I CAN UNDERSTAND

For years after coming out of prison Mike Tyson was known as a lose cannon whose out of the ring antics were far more newsworthy than his fights. After retiring, following a couple of loses to below par opposition, Tyson continued his Sony Liston like descent into a life that would likely end early. Tyson seemed to change and after appearing in Hangover he began to get in shape, turn his life around and put himself on track for closure. In the past couple of years Tyson has focused on paying his debts, being a good father and husband and making amends for past hurts. This preamble is what brings me to the general substance of this entry.

Tyson has been trending like nobody's business because he called a Canadian host a piece of shit. People are starting to use words like crazy and what have you since the incident occurred. The incident occurred because Tyson's past conviction for rape was brought up in an interview that was supposed to serve the purpose of promoting Mike's one man show. Personally I can understand why Tyson said what he said, I don't think it was the best way to handle it but I can understand it.

The man interviewing Tyson was talking about the Toronto mayoral race and suddenly asked Tyson if he felt that being seen with a convicted rapist would hurt the Mayor, in light of recent controversies. Tyson snapped and rightfully so. Tyson has been a free man for nearly 20 years, he blew a fortune, lost a child and did not really end his career the way most people thought he would. Assuming that he really did rape Desiree Washington, Tyson has paid a karmic price for it and then some. I say assuming he raped Washington because to this day that particular conviction is questionable. I mean let's face it if someone invites you to a party at 2 am in his hotel room you should know it's usually a party of two. Desiree Washington has since run into legal issues of her own, some of which call into question her credibility. I wasn't there so I won't say Tyson is innocent, and I won't say he is guilty either.

I think that if a man is trying to serve as an example that even the worst behaving individual can turn himself around, he shouldn't be put in a position where he is labeled at this stage, especially during a fluff piece about a one man show which should not carry a political discussion. I wouldn't have done the same thing, I would have walked away but everyone's different, still, let's understand why he snapped before we start calling him crazy.

A NORTH AMERICAN UNION

I am sure everyone knows about the hypothetical union between the US, Mexico, and Canada. The union would be something similar to the EU and would yield a universal currency known as the Amero. This is something of a hot button issue that has had conspiracy theorists and anti- Bush individuals alike up in arms for a long time. Since the North American Union is hypothetical let's for a second look at what could be.

 The currency union happens and suddenly the peso is no longer worthless. The currency union happens and suddenly the US dollar is no more. I also imagine the implications of citizenship for Canadians and Mexicans alike. Mexicans would no longer face immigration issues because making a move would no longer be a life or death issue.  Those are all the pros, but what about the cons?

The cons are that I think given tensions over immigration and the enormous amount of ignorance in some portions of the US, it would create a major amount of discomfort. I think the reason why a North American Union would not work as effectively is simply because Mexico, the US, and Canada are three enormous countries with highly differing views on multiple issues. Ultimately the fact that so many people view power as something of a mysterious issue that is only understood by those that wield it, it would mean great civil unrest among three major nations.

I doubt that the North American Union will ever exist because honestly the geographical way of thinking is entirely too different in this part of the world. Still it's interesting to dig deeper into the concept and look at legitimately possible scenarios.

THE KNOW IT ALL

Ever find yourself dealing with a know it all? I find myself dealing with know it alls quite often and it never ceases to amaze me how people that know it all seem to have that shield against reality. I have multiple examples of know it all individuals and all of them have a deeply entertaining specialty that stands out in terms of their knowledge.

My first know it all is the know it all that cites statistics which have no real merit behind them. I love hearing how 37% of the time people that count to five will count to four twice because four plus four is equal to eight. I love it when statistics that make no sense whatsoever are applied to politics. A person who knows it all will say something like " 40% of the time a voter will vote for a better candidate because 20% of the time said voter will be unhappy with their previous choice." The statistics know it all usually has either a lisp or a horrible personality or both. A person citing statistics with no sense to them and putting them down as the law and rule of thumb is also usually incapable of achieving any sort of erection or sexual satisfaction. I understand that this happens at least 27% percent of the time all the time. As we move on through the journey we make our way to the know it all that specializes in history.

I have heard that Vietnam was an attempt by the US to hide aliens in the city of Da nang. I have heard that the moon landing was shot in a studio and I have heard compelling arguments made for Elvis Presley's current status as a secret CIA agent trying to rid the world of scum. I sit and listen to these theories because when a person states their case there is usually some sort of ridiculous and unproven fact that makes it impossible to walk away. The know it alls that try to talk about history will also say that it is "matter of fact" that while Eisenhower was in a toilet he contemplated a surprise attack on Canada in an attempt to corner the faux bacon market. Of course you cannot leave out the know it al that covers life in general.

The know it all that loves to act like he or she has a handle on zen philosophy is life's all purpose know it all. That know it all philosopher loves to throw out words like agnostic, pagan, vegan, syphilitic, atheist and so forth. What I love about this know it all is that they always have an answer to everything. You can ask this know it all about every subject from botox to douche bags and this person will always have an answer. The general know it all has a response to everything and is a self actualized human being. This person knows more than doctors, lawyers, plumbers, and architects. You can never get into a conversation with this person because you must listen to their wise words. I will now state my feelings with regards to know it all as a way to wrap up my little diatribe.

If you know it all you suffer from the following conditions:

1. Shit personality
2. Inferiority complex
3. Stupidity
4. Lack of social skills
5. Lack of interpersonal skills
6. Fishy taco
7. Erectile disfunction
8. Inability to spell
9. Inability to understand things when they are explained ad nauseam 
10. Bitterness
11. Jealousy

In the end know it alls will always be here in spite of their conditions and inability to see what ridiculous idiots they really are. I am thankful for the existence of know it alls because without them life would be dull and I would not be able to laugh with joy.

OH NO SELENA GOMEZ HAS STREP THROAT! PLEASE LET US SAVE HER AS THAT WILL SOLVE CURRENT WORLD CRISES.........

Everyone I need you to please do some kind of spiritual ritual to save our favorite Wizard of Waverly Place from the clutches of the deadly disease known as strep throat. Yes you heard right everyone the head Beiber Fever carrier is now deathly ill with her throat itching as millions of bacteria are killing her precious vocal chords. We need to save her as the fate of the whole world depends on it.

Sorry after further research it turns out strep throat does not really kill people and she is not really the important to the fate of the free world. I still say we form a hand holding movement to show this brave lite doodle how important she really is to all of us. Anyone with me? Bueller? Bueller?  I guess I don't have the backing.

Really these are the news that are trending today and everyone wonders why there is such a generational disconnect. When I was in middle school we were taught to discuss relevant current events and learn to back up our opinions with well researched facts. If a kid shows up with this current event today he is superstar correspondent today.

This is what's wrong people!