SAVE BACON BACON

In the news today there was in interesting piece about a bacon restaurant shutting down because neighbors were complaining of the smell. This is the type of thing that makes me sad because I love bacon and bacon providers. To me it's a typical case of miserable assholes trying to figure out a way to complain about something that doesn't bother anyone. Bacon is a wonderful thing that makes people so happy and it even lengthens the life of some.

One person showed up to a hearing in order to complain about the place and I can imagine what the person looked like. I bet it was probably some 40' something vegan jackass. I imagine the person had hipster glasses and skinny jeans and wore a shirt that read Black Sabbath 76' and had one of those ascot looking hats. Perhaps the culprit was trying to make love to his left hand when suddenly the smell of bacon made him go flaccid.

I hope Bacon Bacon can survive this ordeal and successfully move forward. The world needs a place to fill its bacon needs. I need bacon burritos, bacon scampi, bacon burgers, bacon shakes, bacon pancakes, bacon everything. Let's ban together and save the bacon with the help of Kevin Bacon. I know I am reaching at this point but hey when dealing with bacon you must go very far.

STARBUCKS, HOME OF THE ASSHOLES

I read that a mother was treated pretty poorly at a Starbucks and ridiculed because she needed to change her baby's diaper. The situation escalated to the point where the woman's husband became enraged which led the employes to calling the cops. I am not really surprised that any of this happened. Starbucks is a lot like candy for assholes in the sense that it attracts people with with serious personality deficiencies.

The typical Starbucks serves as housing for douchebags that like to pretend by taking their laptops and making believe that they are writing the great American novel. There is a percentage of those people with laptops that are legit students but most of the times it's the dude wanting to establish his pseudo intellectual superiority.

The thing is that Starbucks isn't only frequented by douchebags but it's also manned by the worst people in the world. I don't know why but most of the time I go Starbucks I am forced to deal with total assholes. I feel like any request I make is met with total disgust. I don't understand why but Starbucks employs these hipster punks and all of them are so full of themselves. I am shocked at the attitude when all they do is make coffee.

I am glad to know that Starbucks was exposed as a shit hole.

THE KIOSK PITCH

I remember there was a time when going to the mall was fun and enjoyable. I think that the fun I used to have came more from the sense of wonder and possible spoil myself purchases than anything else. Now whenever I go to the mall I feel like I have to duck people whose concept of personal space doesn't really exist.

I love walking by the cosmetic and remote control helicopter kiosks because usually I get singled out in order to be offered the deal of a lifetime. The pitch is always the same with regards to the product. If it's dead sea skin care products you get some sort of offer that usually falls short of the price you were originally quoted. Let me give you an example of the pitch:

SELLER: Hey sir.

Me: Hello.

SELLER: Free sample?

Me: No thanks I'm in a rush.

( Usually you get a girl with a hot name and classy but slutty disposition)

SELLER: Where are you from?

ME: Here.

SELLER: The mall? (Insert slutty playful laugh)

ME: No, the state of Florida.

SELLER: You are brazilian?

ME: Puerto Rican

SELLER: Ever try our Dead Sea Salt for the skin/

ME: Yes i have it.

SELLER: You have good skin but let me show this product, it's made from the scrotum of a monorchid gorilla named Billy Numero Uno. It's good for the skin and sexual virility. You have a girlfriend?

(By now the girl is on you trying to get a rise)

ME: Yes.

SELLER: I bet she likes to feel your skin ( The girl's English is not really great enough to be considered perfect but she is trying hard)

ME: Yes ( I'm holding in laughter and shame)

SELLER: This is worth 1,200 but I do promotion for you for 600 dollars. You get them out of the box and a special kit for the face made with semen from a blue Peacock.

At this point negotiations usually break down because to me that amount of money is ridiculous considering I can get the same products cheaper on ebay. Yes I do take care of myself. I usually try to leave kindly and without incident but that doesn't work seeing as how the person decides to confront me about my reasons for not forking out a house payment on that bullshit.The same thing usually happens with the helicopters and nano massagers. Some seven years ago it used to be hot Brazilian girls giving nearly pornographic massages while dressed provocatively. The lesson here is that you can get felt up without paying while also getting a facial.

GIVING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A PUBLIC THING

It's really good to see that Steve Jobs' widow is only stepping into the spotlight in order to push philanthropy goals. Mrs. Jobs has been a supporter of education for the underprivileged for several years and is an advocate for gun control.What I find really great about the story is that this is a private person not trying to draw attention to herself.

I find it abhorrent when people engage in acts of philanthropy in order to draw attention to themselves so this is a nice change of pace. Money does influence and in most cases drive major decisions. To see a person take their fortune and position in order to try and improve the quality of life for those less fortunate is quite refreshing.

