THE COUNTDOWN..................

So this is my 473d blog entry which means that in 27 more entries I reach that magical mark, the number 500. I have yet to reach what I want in terms audience numbers and feedback, but that's what I love about the fact that I have this blog, I can take my time and keep plugging away. This was and will always remain  my preferred manner of expression. I want to keep writing because I love the idea of expressing myself without any filters, yes this is the countdown so I'll pretty much write about whatever tickles my fancy over the next few weeks. Enjoy and remember to SAY NO TO EBOLA AND PROP 43.5 J!

WHY COMPROMISE JUST ISN'T IN THE CARDS

I hate the word compromise sometimes, simply because it has a negative connotation with regards to character. I don't believe anyone should ever willingly compromise their beliefs for any reason. We all have our own constructs and right or wrong they make us who we are. We won't always win every battle and chances are that some ideas or thoughts may not be welcome but that's the price we pay for having free will. In closing I'd like to say EOBOLA IS BAD!

TRENDING TODAY IS...................

I'm not totally sure what's trending, ebola, marijuana, Batman vs Superman. I don't know but it all sounds interesting so take some of those topics and go ahead and start a conversation with the person next to you. Don't sully the interaction with political disagreements and religious strife, just have a conversation because  life is too short to keep your head up your ass.

GETTING BEHIND SOMETHING GOOD

To me campaigns in crowdfunding sites are a clear example of people going after their dreams, and being the kind of person that chases his dreams I like to get behind people whenever I can. While perusing my social media platform of choice (Facebook) I came across a bit of interesting news. Daresha Kyi, a friend, co worker, and mentor of mine started a campaign on indiegogo.com. Daresha is someone that I hold in high esteem because she really taught me a lot when we worked together on a major television show where she served as Story Producer. 

Curious and eager to help in any way I immediately went to the indiegogo site in order to learn more 

about her campaign. The campaign's purpose is to raise funds for her and her partner Kedar's baby known as TRU IMIJ ARTWORK. It was refreshing to see a campaign about something other than the next great flick. As I read on about the purpose of the campaign I began to realize that this was about more than just raising funds to create a viable business, it is about raising funds to help make the world better through the universal language of art. 

Rather than talk about it in my words I'd rather quote some of the words of Kedar, Daresha's partner and the talented artist whose work is the powerful engine behind this project. Kedar states that "As someone with a speech impediment who was unable to read until I was an adult (because no one knew what dyslexia was or how to treat it when I was a child), art has always helped me express my thoughts and dreams. Whenever words failed me, art saved me." Seeing that completely changed my outlook and took me from wanting to help a friend to wanting to help a far greater cause. I read on and noticed the following statement: "Once we're up and running, we intend to donate 15% of our profits to an established charity, such as charitywater.org which provides sustainable clean water and sanitation to people in developing countries. As our sales increase our goal is to eventually donate as much as 40% of our profits to various charities."

I knew this project was special and I knew that it was about more than just making money, but the making a difference part was cemented with the above statement about donating to various charities. We live in a society where we rarely think about benefitting others through our gifts, so this was something that I saw as both touching and admirable. I'm writing this entry in order to solicit support for this campaign.

I want to urge everyone that reads this to go to the indiegogo.com site and read the story behind TRU IMIJ ARTWORK. Support is anything from helping out with a small donation to sharing the campaign link on your social media. I want close by saying that it's campaigns like this, with the goal of helping others far more than ourselves, that ultimately give the greatest amount of satisfaction. 

DEAR BEN: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOUR OPINIONS ARE IRRELEVANT

Recently I saw the snippet of Ben Affleck debating vigorously with Bill Maher on Islam. Personally I was driven to madness by the clip, not because of what you may think. I don't have a personal opinion on Islam. I learned only broad topics that all led to a simple conclusion, the majority of muslims condemn the actions of the very driven extremist minority. What bothered me was the condescending, ignorant attitude of Ben Affleck and his vehement defense of Islam without any real facts to back himself up. It's okay to have an opinion but if you are going to attack people in an attempt to defend what you believe, at least have something solid to counter with. It's annoying to see celebrities with questionable intellectual depth really try and use that very notoriety in order to show the world that they know best. My advice to Ben is simple, focus on your nipple less Bat suit and stick to entertaining us.

IN MY OPINION

I don't give a fuck about this whole situation, why? Issues like famine, war, and environmental unrest come to mind. People please stop giving the chronically useless so much attention .

