SEX TROLL UTOPIA

Social media has given birth......to the sex troll. The social media sex troll is usually a shorter, stubby fella with delusions of grandeur. Normally the sex troll will be rounder but he'll be trying hard to beef up. The Sex Troll lexicon will be something of an enigma. Sex trolls are well read, they usually read like twenty pages of Shapkespeare and will use the kind of dialogue that will confuse you enough to think " maybe this is a smart individual." The sex troll will normally be a male that has engaged in the art of chronic masturbation. Sex Trolls are the terrorists of dating because they make together fellas like me look like shit. The following are examples of the sex troll dialogue:

"Women must smell a man's scent"

"I'm gong to harvard in three years"

"I'll give you a Vegas bow tie"

"I'm feeling positive"

" Gotta hit my gym, lift some weights, and write three chapters of my novel " The Great American Chronicle of America."

" I love abstract, cerebral,thinky films."

"We can be friends."

In the end social media sex trolls are killing the twitter, the Facebook, fucking up the linkedin, and decimating tout ( is that still a thing?). Be on the lookout people, be on the lookout!

THE THINGS IN LIFE THAT MAKE ME LAUGH

I have to laugh every time I see SMS talk because it's become so accepted that it's almost replacing actual statements and what have you. It's almost like people have become to lazy to write in full words. In the days when I was a kid learning about writing out a complete sentence I remember that answering a simple yes was frowned upon. I guess we are going backward now which is why it's okay to use the alphabet in ways that we never before thought possible.

I  remember the first time I read "lol" on a message I was wondering what the hell it meant. I love how if you don't know what any of that means you  are pretty much an outsider, so far out of the loop, you don't belong in society. I find this funny because not only is it incorrect, it's ridiculous. I am not saying that because I like to write I am saying it because I fucking hate the lazy nature of SMS, online, IM  talk.

Next time you write LOL try to remember what it stands for. Don't type stupid shit like OMFG, OMG, IDK, it's a lazy shortcut and it's not really endearing.

THE EVOLUTION OF THE IM

I remember when AOL IM was the only game in town. In those days, not so long ago, the conversation was started by the iconic magic sounding pixie dust bit. I remember the conversations were like meat market exchanges between horny tweeners and promiscuous housewives. I shall now provide an example of said exchanges:

Tweener: Hey!

Slutty Lady: Hi!

Tweener: How are you?

Slutty Lady: Good.

Tweener: What are you doing?

Slutty Lady: A/S/L

Tweener: 35/M/ Manhattan

At this point you knew the conversation was heading to some sort of exchange that included sand paper and bodily fluids coupled with some manner of Chinese Water Torture. The one thing that always stuck out was how you didn't always know the lingo and so, in a way, you had to coax it out of the person in order to understand what they were saying. The following is a sample of said situation:

Person 1: So are you horny? LOL

Person 2: Um yeah LOL

Person 1: Lol

Person 2: Hahahaha

Person 1: Yes!

Person 2: LO

Person 1: ???

Person 2: Like LOL.

Person 1: So laughing out?

Person 2: Yes!!!!!

Person 1: But not loud?

Person 2: YES!!!! LOL

At this point during the conversation you knew something and would go on to use it. Sometimes vulnerability would rear in asking the meaning of something like A/S/L. When you knew the lingo it was like sitting at the permanently reserved cool kids lunch table in elementary and middle school. There was always that moment when you ran into someone that would pull the pseudo intellect to really smack you across the emotional face. It was always some moment that made you question the cyber cred you had as an online player.

Now that Skype, Messenger, Yahoo!, and Gmail chat have a share of the IM market there seems to be new lingo to figure out such as:

FML
LMAO
LMFAO
IDK
TTYL

This type of lingo seems to be more in tune with today's misguided and less productive youth and also a lot easier to figure out. I am not really a fan of all this BS but I do find its evolution to be quite entertaining and let's face it society is in some sort of vacuum. Why not study incorrect and somehow acceptable abbreviations of words?