Sunday, August 30, 2015

OKAY HERE'S THE DEAL


Donald trump is a freakshow, he's not someone that should ever be taken seriously in a political arena. The fact of the matter is that Trump's policies as well as his overall suggested platform are a ridiculous combo. This guy makes short, shocking, and often unacceptable comments for the sake of shock. What the hell can this guy do to help foreign policy? What does Trump know about the state of the union overall? This guy has admitted to basically purchasing politicians for special favors and somehow is somehow so acceptable that he's the lead dog in the republican race. I'm not going to say he's not a good businessman because to come back from four bankruptcies and failed ventures you have to be doing something right. I will say that a person that promotes hatred, bullying, and acts like a fucking isolationist dictator, has no place even being a part of the presidential race let alone one of the top candidates.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

A PLACE CALLED HELL


Often times we hear stories of corruption within our correctional system. When attempting to put things in perspective we rationalize by thinking "deadly criminals usually inspire this sort of thing." Often in these cases it's our nature is to turn our backs because somehow two wrongs will create a right.

In the process of turning our backs to many painful realities we also manage to miss out on horrid truths and events, some that will go on for lengthy periods of time if allowed. One such truth is the story of the Dozier School for boys AKA the Florida School for Boys. For those not familiar, this is the reform school where very recently the University of South Florida uncovered the graves of 55 students.

The school was opened for over 100 years and throughout is history, rather than reform the youth in the state of Florida, it often forced it into a struggle for survival. The school was a den of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. Often times this abuse would lead to death. A very real truth about this place is the fact that during the dark period of segregation, the biggest level of discrimination was aimed not at blacks, but at orphans.

There was equality in the school, in relation to punishment. Students would be subjected to lashings with thick leather belts, usually in a building referred to as the "White House." These lashings would leave students bloody, frightened and in deep pain, the kind of pain that never goes away. The students at Dozier were often there for offenses that were not always criminal in nature, calling into question the legality of many of the stays.

What exactly did this school do for the youth of Florida? Beyond the abuse, which is well documented, did it foster greater understanding of societal norms? No, this school created a greater sense of darkness, loss, and desperation in children that often came form abusive homes, when they actually had homes.

The exhumation of bodies by the University of South Florida was a huge revelation of the abuse, remains were found with blunt force trauma to the head, among other horrible revelations. This are not things that can in any way be undone, but they can be prevented from ever happening again. This particular story has been circulating for over eight years now, you may ask why not sooner. The fact is that the survivors of these tragedies that are now coming forward have been carrying their scars for too many years, more than humanly bearable.

As a society we owe it to these brave survivors, to the fallen, and to the irreversibly scarred, to speak about this in terms of helping create change. Let's ban together and stop it from happening again. The upcoming documentary "Boys School" will delve deep into the stories of the survivors, as a way to illustrate the hurt left behind by a school that was supposed to help reform youth, not twist it and destroy it.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

IT'S A MOTHERFUCKING CONSPIRACY!!!!!



Some strange shit is going on and I'm starting to think there is a universal conspiracy. Bruce Jenner is singing Dude looks like a lady, and the Golden State Warriors broke Lebron's heart winning their first championship in like forty years, CONSPIRACY I SAY! Some white woman is pretending to be black and being hailed a hero, conspirators afoot! Lastly Dr. Huxtable has apparently raped half of America, for shame CONSPIRACY!

Okay it's not really a conspiracy but I wanted to say or write that word because it amuses me so, have a nice day.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

SOME WORDS ON THE RACHEL THING



Honestly I try to avoid certain subjects because they tend to be lightning rods for controversy and I think life's too short for bullshit, but still some things I just have to comment on. Rachel Dolezal has been on the radar because she essentially lied about her race and as a result it's led to a discussion on identification, race, and so on. In her latest interview, with Matt Lauer she said that she identifies as black. Okay let me tell you why I have a problem with this.

There is a huge difference between identifying with something and actually being it. You can identify with whatever you want but that doesn't change what you, or who you are at your very core. The fact is that she is not black she is a caucasian woman, end of story. She spoke in her interview about the "black experience" and I'm wondering what the hell that means. Let's put a focus on that for a sec, blacks were enslaved for hundreds of years, seen as less, treated unfairly, discriminated against and made to fight for their basic human rights, is this the "experience" she is referring to?  Perhaps someone can explain to me how she was a part of that experience in her middle class upbringing.