WHEN A MORON SURVIVES IN SPITE OF THE OBVIOUS

You have to seriously admire the moronic. I've come to the conclusion that people with that affliction are safe because they can do just about anything without worrying about injuries, emotional trauma, rules, regulations and so forth. If you are wondering whether or not this is some sort of dig and are offended by my language and approach, please feel free to talk to your own feces. This is me venting because the lack of common sense in some individuals is just incredible. No one is safe from this, let's face it we deal with it every day, on the roads, supermarket, work, just everywhere. When a moron survives it's actually almost inspiring because you wonder if that person knows something you do not, it's freaking crazy, some bullshit!

HOWARD........WHERE TO NEXT? ( SLIGHT SPOILER )

If you have seen Guardians of the Galaxy all the way you know that obscure icon Howard the Duck has made what seems like one off  appearance. What I enjoyed about that appearance was being reminded of that horrible attempt at a film that made me want investigate Howard's origins. Howard was a Marvel creation that was somewhat bastardized by the 1986 film. The cool thing about Howard is the fact that, according to his backstory, he is quite the badass. For the last 28 years I have wondered when Howard would come back, now he's back sort of. I wonder where Marvel will take him, if anywhere.   I hope that Disney doesn't decide to shit all over this foul like George Lucas did back in 86.'' We can only hope!

FUCK YOUR SELFIE DRAMA

I'm so amused at all the celebrities that complain about their naked selfies being leaked. Here's a thought, if you are going to complain about it then don't take it in the first place. The latest wave came around came because of Jennifer Lawrence's topless pics being leaked. It's okay if you want nude pics but don't complain when you get hacked. If you want your privacy respected make a polaroid and put it in your safe. We live in an age where hacking is a common and not so complicated practice, stop acting shocked and pretending not to like the attention that your stupidity gets you.

DO IT AT HOME NEXT TIME, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP

I'm all about love with your significant other but doing it in public to the point where people are complaining and having the cops called is a whole other issue. The Danielle Watts incident has been a huge news item because upon being approached by an officer she began to play the race card.

Fuck Danielle Watts and that bullshit move, a million times over. The fact is that minimally she was straddling her boyfriend in a car with the door opened. The police officer that arrived at the scene was within his right to ID her. As a minority myself I'm pretty pissed that she thought it was cool to say this was a race thing. At no point did the cop say anything about her being black, at least not in the recording. The fact is that had she given her ID chances are that they would have been given a simple warning and that's it.

Don't use the race card a fucking get out of jail free card, it doesn't work and it never will. It's bullshit moves like that which create racial unrest for no necessary reason.

ERAS SLOWLY GO

The recent death of Joan Rivers made me think about something that we rarely ever discuss, how eras really do disappear into the ether. I'm certain you are wondering what I mean with that statement and I can understand why. Joan Rivers to me was not just the plastic surgery loving, fashion policing, sometimes foulmouthed octogenarian that was simply tireless. Joan Rivers was a bridge to something else.

Joan Rivers was a bridge to an era where television was backed by a great deal of elegance. The term elegance here refers not only to fashion but also to humor, the way stars conducted themselves in public. Joan Rivers was the comedy superstar that appeared on Ed Sullivan, and would become a permanent guest host of the fabled Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Rivers would re invent herself with popular talk shows like her own daytime self titled program in the early 90's as well as Gossip, Gossip, Gossip which aired on USA.

Joan Rivers would also become a sort of fashion icon with her own line of stylish faux jewelry which she would sell on QVC for over 20 years. Joan is gone, the era of elegance is gone, but still there's the memories, and what great memories they are.

I CAN UNDERSTAND

For years after coming out of prison Mike Tyson was known as a lose cannon whose out of the ring antics were far more newsworthy than his fights. After retiring, following a couple of loses to below par opposition, Tyson continued his Sony Liston like descent into a life that would likely end early. Tyson seemed to change and after appearing in Hangover he began to get in shape, turn his life around and put himself on track for closure. In the past couple of years Tyson has focused on paying his debts, being a good father and husband and making amends for past hurts. This preamble is what brings me to the general substance of this entry.

