OH MY! DONALD TRUMP IS AN OLD WHORE

Okay so there is this whole "Dump Trump" movement going because let's face facts the guy is a serious asshole. While I understand how this guy may create some discomfort for people I have to say the movement is a sort of joke in my view. Today we are living in a society where controversy generates revenue and attention.

Donald Trump has fashioned his name into a brand and at the end of the day he understands how to sell himself, in a way he is an old experienced whore. People want the old days but sadly the progression of todays society points toward brash, nasty, foolish people to provide entertainment.

Trump is an asshole and the world knows that but they will tune in to hear what bullshit he has come up with. While Macy's may lose some tradition points with Trump they are not likely to lose attention. The Trump/Macy's marriage will continue because both of them get something out of it. The saddest thing here is that no one really understands that is movement is only enforcing Trump as a figure of substance rather than as an asshole not meritotious of the light of day.

LET'S BE STUPID

So there is a petition calling for Piers Morgan to be deported. The petition has gathered well over 30,000 signatures and it is quite possibly the stupidest movement against a single individual since Jesus was crucified. I am not actually comparing Piers Morgan to Jesus so settle down you sanctimonious nancy boys. This whole thing comes on the heels of Piers Morgan taking a strong stance in favor of gun control.

Okay if the morons signing this petition stop and look at what the lack of gun control laws is doing to this country they would not be signing this on the grounds of what they consider an attack on the second amendment. Okay yes we do have the right to bear arms but there is no spot that states anything about killing children and yet that happens every day in this country. Do the laws and freedoms also apply to those intending on comitting crimes?

Piers Morgan is using his platform to try and help a bad situation and because of 30,000 gun loving morons we are looking like an ignorant nation full of gun toting idiots. I also want to quote the second amendment for all the idiots out there "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." This means a militia not a single lunatic. If we can put a man on the moon we should be able to regulate how guns or weapons of any sort are distributed.

I understand accidents happen but you idiots Sandy Hook was not a fucking accident. I seriously abhor ignorance and how it seems to draw so much attention. I don't always agree with Piers Morgan and I find him a bit arrogant at times but this is one thing I agree with him on. I do believe we need to regulate the sale of arms to the public. If Piers Morgan is attacking the rights of Americans then who is protecting the rights of kids that get killed daily through incidents involving gun violence? Who is protecting the rights of innocent victims getting shot during robberies?

Seems like the backers of the second amendment only know how to read that part of the constitution because they are really ignorant to all other parts of it. I say keep Piers Morgan and throw out garbage like Ted Nugent.

PS. If you are offended by my views go fuck yourself as it is my right to express myself.

MIKE BUSEY, THE FAT KID PLOTTING EVIL

I remember as a child witnessing various incidents surrounding the fat assholekid that sat in a corner plotting something. Of course this always cracked me up as the kid always had a look on his face that said " I did no wrong." I am reminded of those days because of Mike Busey's mug shot.

Busey was arrested for selling alcohol during a house party in his home the "Sausage Castle." Busey took the time to pose like a Santa on meth. Frankly this makes me want to know what a Busey reunion would be like. I think that between the teeth, blonde hair, and desparate attention seeking behavior it would be amazing. I can see it now, sack racing, uncle Gary giving speeches about how the world will be better if we all eat tomatoes naked. I think Mike would steal the show reciting poetry with a gigantic naked man relieving himself next to him.

This guy is entertaining to me by virtue of the fact that he is so ridiculous. It's obvious there is no real talent behind this particular Busey AKA Mike Ward. I think the Sausage Castle is coming to an end almost as sad as its pathetic owner.

Hey Busey see if you can get a part time spot at Best Buy where they need more idiots like you.

HOW I SAVED THE WORLD FROM THE MAYAN DOOMSDAY

There was a prediction in the Mayan Calendar that the world would end in 12/21/2013. This prediction was laughed at by many as the Mayans were unable to avoid their own demise. The Mayan Calendar did actually get some predictions about wars and what not correctly. Alas I must confess that they were right about the end of the world but they did not count on the fact that I would know how to save the world and each of the world's inhabitants.

At around midnight on 12/21 I saw something odd in the sky. Upon further investigation I noticed it was a flying saucer. I kid you not loyal readers I saw a flying saucer. I decided to follow it and I witnessed it land, out of it stepped a couple of weird little men wearing Tommy Bahama shorts and shirts. I automatically decided to follow them as they walked speaking an odd and kind of squeaky language made up of clicks and what have you.