In her interview with Lauer she stated that she as a little girl would draw picture of herself with a brown crayon. Does using a brown crayon qualify a person as being black? I drew self portraits with a red crayon but it doesn't make me Satan. I find her bullshit offensive because I have studied enough about civil rights struggles to know that this kind of move is, unwittingly or not, a huge slap to the face of every protester that was made to suffer major indignities during the Jim Crow era.

Let's put it in perspective, she identifies as black and feels that she has to lie about her race, she even claimed that an African American gentleman was her father. So does this mean she thinks she can make a difference in race relations by lying? It's clear Rachel doesn't know a whole hell of a lot. John Brown was a white man that was willing to take up arms in the 1800's in order to abolish slavery. Brown was influenced by black abolitionists such as Frederick Douglas and Soujourner Truth. John Brown did not identify as black, Brown did have a belief in freedom.

My point: RACHEL YOU ARE WHITE, MUCH LIKE YOU WHERE WHEN YOU SUED HOWARD UNIVERSITY AS A WHITE WOMAN FOR RACE DISCRIMINATION.

WORDS ABOUT LOVE


1) Sucks

2) FUCK!!!!!

3) Complication

4) Headache

5) WHAT?

6) Que?

7) Fucker

8) Coño

9) Ay

10) Dale

You welcome for making it totally uncomplicated and easy to get ;)

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

SEX TROLL UTOPIA


Social media has given birth......to the sex troll. The social media sex troll is usually a shorter, stubby fella with delusions of grandeur. Normally the sex troll will be rounder but he'll be trying hard to beef up. The Sex Troll lexicon will be something of an enigma. Sex trolls are well read, they usually read like twenty pages of Shapkespeare and will use the kind of dialogue that will confuse you enough to think " maybe this is a smart individual." The sex troll will normally be a male that has engaged in the art of chronic masturbation. Sex Trolls are the terrorists of dating because they make together fellas like me look like shit. The following are examples of the sex troll dialogue:

"Women must smell a man's scent"

"I'm gong to harvard in three years"

"I'll give you a Vegas bow tie"

"I'm feeling positive"

" Gotta hit my gym, lift some weights, and write three chapters of my novel " The Great American Chronicle of America."

" I love abstract, cerebral,thinky films."

"We can be friends."

In the end social media sex trolls are killing the twitter, the Facebook, fucking up the linkedin, and decimating tout ( is that still a thing?). Be on the lookout people, be on the lookout!

Saturday, May 2, 2015

SOCIAL MEDIA.......A DECADE LATER


If I had the dime for every time I hear the term social media chances are I'd probably be very popular at my local strip establishment of choice. While Social Media is one of the most annoying, overused terms ever it does make me think back to when I first joined Facebook. To me Facebook was somewhat useless, but fast forward nearly a decade and Facebook, like twitter. has become a part of my daily routine. It's funny though, Facebook has a feature that allows you to see how long a person has been your friend. It's incredible to imagine that some of these "friendships" are six and seven years old. You may never meet these people but in you are tied to their lives in a very real and sometimes emotional way. With social media you witness triumph, tragedy, success, failure. I'm not a huge advocate for social media, not at least from a super personal perspective but I am impressed nonetheless at how this phenomenon has taken the pen pal relationship to a whole new level.

Sunday, March 1, 2015

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER


The passing of Leonard Nimoy is one of those sad but "life is like that" events. Looking back it's easy to see why Nimoy was such a beloved figure beyond Star Trek lore. Outside of his identifying role as Spock in Star Trek Nimoy was extremely productive, from his directorial runs in television and film to also staring in shows like Mission Impossible. Leonard Nimoy leaves behind a legacy as one of those " I can do a million things" type guys. They just don't make them like that anymore, live long and prosper sir.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

TOP TEN BRUCE JENNER FEMALE NAMES


Now that Bruce Jenner has discovered he is a girl I have taken it upon myself to come up with possible names for him. The list reads as follows:


  1. Kimberly Jenner Saggy Tits
  2. Kanyeonce West
  3. Beyonce Z Kardi
  4. The World's Ugliest ho
  5. Atletica Mamando
  6. Armanda La Wango Tango
  7. Jannay Wheatie 
  8. Deca Jones
  9. America Vaginalis
  10. Fanny Brittany Martinez Johanson 
These are some possibilities, good luck Bruce, hope they bronze your balls and put them in the Smithsonian. 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

A FEW BRIAN WILLIAMS MEMES TO BRIGHTEN THE DAY








This is what happens when you lie from a position of public moral authority.