Tyson has been trending like nobody's business because he called a Canadian host a piece of shit. People are starting to use words like crazy and what have you since the incident occurred. The incident occurred because Tyson's past conviction for rape was brought up in an interview that was supposed to serve the purpose of promoting Mike's one man show. Personally I can understand why Tyson said what he said, I don't think it was the best way to handle it but I can understand it.

The man interviewing Tyson was talking about the Toronto mayoral race and suddenly asked Tyson if he felt that being seen with a convicted rapist would hurt the Mayor, in light of recent controversies. Tyson snapped and rightfully so. Tyson has been a free man for nearly 20 years, he blew a fortune, lost a child and did not really end his career the way most people thought he would. Assuming that he really did rape Desiree Washington, Tyson has paid a karmic price for it and then some. I say assuming he raped Washington because to this day that particular conviction is questionable. I mean let's face it if someone invites you to a party at 2 am in his hotel room you should know it's usually a party of two. Desiree Washington has since run into legal issues of her own, some of which call into question her credibility. I wasn't there so I won't say Tyson is innocent, and I won't say he is guilty either.

I think that if a man is trying to serve as an example that even the worst behaving individual can turn himself around, he shouldn't be put in a position where he is labeled at this stage, especially during a fluff piece about a one man show which should not carry a political discussion. I wouldn't have done the same thing, I would have walked away but everyone's different, still, let's understand why he snapped before we start calling him crazy.

9/11

Some things you don't want to remember and some things you never can forget. September 11th, 2001 fits into the category of what can never be forgotten. I remember that day entirely too well. I was sitting in my car waiting for the traffic light to turn green. I was 22 and attending college; I remember I was switching stations trying to find a song that would satisfy my needs. Suddenly every station stopped in order to break the news that  the twin towers had been attacked, a plane crash, something awful.

I drove to my mother's house and I saw a building collapsing on the TV set. I was shocked when I saw another plane crash into the second tower. It no longer mattered if it was real time or a replay, this was something else. We were one nation under attack by extremism and cowardice. It was the end of feeling secure, and the beginning of understanding that we were now vulnerable. I remember that we all united as a singularly without political preferences.

The days that followed there was no democratic party, republican party, simply americans behind one leader. The word evildoers pretty much served as a universal description of our enemies. Today it's been 13 years since that day and we still live in fear of what may come next. We can never forget the people whose lives ended that day, the heroes that gave their life, their spirit, their emotion to the rescue efforts. We can't forget that day because as big a tragedy as it was it also showed an almost uniquely American trait, united courage. Never Forget!

MONEY IS A HELL OF A DRUG, ALMOST LIKE COCAINE AND OTHER POWERFUL DRUGS

Can you imagine a PSA with Ray Rice and his wife? I won't go into that simply because it's just borderline insensitive. I will say this, Mrs. Rice is seriously high on the money supply. After Ray Rice, as muscular a person as one can be, beat her senseless she married him. Ray lost his job and is on indefinite suspension and she says " Our life has been ruined." What the fuck is wrong here?

Since when did domestic violence and knocking your significant other unconscious become acceptable? I'm sure people will jump in and say she is a victim, she suffers from  Stockholm syndrome and other shit. Mrs Rice was a fiancé and as a result could have exposed him, and walked away, probably sued him for a good bit of cash. To stay and forgive the act is morally reprehensible on her part, it also shows little dignity. No woman should ever forgive something like that, at least in my view.

Perhaps I'm simplifying the whole thing but the point is he got what he deserved for doing what he did. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do, believe in, or look like, you don't have the right to treat anyone like that. If a woman is hitting you, walk the fuck away and call the cops if it's necessary.  At any rate it doesn't seem to matter, the world is a fucked up place anyway.  

WHAT'S GOING ON?

It's been a while since I was on here. I left simply because after a lengthy period of writing you get the feeling that the cycle the world moves in is too damn repetitive to matter. I thought about this for a while and realized that even a repetitive cycle is fun to write about in a few different ways. There are things out there from the hateful Justing Bieber, to Obama, to that stinking shit fucker Oscar " I killed my Hot Girl and Got Away with it" Pistorious. Let's see what I can really get into.

WHEN THE FRIEND YOU NEVER KNEW GOES AWAY

Some events in life you never expect, early death is usually one of those unexpected events. When a person facilitates their own death it just compounds the pain that much more. When I first read that Robin Williams had been found dead I simply dismissed it as a net hoax. I kept running into reputable sources that reported the same thing until I found myself accepting that he was dead.