It was a cold and festive night in the streets of Amsterdam and as I tailed them I noticed they stepped into the red light district. I realized they thought that the world was run by prostitutes. I thought that in a way they were right because all politicians are prostitutes in some respect. The weird litle men continued to knock on the doors of hookers in order to have a leadership summit.

I tailed them right into a cafe designed for those that indulge in the consumption of vast quantities of cannabis. I realized this could be either dangerous or really good. I decided to go ahead and enter the cafe and ask the attendant to provide them with several large brownies and a couple of large special cigarettes. The little men consumed said items with voracious desire and seemed to lose a great deal of orientation. The men went back to knock on the red light window and meet with the "leader." I made sure they were provided for by paying a substantial amount of money to ensure myself enough time to check their ship.

I went to the ship and noticed some missiles designed to destroy planets and horrified tried to disarm them. I knew that I could make this happen since the instruction manual was in English, Dutch, French, Japanese, and some backwoods Patua so I was lucky. I disarmed the missiles which looked an awful lot like nerf missiles. I went back to the red light district to check on the little men.

In fron of the door I saw a puddle of alien remains and realized that the little men were deathly allergic to hooker juice and weed. I know that there is a distinct possibility that at least 40% of this story may well be a mental fabrication while 30% maybe conjecture and another 30% maybe a total lie. The point is I saved the world in some way my friends.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

OH SAM!

Sam Donaldson got pulled over for a DUI recently and it was kept under wraps for a while. I have to laugh a little because honestly I find Sam to be the most arrogant sack of crap in the history of news reporting. I am not sure if it's the toupee or if it's his demeanor but the guy is like an ass that you want to constantly kick.

I think newsmen like Sam have an inherent knack for coming off as arrogant because they criticize public figures but they themselves are filled with imperfections. The truth of the matter is that Sam Donaldson's overly argumentative nature as an anchor and contributor to several political programs as well as a White House correspondent make him the equivalent of a human fart.

I personally hope that this particular experience will make Sam consider taking off that horrible dead cat on top of his head.

CHEERS SAM!

LONELINESS OF BEING

I have always wondered if even people that claim to love being surrounded by others are really just trying to mask a feeling of intense loneliness. Each and every single one of us is an individual so it's fair to ask if deep down because of our individual natures we are all lonely to some extent. In my case it's easy to answer that because I have always felt alone and somewhat outside the sphere.

We are born alone and we die alone so it is fair to wonder if some of us are more affected by that moment of loneliness that brings us in or even the one that takes us out. Life can be so damn complicated and it seems like loneliness is one of those very unpleasant complications. We all face that moment in the mirror where we ask questions only we can answer. At the end of the day we are put in a position where we must learn to be by ourselves and for ourselves.

I guess we are all lonely and the difference between one lonely person and another is one may be able to use it as a source of strength as opposed to the greatest fountain of weakness. Loneliness is a fundamental part of the human condition and like everything else in life it's how we use that loneliness that makes a difference.

MY WISHES FOR TIM TEBOW

For the past three years Tim Tebow has served as more of a show pony than anything else. The quaterback has really been more of an anomaly as he is known more for his limited playing and core values than actual achievements. Everyone loves a little Tebow talk but it's not quite like Joe Montana talk or Terry Bradshaw talk. People would rather find out if he is still a pure soldier of the holy wars as opposed to a dirty devil. Given Tebow's current status with the Jets and given the idea that his short a lackluster career may soon be winding down to farm leagues such as the UFL I have ten wishes for Tebow to make his career last a little while longer.

1. Please do something insane like rent a limo full of hookers in order to get some attention for having an instinct.
2. Start a youtubeaccount where you condem both the Jets and the Broncos for not seeing you as the field prophet.
3. Come out on hte field one day with flour allover your nose screaming " I AM THE SECOND COMING."
4. Develop a nasty mean streak and foul the shit out of other players.
5. Next team you go to make sure to punch the coach in hte face and scream " I AM THE ALPHA MALE"
6. Show up on Kelly and Michael and challenge Michael Strahan to a dance off.
7. Facebook Tiki Barber's girfriend asking her if she wants to feel a little Tebow inside her.
8. Tell everyone that if The Beatles were bigger than God you are for sure bigger than The Beatles.
9. Tell your congregation you have decided to go Pagan.
10. Make sure that for every completion you scream "SERENITY NOW" to show everyone you are down with the trends even if said trends are from some 17 years ago.

That's right Tebow, be a rebel without a cause and clue and your career will be remebered as great comic relief for die hard sport fans that live pathetically through false idols.