IT'S A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

It's  morning on a Saturday and I'm feeling pretty good. I have made the decision to use today as a sort of journal day. The news are depressing, uninteresting and frankly they just piss me off. Why talk about reality television, murders, and politics when you can look out a window and catch a lovely view of the sun. I think politics were designed for conversation more than anything else, and I don't like to talk quite as much as I like to write. It's funny how sometimes life is so disappointing in terms of what you see in the mediums that you find yourself getting re-aqcuainted with nature and what have you. Perhaps today will be a day of discovery, and then again I will probably comeback and shoot bullets at everything I dislike.

THE ART OF THE NINJA SNEAKY BITCH

I have been fascinated by ninjas since I was young. To me there were always two types of ninjas, good ones and bad ones. I was thrilled every time I saw a ninja battle in television because it always had some sort of deep meaning behind it. In the 80's two things were hot and they were ninjas and cocaine. I am not sure about the later but hey cocaine was a staple of the Reagan era.

As I grew I began to understand more about ninja lore. A ninja was a mercenary that focused in unorthodox warfare. I guess it's fair to say that ninjas were not really driven by a moral compass so much as a sense of duty and accomplishing things at all costs. Now let's take part of that definition and apply it to a regular non-ninja type person also known as a sneaky person.

A sneaky individual is kind of like a ninja in the sense that you must expect the unexpected. Sure there is an ideal we formulate and yet the ideal is completely different from the actuality. So how does the average individual compare to a ninja ? This is an interesting conundrum that we can break down using common sense.

Let's say you invite someone into your home and they act like they are your best friend. You set the rules in order to avoid any misunderstanding. Let's lay out a top ten for the rules:

1. Don't eat my Doritos.
2. Flush the toilet twice after your poops.
3. Do not leave urine on the tile.
4. Do not create drama in my home. 
5. Do not have sex on the kitchen counter.
6. Do not mess with the cat.
7. Do not put pepper on my dog's genitals.
8. Don't you dare touch the pudding.
9. Do not friend my friends.
10. Do not talk about your foot fetish with the old lady in apt.# 13

So we have a top ten and somehow we want to believe our dear friend is an angel that will follow our rules because hey it's a friend. This assumption is where we fail to realize we are dealing with an artful ninja bitch. It matters not if this person is male or female. At the end of their stay your neighbor thinks you are a foot fetish type freak, your kitchen counter is pregnant, and the pudding has been fucked up beyond all recognition. The bottom line is that a ninja sneaky bitch can and will strike so you must be vigilant at all times. 

DO NOT FALL PREY!

OH MY! DONALD TRUMP IS AN OLD WHORE

Okay so there is this whole "Dump Trump" movement going because let's face facts the guy is a serious asshole. While I understand how this guy may create some discomfort for people I have to say the movement is a sort of joke in my view. Today we are living in a society where controversy generates revenue and attention.

Donald Trump has fashioned his name into a brand and at the end of the day he understands how to sell himself, in a way he is an old experienced whore. People want the old days but sadly the progression of todays society points toward brash, nasty, foolish people to provide entertainment.

Trump is an asshole and the world knows that but they will tune in to hear what bullshit he has come up with. While Macy's may lose some tradition points with Trump they are not likely to lose attention. The Trump/Macy's marriage will continue because both of them get something out of it. The saddest thing here is that no one really understands that is movement is only enforcing Trump as a figure of substance rather than as an asshole not meritotious of the light of day.

I SAW TATTOO

While many people are on a senseless quest to prove Elvis is alive and others are in an even more senseless quest to prove that Bigfoot exists I am out to prove that Tattoo is in fact still amongst the living. My quest began in 1983 with Tattoo's sudden vanishment from Fantasy Island. I knew then and there that foul play and shenanigans may well be afoot but I refused to go to the press with my suspicions.

I started by piecing together what I knew about the man. Tattoo was a major whore monger and loved to establish his tripod sex appeal everywhere from the island to Amsterdam. In some circles Tattoo was know as " El Toro Cojonudo" or " Bull with the Large Sack." I began an investigation that included questioning member of Forbidden Zone where Tattoo was once a king. Not even Huckleberry P. Jones could explain Tattoo's whereabouts.

I went on this quest for the legendary Tattoo until I arrived at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada where I was told that due to my lack of sleep I had Betty Davis Eyes. I did not understand the reference and became exasperated until a hooker by the name of Placenta Sweet explained that Tattoo had cashed some magic coins in order to travel to a place that existed a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Upon his return from fighting wars in the stars Tattoo cashed in his life insurance in order to start anew in a place where he could feel at home.

Tattoo went to his countrymen the smurfs and purchased several mushrooms to rent out as holiday and short stay homes but alas Gargamel fucked that up. Tattoo in an act of desperation had an orgy with Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Vanessa Williams and Grouchy. My search led me nowhere and not even multiple Sullen Twilights could change my jaded view of the world. I did however regain my optimism when one day I saw a figure enter a room in Amsterdam's Red Light District. The man exuded sexual charisma and a giant ego. I swore it was Tattoo as I saw him enter  I yelled " Boss, the plane the plane." The Tom Thumb figure told me to fuck mself in dutch and I smiled because I knew at last I saw Tattoo.

I search for this figure still today in order to thank him for showing the world that game comes from within. Thank you Tattoo your influence hit me like a cannoball!

ANGUS PLEASE THINK TWICE

I think it's great that people find their religion and decide that from that point forward they are going to do what is right for them. What I have a major problem with is when a tool without appeal decides he is going to become America's moral conscience. My reason for this statement is Angus T. Jones' sudden decision to shove his foot up the ass that feeds him.

Angus T. Jones is a lot like a cancerous cell, you know it's there and to some extent you tolerate it but you want it gone as soon as possible. Yes the title of the show he is a part of is Two and a Half Men but truthfully he was never really what made people tune in to the show. The real reason why that show was a massive hit was Charlie Sheen.

Just about everyone thought of Angus as that kind ridiculous add on that did not have a major purpose in the series. Somehow that ugly little porker became a large awkward piece of flesh that as of now takes home $8,000,000 per year and sits in some church couch saying the show is filth. The boy must have had four loco because he sounds like a dam idiot.

I wonder if the congregation Angus is a part of has requested a donation for the newest building or "temple of worship"? Hey idiot when your other testicle drops see if you can go from being the half man to the smart man.