The details behind his death were a shock to me but the fact that he was dead was the enormous shock that was impossible to reconcile. I wondered for a few hours why his death was having an effect on me. Robin Williams was human, a celebrity, but human and not necessarily immune to problems. I started really going back to when I first became aware of Robin Williams, the first thing I thought of was Popeye, his first lead role in 1980. The film Popeye was a visual feast although the story itself was not so captivating in real time. I thought some more and I arrived at Mork and Mindy. 

I was a huge fan of the show that made Robin Williams a star. I thought of Robin Williams as that alien that arrived on earth at the height of the disco craze and gave birth to a child that was in his 50's when he hatched from a giant egg. To me the show was an example of one man's sensational timing, frenetic energy, and amazing talent. Before I arrived at that trend of thought, I thought of Williams as a sort of friend.

When I was a kid I used to love watching Nick at Nite and my favorite show to watch was Mork and Mindy. Growing up I was sometimes a loner because I was shy and not originally from Florida. Mork was the kind of character that kids in that position could relate to. I understood the sensible side and celebrated that nonstop comedy. I watched the series many times over and always thought of that crazy spaceman as the friend that got me through some difficult growing pains. The spaceman is there but only in memory, we won't see him anymore.

I guess the best way to wrap this up by saying nanu nanu to our buddy. I hope that trip back to Ork is full of the wisdom, peace, laughter, patience, and lessons your brought to us. Good night friend I never knew, thanks for everything.

I SHOT A MAN IN RENO JUST TO WATCH HIM DIE..............SAID SOMEONE ELSE

Johnny cash sang that line about shooting a man in Reno, pretty awesome line. I think that line would be better if it was about shooting Justin Bieber in a testicle. Yes I went there and if you don't like it go to Reno so I can shoot you with a paintball, just to watch you scream like a bitch. I'm tired of shit on the news that isn't relevant to society's problems. Few people can talk intelligently about the economy while everyone can talk about that little shit buying hookers with big bundas in Brazil. Let's grow up people!

THE POPULARITY OF SOCCER/FUTBOL

Futbol, or Soccer as it's known here in the states, has become the glamour sport of the world. While back in the 1980's and early 90's celebrity players were limited to Europe and other parts of the world and the only international celebrity was Pele, today the sport has become something of a star factory. When Pele was signed to play for New York back in 1979, there was nothing really appealing to the public outside of the icon's star power.

Today you have stars that have transcended the sport and at the same time brought it into a new light. Guys like Ronaldo, Mesi, and a few others have become singular figures that exceed their own countries teams. Luis Suarez has become the Tyson of the game while some whole teams have become outstanding examples of the power that the sport seems to have to unite the masses.

Something about the 2014 World Cup has demonstrated that Futbol/Soccer has truly become the media darling. It's not uncommon to see a game on the tube in a bar just like it's not uncommon to see more and more people wearing their favorite jerseys. This is a sport that produces mind boggling numbers. Matches usually produce crowds of 60,000 + and the recent build in popularity has led to some serious investments stateside.

In the city of Orlando there is a 110 million dollar facility being put up to house the Orlando City Soccer Club. In turn Orlando City Soccer Club just acquired the services of Brazilian soccer star Kaka. The World Cup is an even and it brings people to stadiums, the game itself is making celebrities and adding a new dimension, interesting thing to see.

ARE WE TOO SENSITIVE?

It seems to me as though political correctness has gone beyond the necessary spot. The fact of the matter is we as a society have become frightened of speaking our minds, being taken out of context, and suddenly going through an unnecessary backlash. To be honest, I think it's bullshit that we live in constant fear of that. Let's be real for a minute, it's not correct to be judgmental or racist but to limit your vocabulary on the basis of how fearful you are that someone may be offended by words like nut, or semen is ridiculous. I say be intelligent in your positions, learn to properly back your arguments, and to hell with tepid talk.

THE PERSONIFICATION OF A DOUCHEBAG

D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G - Engaging in the act of douchery, assuming the attitude of a bag of douche, bagging the douche and getting a disgusting douche like smell that freaks out most everyone.

This fella in the picture is a tattoo "artist" and I use the term artist very loosely. The reason why I feel he is the personification of a douchebag is because he has a holier than thou attitude. I'm writing this entry in order to cleanse my soul of all the venom that lies within. Personally I'd like for this fucker to take a needle, shove it up his ass and tattoo himself right there. Why expose him? because I can! So never go get a tattoo from the punk bitch at Atomic Tattoo in Sao Paulo, or if you see him in Amsterdam or Portugal.

