WHY TRENDING NEWS ARE JUST TOTAL SHIT

The image above shows Paris Hilton's brother Conrad, an apparent douchebag that may get to do some hard time due to a tantrum he threw on a flight. The little cocksucker called everyone peasants and scared little kids, he also apparently attacked flight attendants. I'm assuming his issue stems from having to DP his sister's sex vids (double entendre). What's funny is that while this is a news story worth noting given the serious nature of the incident, it was his sister's name that was trending. Way to take one for the team Paris, we love you and hope you never die.

IF IT ISN'T IN PERSPECTIVE YET, LET'S TAKE IT THERE

I once heard a mind blowing stat that by the end of my high school years I would have watched close to 17,000 hours of television. To me that stat was a clear example that life was somewhat trivial. I thought " What the fuck man?" I was 17 when I heard this and honestly I had no clue.

What I have realizing  is that TV has an incredible amount of power, the power to change life as we know it and society as we see it. Let's put it into a serious perspective here. When FDR died it was a couple of days before the country was completely aware of that fact. When JFK was assassinated it was around in the same day.

Television the medium that gave us Watergate and the eventual fall of a president. Yes, today television gives us a lot of shit that's come around as the result of praise lavished upon the mediocre. Television began the quest of making the world a smaller place, social media has made it an art, but television started it. To put it in perspective, what was once an invention that served as a form of entertainment is today the tool that brought the world together.

It's television that gives us a little to talk about in the water cooler, something to argue about with politics, and the things that bring us together.

MY PROBLEM WITH PAGEANTS

I have a serious problem with pageants and it centers around the mothers making their daughters look like young Washington wives and not allowing them the opportunity to be children. I was home watching TV and as I flipped channels I came upon TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras and I was shocked and appalled by what I saw.

The mothers were threatening their daughters with taking away privileges while saying that some of the other children were ugly. Did any of these "mothers" have a childhood? Were the mothers so ugly and insecure that they decided to go ahead and put a mortgage on the house so little Suzy could make them feel oh so special?

TLC is a joke of a network that is pathetic at best and this show proves it. I hate to see little girls exploited like this. I hate to see parents engage in this shameful practice, there was a father dressing like a freaking bear, what a loser. I hope this show gets cancelled and all those mothers get molested by a horny sasquatch.

SOMEONE PLEASE STOP THE NIGHTMARE

If you've been keeping up with me, you know I hate Honey Boo Boo. I think that show is a great example of everything that's wrong with society. You have an almost 300 lb. woman raising a hateful little pig of a child that doesn't understand the importance of manners. We live in a society where obesity is frowned upon and yet this show glorifies it. As a result of watching this fucking show you got people that don't understand if being an ill mannered porker is a good thing.

I say boycott this fucking show, boycott TLC and let's do away with the Honey Boo Boo deal. Someone please bring back good television, let's get Remote Control on the air again. Fuck you Honey Boo Boo, and your ugly mom too.

REMEMBER WHEN WRITERS ACTUALLY GAVE A SHIT

I was recently watching my Miami Vice DVD set and wondering what the hell happened to good television. When I was growing up writers actually tried hard to put out a good product. Yes, in the 80's and 90's there were a lot of shows that depended heavily on stale jokes and laugh tracks, but at least they tried. Today I switch channels thinking that TV is simply the prostitute you go to for the sweet release of death.

Right now there are a handful of shows that I give a crap about and I have to pay to watch them. When you think about how many channels there are on television, and what little quality is out there, it's impossible to believe the programming is so stale and crack whore like. I don't care for housewives, whores, celebrity self destruction, or anything on the air today.

Perhaps I am becoming old but at 34 I doubt that's the case. I think that I just can't stand the prostitution of the word reality and the constant lies made to look like regular life. I don't give a shit about pseudo celebrities that lack talent, I could care less about roundtables of nonsense, and I don't give a damn about Jessica Simpson. Someone please dust of the real writers and bring back quality programming please.

THE WISDOM OF AQUA TEEN

Did I get your attention with this one? Good. One of my favorite shows is Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The show is not really full of wisdom unless you are missing a significant portion of your common sense but it's no biggie because it's funny. A talking milkshake, a box of fries, and a wad of meat. The three live in New Jersey next to a hairy, crass and generally dirty man by the name of Carl. I think Meatwad is the coolest character and sometimes he  is the wisest.

While Frylock seems to have  a keen scientific mind and a great deal of common sense, Meatwad has a great deal of kindness in his meaty soul. Master Shake is like the asshole that you love to hate. I like the dynamic between Meatwad and Master Shake. Master Shake is like a bully that continually tortures Meatwad because he is jealous and yet he seems to spend more time with him.

I love the way the Aqua Teens have a symbiotic relationship with Carl. Carl needs the Aqua Teens and they need him. It seems like Carl and the Aqua Teens are destined to help one another through hard times of their own creation. Yes, I just crafted an entry about a show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim line up. I did this in order to prove that even the most insipid of shows has something behind it. Absolutely everything that requires outlandish creativity has something good behind it, remember that next time you watch some ridiculous reality TV series.

KARDASHIANS ARE LIKE A CANCER THAT WON'T GO AWAY

I am sure you are wondering why I am writing another Kardashian hate entry. The truth is that I am wondering that myself. Perhaps I am trying to start a grassroots boycott of America's favorite trash. The fact is that these people continue to get attention for being trash, they don't contribute anything worthwhile to society. Kim makes porno videos, shows her ass, and doesn't do anything that takes real talent. Bruce Jenner acts like the ridiculous has been he really is with his horribly mangled face and 1976 olympian haircut.

The latest Kardashian press disaster centers around the fat, tattooed moron known as Rob. Rob is a fucking idiot that has done nothing useful ever at any point during his life. Rob was charged with battery and theft after an altercation with a female paparazzi. How classy of Rob to steal camera equipment from a girl.

Seriously I wish everyone would take the blinders off and look for things that are useful to society. The Kardashians are like a damn cancer that just won't go away. Let's all get together and act as Kardashian chemotherapy so the disease may stop spreading.