YOU HAVEN'T MADE IT...................UNLESS YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF A NET DEATH HOAX

When I was growing up I used to hear comedians say that " you haven't made it unless you've been in Johnny Carson's Tonight Show." If you fast forward a few decades, making it is now determined by internet death hoax. Every relevant celebrity is usually killed twice before actually dying. Everyone from Mickey Rourke to Morgan Freeman has been the victim of unfortunate internet death. It's eerie to think that sometimes the victim of said death is close enough to the grave for the rumor to be believed and spread, case and point: Chespirito. Ah death, makes a star of us all!

WHAT'S WITH THE DEAD CELEBRITY HOAX CRAP?

I rarely pay attention to articles about people dying anymore because it's really only true when it's something you see coming. You are probably wondering what I mean, every week it seems like we hear of a celebrity dying. Sometime back we heard of Morgan Freeman dying, Adam Sandler, Bindi Irwin, and Mickey Rourke. Every major celebrity seems to have died some sort of odd and unexpected death at some point or another. I wonder what the hell the fascination is with saying someone is dead.

When I was growing up I remember people's deaths not really being a subject of jubilation and happiness. I am surprised that with the evolution of technology death has become a cool subject to laugh about. I remember how people would react to rumors of the demise of a celebrity, not cool usually. While I am not a celebrity monger that chases after autographs, I am not really down with the let's guess who died today thing.

I think society's fascination with constantly killing off celebrities is a clear example of the fact that entertainment is not quite what it used to be. As a result of a deficiency in today's entertainment I guess people are making their own with death, disease, and unnecessarily tacky rumor spreading. At the end of the day I guess it's all a part of the sort of medium we have access to in the net, makes anything a feasible truth.

THE INTERNET AS A PERSON

Have you ever wondered what the internet would be like as a person? I think given the vast array of knowledge and connectivity in the web it would be something like Archie Bunker in that it would e full of knowledge that's not always useful, more than a little racism, a lot of narrow mindedness and more than likely a massive asexual nature that would almost completely forbid it from reproduction. I am fascinated by the internet for so many reasons.

None of use can give the internet a physical appearance whatsoever. The internet could be a sexy woman, a fat man, a Nigerian scheme artist looking to spread your family's wealth to you since a horrific plane crash or a dog. We don't know what it looks like but we can give it some shape. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have the internet over for dinner?

I imagine the internet would provide great conversation and an occasional anecdote concerning some unimaginable sexual act involving a bottle, a french tickler, a blender and two different types of orange juice. Then there is the internet's growth into relationships and possible proliferation of the family persuasion. I know I mentioned the internet as asexual but I can imagine an internet child. I think the internet would likely marry Forgy Network, a petite girl in the communications industry.

I imagine the internet would name his first child My Space whilst the second far more gifted and charismatic one would be known as Facebook and a third with the ability to assimilate would be known as Twitter. The internet would disown My Space for being completely lame while watching Facebook marry off to Jennifer Instagram Epstein while Twitter would struggle in a long term live in relationship with Pinterest Long that just won't go anywhere due to Pinterest's one dimensional views and narrow minded nature.

The Internet would never retire and work the same way Fidel Castro has, blocks of eternity. Chances are that the net would run for political office and end up taking the world in some sort of misinformation coup that would employ vast amounts of ignorance from followers. I think that the film TRON pretty much gave it all away as far as the internet goes.

Lucky for us the internet is not a person with said capabilities of taking over the world, or is it?

I GUESS McAFEE'S SOFTWARE IS OUT OF DATE

So John McAfee had some sort of heart attack while in police custody in Guatemala. I am not one to laugh at other people's misfortunes but really this has a bit of comedy in it. I say it has comedy in it provided you have a somewhat dark and twisted sense of humor.

McAfee was found on the floor of the "cottage" or holding area heis in while awaiting deportation to Belize. As of the last three or four weeks the software pioneer has been on the run because he is a person of interest in the murder of Gregory Faull. I think that McAfee really violated the principles of his creation on this one.

Over a 23 day period McAfee blogged and tweeted about his days on the run. I find this kind of ironic as it was his software that taught us never to leave our PCs opened to possible malware. The man that invented a form of security exposed himself like a streaker in a Manchester United football game. The stress must have really taken a toll on him as he was found on the floor silent and motionless.

I wonder if McAfee really comitted the murder or knows about how it went down. I hate to speculate as to how it may have gone down but I will anyway. I think it was a hot nigh in Belize and McAfee and Faull were playing a game of Dominoes and drinking delicious sambucas while splitting some wonderful cantinpalo chorizo cut to perfection. The two men were having a conversation when Faull's Iphone rang. When silencing the phone McAfee said "That phone is so gay." Faull responded to McAfee by saying " At least I don't need your shitty ripoff software in my mac." Enraged and full of hot sambuca McAfee decided to go ahead and strike Faull in the eye socket with an unusually sharp domino. Finding himself invincible in a moment of true hubris McAfee yelled "McAfee can protect you but no one protects you from McAfee."

Realizing what he had done Mcafee picked up his green tea pills, bloody domino, and laptop and immeadiately called for his trusty hang glider known in Belize as The Bonzo and glided into the safety of a cave where he then took refuge for two days where he carefully thought up a plan to go to Guatemala. While on hte run he decided to light a firewall inside his house and blog like a madman. Everything was fine for McAfee until he got a "Your software is out of date message."

This is all humorous speculation but the truth of the matter is that McAfee is in the kind of situation that no one ever wants to be in. In his shoes I am sure that anyone else would want to die. Itwill be interesting to see how this whole situation pans out.