FUCK DR. OZ........HARD

I have no respect for Dr. Oz and I never will. I'm not a Dr. but I am the son of a Physician that was the very embodiment of the Hippocratic oath. As a child I remember my father looking upon diet foods and crash weight loss products in a less than favorable manner. This idiot recommends every available product that's willing to pay him a hefty fee for valuable real estate in his show. He was grilled on the floor of congress and basically engaged in self contradictory statements and made himself look like a fool. Fuck you Oz you are not the wizard you want people to think you are.

If you want advice go to a Doctor that's willing to tell you the good and the bad in several areas. Stay away from the Physician featured in  The Canterbury Tales.

CHRISTOPHER WALKEN FOR PRESIDENT

Yes I went there and I plan on buying real estate there too. I'm so sick about hearing about 2016, and every candidate interested in having a pissing contest for the grand prize of fucking the people. The truth is I've lost faith in people, the ones that call themselves leaders. If we were to go down the line and examine the words of politicians, we would get the blueprint of a lifelong popularity contest. Fuck them all!

I say let's have Christopher Walken run for President and be a different character each day in office. Let's make politics fun ( insert cliche here ).

WHAT I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING ABOUT.......TODAY

Chances are you are expecting some diatribe with facts and what have you, that's not happening. I'm giving you a top ten, make what you will and enjoy it.

1. Obama
2. Death
3. Kim Kardashian
4. Kanye West
5. Religious Wars
6. Iraq
7. The Economy 
8. Tulips
9. The OJ Trial
10. Hostage exchanges

Have a great Saturday!

X MEN, STILL GREAT AFTER 14 YEARS

I have to say that the X Men franchise simply continues to improve, enter X Men Days of Future Past. I'm not a fanboy and I really don't care to get into comic book history because, honestly, I'm sure I'll lose in terms of little obscure details. From what I saw this particular film stayed fairly true to source material, something that most films rarely ever do. I love the fact that the film itself tells a story that's well connected to previous films in the franchise.

This particular movie picks up where the last Wolverine installment left of and gives first class a lot more prominence. Sure the whole story is turned upside down and essentially the timeline established by the first X Men film is shaken to its core but it's okay because in the Marvel Universe X Men is the on title that takes heroes to a place unlike any other title.

X Men goes beyond the logical into the impossible, people with special abilities fighting for their existence and the salvation of mankind. There is still a powerful future for this franchise provided that they keep hitting the parts of the stories that really meant something as far as the books are concerned. Let's see what happens, hopefully Disney won't fingerbang this like they have so many other things.

SOME BAFFLING THINGS IN THIS WORLD

Sometimes I think I'm either to much of an idealist or just not meant for this world. When I think of everything that's happening now I wonder how much longer before civilization as a word and concept loses its meaning. Parents kill kids, pedophiles are on the lose, it seems like the things we craved such as equality and so on are simply reflections of wishes long unfulfilled. It's funny because for every horrid happening there's a cause that doesn't fit and twenty or so hypocrites looking to make a "change."

My writing about it may not necessarily do anything to change the reality we live in but at least it speaks to the fact the we can't fool ourselves, nor can we fool each other.

WHEN DID WE LOSE TRACK?

In this age of social media and veiled ignorance we seem to have lost track of what's important in society. The population knows more about worthless figures like Justin Bieber and Rihanna than they do about their forefathers. I know that there is such a thing as evolution but I'm fairly certain that evolution implies progress and not regression. You ask anyone a question about the current state of the economy and you'll get some stupid and unrelated answer.

The specter of pseudo intellect and feigned indifference has become a ruling force of sorts. I understand that politics much like religion are private matters but I'd say that matters that affect society are far more important than matters of celebrity. I really could care less if Rihanna wants to show her goods or if Justin Bieber is a racist punk. I guess my question is, how does any of that make us better?

SLEEP: THOU ART THE SLAG OF THE NUNNERY

Okay so the Shakespearian title is a bit of a stretch, but that's what I do. This entry is more about my inability to sleep lately. I think that sleep and the mind have a whorish connection to one another. The mind stretches in every imaginable way and sleep holds out without regard. I have to liken my situation to a horny teen on prom night, the myth is far greater than the actual achievement. Sleeping is necessary, kind of like getting laid and getting paid but somehow it doesn't really work that way.

