last piece of advice on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner is not to lose track of the occasion and have fun. Thanksgiving is a day for family; it celebrates the idea of togetherness. Make sure you really give thanks for your elders, your dog, the cranberries, themed sweaters and horrible casserole; because you never know when that will all go away.

I'M YOUR DADDY LUKE

I love Star Wars and I always have, in part I love it because there was nothing like it and to this day there is nothing like it. I always wondered if there was a way to create a real lightsaber because I was really down with the idea of having my own lightsaber. I would not use my lightsaber on anything other than plastic bottles and Somali pirate ships.

Apparently I may have my big chance because it seems like scientists may be close to creating my dream device. The following link will take you to an article about the near creation of the lightsaber:

http://www.i4u.com/2013/09/56020/real-lightsaber-created

What I think is amazing about this development, besides the fact that I may now battle Somali pirates, is the fact that it's only been 35 years since this was first conceptualized. I'm almost certain that this type of development will meet with serious political and religious opposition. On the flip side of the equation I am certain that science advocates will welcome this with open arms, just because it means that we can eventually master anything we can think of.

Read the article, make your conclusions and may the force be with you.

STAR WARS EPISODE 7: THE RETURN OF GERIATRIC JEDIS FROM THE HOME IN ENDOR

The rumor mill for the latest Star Wars film have taken off. Everyone feels that JJ Abrams will be able to refresh the story telling in the latest film and make it a new flavor. I think it's great that everyone is this exited about the new series but there are a few things that concern me. They are talking bringing back Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher for the latest film.

I can see Harrison Ford accounting well for himself but Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher have not done anything on that level in years. While this would be a sort of career resurrection for the two of them, what will it do for the series? I think that the level of buzz surrounding this latest episode will surely generate a record first week, the story itself will likely be suspect.

The Star Wars universe has countless stories to chose from, many of those stories are centered around characters that would otherwise be seen as lees substantial, characters like the members of the Emperor's Royal Guard. I am a huge fan of the series and the original stars but I think that for them to really sell their portion of the story it will take a whole hell of a lot.

MARK HAMILL BACK AGAIN

The rumors of Mark Hamill's comeback are running rampant. I mean that Hamill is likely coming back to reprise his role Luke Skywalker in the new Star Wars saga. I want to come back to something I wrote previously with regards to this very speculation. How will the movie be written? Yes there is an expansive Star Wars universe that goes far beyond the first three films and also the prequels but that universe lives on in print only.

I like Mark Hamill but he is a little beyond past his prime so the big thing is going to be making the Jedi middle aged and kind of in that mold of the old guy that had something long ago. A lot of the speculation centers on making the children of Luke and Han and Leia the focus of the new story. All of this speculation is obviously feeding the machine which is great for future box office numbers. I still wonder how a reunion of the original characters will be received by die hard fans.

Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Billy Dee Williams, and Harrison Ford all look like they have been fighting wars through the galaxy for the last thirty years. In a way all the players look like George Lucas hoped they would when he mentioned this particular set of stories. Other rumors even mention Luke as the center of all three films, I think that would be a mistake. Star Wars has youth appeal combined with the idea of an elderly and sage kind of advisor leading the way to maturity and an eventual confrontation with the villain. I am interested to see where this particular set of trilogies will go especially given the possible participation of original cast members.

Time will tell how this story will be told but one thing is for sure and that's my presence on opening day  because I am still a little dork at heart.

A LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY........YOU KNOW

The entertainment world is on fire with the recent news of Harrison Ford's unofficial but done deal return to the role of Han Solo. I am pretty amped to hear that because I am a big Star Wars fan but I wonder how that will play out. The latest installment is due out in 2015 which means Ford will be 71 or 72. I wonder how exactly they plan to pull this story off.

The fact is that Star Wars is a universe full of a million different stories surrounding different characters in the saga. I wonder what exactly they plan on covering and if there is a place for Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. There is a magic element to the original cast getting together again but the true box office appeal is really on Harrison Ford who is himself more of an elder statesman. Role reprisal has proven a reliable source of income for aging stars but it doesn't necessarily mean that it will help the film in the long run.

If they don't bring back the original cast it's fair to say that a story will have to be crafted that will cover the demise of the other characters. I think that doing something like that will really piss off the loyal fan base simply because a lot of people like the continuity of the characters and story after Episode VI. People went to see the latest installment of Rocky because they love the nostalgic value of the series. I am guessing that this latest film will be a huge hit regardless of how the story is presented.

One fair question will be if they decide to go the TRON route with this particular film. In the sequel to TRON Jeff Bridges met with an end designed to give the story legs for either another film or a different medium. The Star Wars saga covers print, animation, video games, and just about everything that a person can get their hands on so the legs are not necessary. The question is will they take Harrison Ford and make him a character that comes in as a sort of mentor? I also wonder how they will approach the Jedi aspect? This is another big question seeing as how in the book continuations the Jedi Order was re-established by Luke Skywalker and let's face it everyone loves the sounds and colors of the lightsaber.

Star Wars is the entertainment world's most lucrative cash register so chances are that staying loyal to the original source material and the original storyline won't really be a priority seeing as how this is now a Disney owned franchise. May the Force be with you JJ Abrams.

When whizzing on the electric fence shocks you badly

So this is my first "blog" and man do I feel like a hypocrite. My wife has been telling me for years that I must blog. I never really dug the term for multiple reasons. My first reason for looking down on "blog" is because it made me think of that movie "The Blob." I really thought it was a trendy thing to do and I try to avoid that. The next thing you know you are the next idiot carrying a large cup of coffee and European man bag or purse telling the world that you are going to blog prior to Zumba class. I am into exercise by the way but I do do enjoy saying Zumba. At this point I am sure you are wondering how in the hell does my rant relate to my tittle and my response is patience because I like the build up.

I liken my experience here as that of a person that likes to come near an electric fence and take a whizz. I have never done that but I am sure it isn't necessarily pleasant. I have taken the time to prepare a bulleted list as to why whizzing on the electric fence may be bad and even SHOCKING and here it is:

1. The smell of urine if you are dehydrated and in general is just awful
2. Electric fences have varying effects on a person or animal
3. High tensile wires look fun and you may try the light saber battle but I would not recommend it (reference the film Spaceballs or Star Wars)
4. You may not be able to procreate after whizzing action
5. You are liable to develop freaky powers

If you don't believe it google it or maybe consider the WIKI route because they are highly trained scientists working for the purpose of your edification. At any rate let me continue on because I am building up to a bombshell that is bigger than Nancy Grace's beautifully sculpted hindquarters planetarium.

I saw the blog as an electric fence that I would never come near or whizz on. I have better sense than to do something like that in an open field so it isn't like I would do that any way. Alas here I am in the blog and whizzing on the electric fence. I am SHOCKED because of it but I'll get over it sooner than I got over the breakup of my first relationship in third grade (Recess-Lunch). Sorry if you are disappointed with a great buildup but come on Nancy Grace's ass is just gold.