A FEW BRIAN WILLIAMS MEMES TO BRIGHTEN THE DAY

This is what happens when you lie from a position of public moral authority.

TOP TEN LITTLE KNOWN THINGS LIKELY TO HAVE BEEN MISREMEMBERED BY BRIAN WILLIAMS

Okay come on now, the whole  Brian Williams thing is too delightful to pass up. Without further distraction here is a top ten of little known things Brian may have remembered differently:

1) That time he haggled with a crack whore, as Brian remembers it he was asking for directions and not a New York Minute.

2) That one time he told his wife he was a asking a kind lady for directions in a back alley because he got lost on the way to Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

3) Brian may have misremembered that one time he shared a bonding moment with Bruce Jenner at Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

4) When he politely nudged an old lady across the street, he may have remembered that a bit different.

5) When he  shared a special experience with his scout master, that may also have been a slight inaccuracy.

6) That time he gave Obama a " hard time" about Obamacare..........( That's for conservative and FOX News people, do with it what you must)

7) Brian may not be clear on the whole pimping bitches in Branson incident.

8) I think Brian may also have misremembered about that famous orgy in Bernie Madoff's vault.

9) The time he told a bunch of children about the existence of Santa Klaus and how he once rhode the sleigh.

10) That one time at band camp when he may have jammed..........okay a bit dated but who doesn't love a good American Pie reference?

HASHTAG, POUND SIGN, NUMBER SIGN, TIC TAC TOE, LINES SQUARED

I was watching the Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon hashtag skit and laughing and suddenly I realized that jackassery has run away with society. If you are wondering what I mean, please allow me to elaborate. The number sign has evolved into a way for people to state what their feelings are without actually taking the time to write an articulate sentence. I get it, I think it's cool that we want to be less complicated as a society but # FUCK.

If you want to say you are happy in writing I have a perfect solution and that is writing " I'm happy today" as opposed to # Happy, # Got laid Friday, # Sexomatic. People have actually take to using words that do not exist through the use of the tic tac toe board. I am impressed about one thing though and that is the versatility of this symbol.

Prince, an all time great, was once known as a symbol and yet his symbol did not really last. I think that maybe Prince should have called himself Hashtag, or the currently #Prince, maybe prince would still be selling Purple Rain numbers. I want to pin the use of the hash on every dried up bitch of a high school english teacher # Old Whore, # Killed Shakespeare, # Got the pension.

I remember that abbreviation in writing was a no no back in the day, the problem was that when it happened we were chastised and ridiculed. Now everyone uses the hashtag, I wonder if in the future the hashtag will become a part of # grammar. I think this epidemic, trend, or whatever the fuck it is, may well be a conspiracy between trekkies, and other # never got laid fanboys, to start some sort of space language. I wonder how exactly we would express love with the hashtag in terms of love.

I just don't subscribe # out of touch, # I don't really give a fuck, # hash is a hell of a drug, # hash is in a brownie too motherfucker.

THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER CARSON

When you think of The Tonight Show in terms of its legend you think of everything from Steve Allen to Jack Paar's classic interviews but the only real legend of the the show was Johnny Carson whose 30 year tenure made him the late night measuring stick for generations to come. If you look at the history of the show for the last 20 years you are looking at a late night soap opera. Since Carson made his shocking retirement announcement in 1991 the show has been at the center of some serious controversy.

The first firestorm started when Carson made his announcement setting the stage for a major war between the rightful heir and Carson favorite David Letterman and guest host extraordinaire Jay Leno. Just about everyone initially maligned Carson when truthfully it was the Jay Leno's agent putting pressure on Carson to leave and on NBC to chose Leno. Things on the show only got worst as time passed because of declining ratings, Letterman's move to CBS in the same time slot and Jay Leno's intense agent almost causing dead air during the 1992 elections. After Hugh Grant's Divine Brown bonanza in 1995 the show took a turn of dominance that lasted 14 years.

The 2009 exit of Jay Leno paved the way for low ratings, Conan O'Brien, Jay Leno's failed primetime show and a comeback that made Leno the asshole of the 21st century. For the last few months they have talked about Jimmy Fallon becoming Leno's replacement and Leno has begun lobbing bombs at NBC in order to defend his spot. This is why there will never be another Carson.

Jay Leno has done to other people what David Letterman did not do to him. David Letterman was offered the show if Leno failed to turn ratings around during an 18 month period. David Letterman did not do that Jay Leno but Leno did it to O'Brien after 8 months and his own inability to provide NBC with the ratings he provided during his 17 years as Carson's replacement. Johnny Carson was going to leave the show in 1979 and was courted to stay by being allowed ownership of the show and the control over Letterman's show which his company produced.

Jay Leno will never come close to Carson, Conan could not do it and Jimmy Fallon can only dream of that zip code. Face it, there will never ever be another Carson.