5 THINGS I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT

You ever feel like you just don't give a shit anymore? I personally get that feeling quite often. I have decided to list the top five things I could care less or give a shit about in order to vent. In no particular order here they are:

1. V. Stiviano = Cheaters never win and cheap whores never prosper
2. Donald Sterling = Shut the fuck up dirty old man
3. David Letterman's Retirement = You will never be Carson so no one really cares
4. The LA Clippers = They are not the HEAT 
5. Kim K's Wedding = Wasn't invited so I could care less 

Those are five things or, rather, news creating individuals that I don't care for. Let's move on to something interesting please.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE 5 SECONDS MAKES

I'm not a conspiracy theorist which is why I won't whole heartedly commit to the ideas that aliens are out there. Having said that, I have been watching various documentaries about the Kennedy assassination and I keep thinking about how five seconds within that scope is an eternity. Let's take out the conspiracy theories for a second and look at the whole 5 second period.

In five seconds this is what happened:

1. One bullet goes through President Kennedy's neck and strikes Governor John Connally.
2. A bullet misses 
3. A third bullet kills the President. 

During those five seconds everyone in Dallas, in the parade route, went into pandemonium. The US as a whole froze and the direction the world seemed to be going in took a drastic turn. For nearly 50 years there have been theories of all sorts and the mystery remains. Still the idea of such a tiny spectre of time meaning so much is simply astonishing.

EVER WONDER ABOUT LIFE IN A MONASTERY?

Monks have been credited with innovations that have shaped everything from the study of genetics all the way to aviation principles. When you think of a monk you normally think of a person wearing a large robe seeking a form of lifelong spiritual enlightenment.

A monastery, as I imagine it, is a place of silence and introspection. I assume the monastery is a sort of fraternity that's dedicated to a singular noble purpose. I get the feeling though that human nature really surfaces. I mean all that silence, introspection, and thought must lead to curiosity. There have to be some questions surfacing at times.

I think life in a monastery really adds to the creative nature of a person. No type of vice, enlightenment, a clear head, it all really leads to creativity that goes beyond simple questioning and deep into examining the laws established by science, the very science that often challenges religion and dismisses spirituality. Yes, life in a monastery must be some kind of something.

RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE LIKE THE DEVIL'S JUICE

You may either laugh or hate me after reading this, but life isn't perfect so I'm not really concerned. I think that this current span or generation of time we are living in has really made relationships the devil's juice. I don't know if the devil exists or what kind of juice he drinks but relationship juice may be his preference, or hers.

Relationships are so damn complicated, no matter the situation there is always that friction. The man/woman dynamic is so complex in so many ways. The toothpaste has been squeezed the wrong way, there's some show you can't watch because the bitch host looks too good, the explosion is always literally a second away. I love being in a relationship but the truth is that relationships are hard work. Any little thing you say can, and often times will be used against you in the court of sex, public opinion, and the sewing circle/ book club circuit. So why do it?

I have taken the liberty to point out a few of the reasons why we get involved:

1. Companionship
2. Friendship 
3. The sex 
4. Sharing
5. Caring 

All of the mentioned points are valid but for each to be seen there has to be some sort of hellacious journey. I'm not saying this is the rule but it seems to occur often and it gives me that feeling of "okay. "

Perhaps things will change in the future but until then, devil's juice dammit!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

I love being a father, I love kids, and I have fond memories of my childhood and a few defining moments that helped shape a large portion of my behavior. When I was a kid I had a very basic and clear description of the "Don't go there regions." Im certain you are wondering what the hell a " Don't go there region" is, so by all means let me enlighten you. The following list covers some of the major "Don't go there regions" of my youth:

1. Stealing.
2. Raising my voice.
3. Interrupting others.
4. Fighting.
5. Disrespecting my elders.
6. Bullying.
7. Tantrums. 
8. Staying up late.

As I grew each region took on a new dimension but essentially the concept was the same. One thing that I did was test the regions, as it turns out my first test was successful in giving me a clear message that further testing would result in some manner of my own demise.  I will never forget it because it involved 3 regions at once as well as my favorite candy.