Perhaps Steve Jobs' widow will help usher in a new era where giving is once again hailed as an acceptable practice. Good job!

FANATICAL PEOPLE

I consider myself a fairly level headed individual most of the time. I respect people's opinions and beliefs but I don't particularly respect the concept of pushing beliefs onto others. I really dislike that whole concept of " what I believe is absolute and impossible to challenge." To me people that have that view are the very personification of ridiculous fanatics. I have a fascination with fanatical people and their this skin. I mean how in the hell can you go wrong when you challenge the narrow minded fanatic?

The hotest button is religion and it's also the best one to push in order to test the skin of a fanatic. I recently wrote an entry taking aim at a Cardinal banned from the church. I got a lot of comments and most of them were attacking me for not kissing the ass of the good Cardinal. The fact is that I don't kiss ass so much as I like to point out truths. A fanatic does not see reason or valid points beyond their own beliefs.

I love how a fanatic will defend their religion, political stands, and ideas without real base. A fanatic will stick with a narrow minded point of view will until they feel they have convinced you to see things their way. I remember this woman by the last name of Kang calling me delusional. I wonder if she understands the meaning of delusional or if she was actually pick crap out of the dictionary without reading the definition. How am I delusional if I don't see things your way?

A fanatic is a wonderful thing when you think of the entertainment their stupidity provides. I will always enjoy pushing fanatical buttons because frankly I enjoy it almost as much as I enjoy eating shrimp.

LUCKY BRAND WILL SMOKE THE SHIT OUT OF ABECROMBIE ANY DAY

Personally I have never liked Abercrombie & Fitch and I was not aware that its CEO looked like a stretched out dough boy. I am not saying what I'm saying because of the recent controversy started by the CEO''s remarks that his store is not for everyone, I am saying it because Abercrombie's practices are awfully arrogant for a store that really isn't at all cost prohibitive. I love to shop at Lucky Brand Jeans and everything from materials, to stitching to general quality is far superior to Abrecrombie & Douche. Why does lucky band have larger sizes? I would say that Lucky Brand wants to cater to everyone because they know how to do business.

I can't respect a company like Abercrombie when they have this attitude like they are somehow superior and their clothes meant to be worn by a select few. I am assuming Mike Jeffries is targeting that niche anorexia and bulimia market. I say Abercrombie should use crackheads as models since they are so concerned with appealing to the cool. Mike Jeffries himself may be better suited to appeal to crackheads and junkies in general since he himself looks like a fucking cocaine addict. To be totally honest I don't care for a store that has a moose as part of its seal or brand; I much prefer lions and what have you because they look more impressive as logos than does a moose taking a crap.

I remember being in Amsterdam when Abrecrombie opened a store there. I recall that the line was crowded with women that were definitely above a size ten. Is Mike Jeffries aware that Dutch women are bigger? Is Mike Jeffries aware that people in Holland love to eat well? It's obvious that Mike is still tripping on some great cocaine he likely sniffed from the scrotum of a young Abercrombie male model. Seriously people if you are going to buy something, go to Lucky Brand instead of that shitty flannel store. Lucky Brand is a great store and if you go to Millenia Mall or Florida Mall in Orlando you will be treated like royalty. My point is fuck Abercrombie, they suck ass and their clothes are cheap shit anyway.

SPIRITUAL RENEWAL......TOTAL BULLSHIT

I respect people and I respect their beliefs and their right to believe. I do not respect assholes that use the veil of spirituality to rise to some sort of power that only really soothes the ignorant. Enter the Cardinal Keith O'Brien from Scotland who has admitted sexual misconduct and since resigned as archbishop for "spiritual renewal." This is where I draw the fucking line, this man was hailed as a "Prince" of the church. The fact is that the good Cardinal has not specified what his misconduct was and I wonder if it was something related to little boy behinds.

The term spiritual renewal and prayer is absolute shit to me. I bet this guy is going to a beach where he will have a cabana boy named Victor bring him a cocktail in a speedo. I am so tired of this shit and the lack of action from the church. Sanction? This is the term that we are using now in order to refer to a slap on the wrist. I hate the fact that because these men are the so called " agents  of god" they are let off with a slap to the wrist.

The church has become a joke and for a very long time it has proven to be nothing more than a hugely politicized entity serving only in its own interest. I am tired of the church and honestly I am tired of every church because it's all a joke, I defy anyone in any church to establish their perfection. I don't believe in holy rollers because so far the majority of them have proven their flaws to be too great to be able give me absolution and judge me for my sins. Wake up everyone, our so called spiritual leaders are human too and they are just as imperfect but they wield a power we respect way too much.