5 THINGS I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT

You ever feel like you just don't give a shit anymore? I personally get that feeling quite often. I have decided to list the top five things I could care less or give a shit about in order to vent. In no particular order here they are:

1. V. Stiviano = Cheaters never win and cheap whores never prosper
2. Donald Sterling = Shut the fuck up dirty old man
3. David Letterman's Retirement = You will never be Carson so no one really cares
4. The LA Clippers = They are not the HEAT 
5. Kim K's Wedding = Wasn't invited so I could care less 

Those are five things or, rather, news creating individuals that I don't care for. Let's move on to something interesting please.

KARDASHIANS ARE LIKE A CANCER THAT WON'T GO AWAY

I am sure you are wondering why I am writing another Kardashian hate entry. The truth is that I am wondering that myself. Perhaps I am trying to start a grassroots boycott of America's favorite trash. The fact is that these people continue to get attention for being trash, they don't contribute anything worthwhile to society. Kim makes porno videos, shows her ass, and doesn't do anything that takes real talent. Bruce Jenner acts like the ridiculous has been he really is with his horribly mangled face and 1976 olympian haircut.

The latest Kardashian press disaster centers around the fat, tattooed moron known as Rob. Rob is a fucking idiot that has done nothing useful ever at any point during his life. Rob was charged with battery and theft after an altercation with a female paparazzi. How classy of Rob to steal camera equipment from a girl.

Seriously I wish everyone would take the blinders off and look for things that are useful to society. The Kardashians are like a damn cancer that just won't go away. Let's all get together and act as Kardashian chemotherapy so the disease may stop spreading.

OH NO, KIM KARDASHIAN WILL CAUSE A WAR!

Kim Kardashian's recent visit to Bahrain caused an uproar and countless protests of all sorts. I am guessing that in Bahrain they don'tappreciate reality television. I guess I am having a hard time understanding the whole reasoning behind this. Is the protest because of her giagantic behind? I think the problem may be the store Millions of Milkshakes.

The truth is it's a ridiculous protest and while it came from hardline Islamic protesters it's still a clear waste of time. Kim Kardashian is not really a significant enough figure to merit this kind of attention. I see the scenario playing out in a manner that will affect the world landscape and it looks like this:

1. Millions of Milkshakes will likely become a strategic military stronghold.
2. Hardliners will take it over in order to express their distress.
3. Bruce Jenner will organize diplomatic talks with leaders of the opposing organization.
4. There will be a conflict needing the aid of the Seacrest/ Rob Rob alliance.
5. After 3 days there will a cease fire and finally the conflict will end.
6. * You can see all of this on the next episode of Kim International: Ass on the Hop.

The world really needs to evolve beyond a giagantic ass with little to no talent.

I JUST WANT TO CARRY YOUR BOOKS HOME

I want to take this particular opportunity to write about how romance seems to be a dying art. As I walked through a mall the other day I saw this one teenager with his girlfriend. The kid clearly thought he was some sort of rap star which was funny considering he made me think of Vanilla Ice in the Ninja Turtles movie. That having been said let me get to the point of this rant.

The kid was a vulgar point with no manners and no class whatsoever. What annoyed me was that the girl was equally ignorant and encouraged his boorish attitude. I wonder how exactly their interaction went. I can imagine it was something like:

BOY: Yo baby let's chill at the mall.

Girl: Like IDK  sure whatever!

BOY: Yo boo come on girl

Girl: My boyfriend like totally gets me you know.

The point is the kid was a jackass and he made me so angry I wanted to kick his ass. When I was younger and dating I had to work for a hello and really try everything from carrying a girls books to discreet hand holding at the regular places like the movies. While these were fifth grade tactics the fact that you no longer see them reminds you of societal decline in general. You have little kids talking about swag and how they want to be like Kim Kardashian instead of being individuals.

If all that kids are exposed to is overly rehearsed pop culture their ideas of relationships are going to be pathetic at best. This is why men no longer open the door for ladies. Wait there are no men just punks and morons. This is why there are no boys carrying girls books because they are too busy trying to be "players."

I think the problem lies with the idea that people need to be 100% free to explore from an early age. Yes I understand we all need to be individuals but if all you do is watch television and mimic garbage then you will pretty much end up like garbage.

 So how about it? Can I carry your books home?

HONEY BOO BOO BASHING VOLUME DEUX

Okay so today I found myself wanting to write and feeling empty in terms of material so I decided to go after my favorite target. At this point you are probably wondering who or what that would be and, you guessed it, I hate the Honey Boo Boo. Why do I hate this show so much? Why does this portly little tub of Southern homegrown biscuit butter just piss me off? These questions are questions that I have asked myself in a manner worthy of Darwinian examination. What I mean by this is that Honey Boo Boo makes a person weak with ignorance and herself manages to survive without being the fittest.

Let me start with how sick I am with the concept of dressing young girls like experienced, tax paying, Nevada hookers. I also have a profound distaste for the way that her family conducts itself. These humble backwoods banjo players really love the burping and armpit games. My next and quite logical question is: Why play burping bonanza in front of a kid whom you want to be the next Miss America? (insert snide comment here....PLEASE!). I love the fact that occasionally they subtitle the shows because these people have the worst English.

I don't like this little girl because she is an annoying version of piglet. If I was to liken her to something I would say she is bastard child of Ms. Piggy and one of the other pigs from the "Pigs in Outer Space" sketch in the old Muppet Show. I think that Honey Boo Boo is more than likely going to be like a regional version of the Kardashians. I think that Honey Boo Boo will more than likely marry a single A baseball player with very low self esteem and triple A dreams.

You go Honey Boo Boo and be the Southern Kardashian you were meant to be.

Why does anyone care?

I often wonder why some people create idols that don't really merit the attention. Every so called "A" lister that makes a living off reality television is given entirely too much credit. It seems to me that realistically we will give anyone attention provided they give us fodder. I think it's sick and stupid, I mean truthfully why do people talk about the curvy Kim Kardashian? I guess the answer is "we've seen her ass in action." So my question is does that make our society better?

There is a 10 million dollar wedding on television and everyone watches only to hear about the divorce 72 days later. Hooray for the institution of marriage looking like a meaningless marketing tool for the career of a talentless woman. As we watch and continue to talk about this meaningless crap kids are starving to death, women get beaten up by abusive men, women die of breast cancer because they can't afford the treatment. Hooray for spending 10 million dollars in some meaningless ceremony that did nothing to making the world a better place.

What really bothers me is the idea that this is the kind of thing that society is looking at but when the commercials featuring starving children comes on they change the channel because we have to check out the latest reality TV train wreck. Now everyone that claims to be a little more informed is looking at Herman Cain and the restaurant 69 policy he has been accused of (double entendre). I got news for the informed AIDS is still an issue, did you ever think about finding out how you can help quell that particular epidemic? I just thought i'd throw that out there. So why does anyone care? I think it's because there is this sick fascination with people of no substance. It's almost appealing to look at an AMTRAK wreck as it's taking place. It's sad but the good news is that society still has a chance and there's always a little hope no matter what the situation.