I was a five year old and extremely outgoing, I had what some would call a winning personality that captured the heart of many, partly because I was a master at engaging people in conversation. My mom and Step Dad took me to the supermarket after picking me up from school. This particular trip was a welcome change as it meant that I could play both sides against the middle and get a box of Jordan Almonds, my favorite candy. 

I attempted to work my plan when, in unison, my parents said " NO." I could see my hope evaporate, the taste of the sweet shell left as soon as it had arrived. In my young and semi- devious mind I was crushed as well as blinded by my ambition. The 1980's were a decade of greed and I was greedy for my candy. Naturally I did what came natural to a child that age and threw a tantrum, my mother squashed it with something I like to refer to as the eyebrow of death. I wrestled the almonds away from my step dad's hand and darted to the comfort of our car. I thought this was done and over seeing as how possession is nine tenths of the law. I was so mistaken as both my parents spanked me, took the almonds, and proceeded to punish me. 

Now I flash forward thirty years and think of some of the kids I see today. Parents are totally afraid to discipline their kids and the little fuckers know, and often take advantage of the situation. I'm not saying this is the majority of cases or even half but I swear it sickens me. Parents don't need to beat the shit out of their kids but some parameters and a spanking when necessary in order to assert authority works way better than a conversation. Spanking is not abuse, using a belt or going medieval is. What was done to our parents in the 50's and 60's helped spawn peace and love and that's great, but seriously. 

AN ODD COUPLE MADE IN COMEDY HEAVEN

I haven't really kept up with the news of Vladimir Putin's latest shenanigans, simply because I don't particularly care for him in any respect. When I saw a picture circulating of Putin next to Steven Seagal my curiosity was peaked. I glanced over the article where the "Star" called Putin a brother and so on. I realized then that Putin has a side gig, luring fat has been actors into Russia with promises of of doughnuts, cheese, and fine wine.

I think Putin believes that with warriors like Seagal and Gerard Depardieu he can make make the world think twice about his martial arts and governing abilities. Seagal is a Mob Hitman, CIA Operative, Martial Arts Guru, Action Star, Cop, Reality Star and Voodoo Priest. The implications here are that Putin can learn so very much from the jolly fat weapon of mass pollution, he may well be unstoppable.

Let's see how these two bangerz threaten the world, and yes that was a Miley reference.

BATHROOM ETIQUETTE.......BECAUSE IT'S REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY

If you are offended by restrooms, feces, urine, and toilet paper, this particular entry is not for you. Im writing not about the natural process of expelling waste from the body but about the required etiquette when doing so in public.

The public restroom was created for the purpose of helping individuals comfortably go about the day without a tight bladder, or for that matter a clogged sphincter. The public restroom and the latrine are noble servants of a worthy yet disgusting cause. I do often wonder why so many people fail to respect the public restroom and the crowd of respectful attendees.

I am referring to those moments in time when you walk into the stall and there is a ton of shit with toilet paper just begging to be flushed. You get that "flush me" bug in your ear but you won't because what you are looking at is some repugnant shit. I know it's not a pleasant image so strike it and think " What can I do to make it better? "

I have taken the liberty to answer that question with a list of proper bathroom behaviors that should be observed:

1) Flush, it's not a fucking science.
2) Don't use the whole roll, it's not a necessity.
3) If there is explosive content emanating, flush twice.
4) Don't pee on the seat, I mean who the hell does that?
5) Teach your kids the rules, shitting on the walls in order to spell your name is not cute.
6) Do not write Jamiroquai lyrics in poop, it's not a talent.
7) Don't skank up the sink.

Men, women, children, follow these damn rules, for the love of earth.

HELP OUT THESE GUYS

Rarely do you ever have an opportunity to help make something great happen. I can get on a crowd funding site and tell you to please give me money for my film but really, is a VHS tape of an old man farting a film? I want to tell you about a great film 28 Minute Epic.  Go check out its kickstarter at: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/827894937/28-minute-epic. Check out what these guys are about and donate something, even if it's just a few dollars, make something great happen for some great and highly talented guys!

JUSTIN BIEBER..........THIS WAS TOO EASY

I bet that every pre pubescent girl is screaming " No, it was baking powder and he was trying to deliver eggs" as it relates to Justin Bieber. I personally don't give a shit but the fallout is absolutely hilarious. Justin Bieber is a talented artist but a total douche. I think that he has a ways to go before he hits the necessary wall. I'm certain the next step is a crack filled, sex video with ball wrecker Miley Cyrus.