YOU HAVEN'T MADE IT...................UNLESS YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF A NET DEATH HOAX



When I was growing up I used to hear comedians say that " you haven't made it unless you've been in Johnny Carson's Tonight Show." If you fast forward a few decades, making it is now determined by internet death hoax. Every relevant celebrity is usually killed twice before actually dying. Everyone from Mickey Rourke to Morgan Freeman has been the victim of unfortunate internet death. It's eerie to think that sometimes the victim of said death is close enough to the grave for the rumor to be believed and spread, case and point: Chespirito. Ah death, makes a star of us all!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

TOP TEN LITTLE KNOWN THINGS LIKELY TO HAVE BEEN MISREMEMBERED BY BRIAN WILLIAMS


Okay come on now, the whole  Brian Williams thing is too delightful to pass up. Without further distraction here is a top ten of little known things Brian may have remembered differently:

1) That time he haggled with a crack whore, as Brian remembers it he was asking for directions and not a New York Minute.

2) That one time he told his wife he was a asking a kind lady for directions in a back alley because he got lost on the way to Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

3) Brian may have misremembered that one time he shared a bonding moment with Bruce Jenner at Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

4) When he politely nudged an old lady across the street, he may have remembered that a bit different.

5) When he  shared a special experience with his scout master, that may also have been a slight inaccuracy.

6) That time he gave Obama a " hard time" about Obamacare..........( That's for conservative and FOX News people, do with it what you must)

7) Brian may not be clear on the whole pimping bitches in Branson incident.

8) I think Brian may also have misremembered about that famous orgy in Bernie Madoff's vault.

9) The time he told a bunch of children about the existence of Santa Klaus and how he once rhode the sleigh.

10) That one time at band camp when he may have jammed..........okay a bit dated but who doesn't love a good American Pie reference?

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

LOVE HURTS.................OR I JUST WANT YOU FOR YOUR BODY


If you haven't kept up, America's jailhouse sweetheart Charles Manson was engaged to be married to a girl nearly 100 years younger than him. If you fast forward the clock it seems apparent that Uncle Charles has been bitten by the love monster, you know the one that leaves you broke and confused. I guess Manson's fiancé wanted him for his body, literally. No, the girl did not want a piece of his Mansonrang ( Batman reference ), she literally wanted his corpse. The girl wanted Manson's body so she could exhibit it as a sort of tourist attraction. I have to say this girl is about the most entrepreneurial person yet. Can you imagine the Facebook fan page? Oh the Instagram tags! #Manson #EmpireState, #Californiasexay, #Killerbiotch. I think it's kind of funny that a heartless killer has had his heart broken. Love baby, it conquers all!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

EVERYONE LOVES WHORE MONGERING BEARS


It's Ted and he's coming back in TED 2. I love this bear because he just doesn't give a shit and breaks all the rules. In this day and age of tepid political correctness we should all be more like Ted and drink, screw, and repeat. Okay there sensitivity peeps I'm joking but I do recommend watching this for the mindless and worry free entertainment it provides. Life as I see it, (pun) is just too short.

WHY TRENDING NEWS ARE JUST TOTAL SHIT


The image above shows Paris Hilton's brother Conrad, an apparent douchebag that may get to do some hard time due to a tantrum he threw on a flight. The little cocksucker called everyone peasants and scared little kids, he also apparently attacked flight attendants. I'm assuming his issue stems from having to DP his sister's sex vids (double entendre). What's funny is that while this is a news story worth noting given the serious nature of the incident, it was his sister's name that was trending. Way to take one for the team Paris, we love you and hope you never die.

A LITTLE BIT OF TREBLE MAY HELP THAT BASS


I get that sexy is a big deal in today's society but seriously, at what the cost? Let's talk about the Brazilian ass champion that know look like a living example of the family classic board game Operation. I guess this girl wanted her orb to be the one that every ass pirate dreams of. In an attempt to make her ass even more worthy of praise she decided to go ahead and get some sort of illegal injection ( illegal in Brazil, SHIT) that gave her serious funk. The image above shows the results of her ass quest, and leads me to the following question, What is wrong with the world today?

BRUCE..............REALLY?


I've never been critical of people's choices but FUCK, Bruce Jenner? I guess I'm having a hard time thinking of the decathlete  superman as a lady. Now whenever I watch an episode of CHIPS with Bruce in it it just won't be the same. I guess this is a logical step for him given the fact that he spent almost two decades being emasculated by that sexy, cougar hooker, ex wife of his. Bruce certainly isn't the first athlete to do this though, back in the 1970's Renée Richards, once known as Richard Raskind, did the same thing and went on to compete in women's tennis. Seriously though, they should release a 40th anniversary commemorative Wheaties box with Bruce as his new self.