HELP OUT THESE GUYS

Rarely do you ever have an opportunity to help make something great happen. I can get on a crowd funding site and tell you to please give me money for my film but really, is a VHS tape of an old man farting a film? I want to tell you about a great film 28 Minute Epic.  Go check out its kickstarter at: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/827894937/28-minute-epic. Check out what these guys are about and donate something, even if it's just a few dollars, make something great happen for some great and highly talented guys!

JUSTIN BIEBER..........THIS WAS TOO EASY

I bet that every pre pubescent girl is screaming " No, it was baking powder and he was trying to deliver eggs" as it relates to Justin Bieber. I personally don't give a shit but the fallout is absolutely hilarious. Justin Bieber is a talented artist but a total douche. I think that he has a ways to go before he hits the necessary wall. I'm certain the next step is a crack filled, sex video with ball wrecker Miley Cyrus.

SPACE CATS WILL MAKE YOU THE COOLEST EVER

Miley Cyrus has gotten a lot of criticism because she grew up and no one associates her with her Hannah Montana image anymore. Miley is highly sexual, overly suggestive and it seems like that overshadows her amazing voice. Miley managed to completely turn that around with her AMA performance, with space cats no less.

Miley came out looking hot in a cat two piece and began belting out her hit Wrecking Ball with a kitty in the background. The cat served as a backup singer and as he sang the wire graphics reminiscent of the original Star Wars video game would come out and the cat ended up doing the tongue thing and crying. I think this moment far outshines the time when her dad offered critics a quarter in order to call someone who cares after he won for some douche country song.

I won't ever really be a huge Miley fan but I gotta give her this one because it was one of those performances that's both perfect and insane in every imaginable way.

THE ART OF THE UNUSUAL NAME

Every country in the world has its popular names. Here in the states you have Matthew, James, Michael, and so on. There is a true art in making your kid's name something no one's ever heard and making it cool. Let's assume you have a boy and a German last name. How would you make the kids's name cool? Start by eliminating the obvious like Adolph, or Kaiser Wilhelm. So how do you narrow it down? 

• If it's a boy look for something that sounds almost macho movie star like.
• Avoid tech names.
• Do not use something that can be sexual like Ballerio which can be likened to ball licker in some way.

It's also important to look at the kid and assess his or her glaring physical features. Make sure if you have a hairy kid you don't name it Wolf or Thestral. It's good to not name the kid for at leas two or three weeks while planning the name. Think in the realm of the magical and then look at superheroes as well. It may be that you are into the goth, so you may want to look at some of the following sources: 

• Ancient Greek history.
• Scythian history, relating to ancient greece.
• Jordanes 

Picking a cool name is all going to depend on the research, your knowledge of the name and ultimately how comfortable you are with ramifications such as beat downs and harassment. Picking an unusual name is an art, don't fuck it up. 

JOHN KERRY, SECRETARY OF STATE AND SECRET SUPERHERO

You have to love John Kerry no matter what your political preference is. John Kerry is not an ordinary politician. When there is trouble on the floor of the United Nations Kerry turns into JK Man. JK man is strong like the Hulk, quick, not totally set on his positions like Superman, and in possession of a masculine square jaw. Kerry is not really going through despair in terms of negotiations for the end of Iran's nuclear program, he is simply letting think he is slightly desperate.

JK Man shall surface and use his super strength, Batman like deduction powers, Martian Manhunter Musculature, Green Lantern imagination, and Aquaman uselessness in order to try and craft a second failed bid for president in the year 2016. Iran shall be very surprised by the great JK Man and they shall end their program out of fear. The wrath of JK Man shall prevail!

SO TODAY I GOT OLD, BUT HELL WITH THAT

I woke up today and told my son " Don't forget to shave" and in that split second I came to the realization that my son was almost a fully grown man. The whole thing was a major shock to me. I use to take this kid to Universal Studios, rowing, I used to do things where I was the one teaching him lessons. As he woke me up so we could go to the admissions office at Full Sail University, I looked and saw a grown man.

I grew old, or grew up, today and so had my son. I witnessed as he spoke to the admissions rep and handled his own business. I saw my son go after his dream just like I taught him to. I was almost on the verge of tears as I remembered those days when he'd get on my shoulders and say " let's go daddy." Yes, I miss those days but damn it I cherish days like today, because I was there. I cherish today even if I got old.

THE SECRECY IS MIND BOGGLING

If you ever watched the TV show X Files chances are that your inner conspiracy theorist was indulged thoroughly. I have to wonder though if it's really that far off. I was watching a show on MILITARY television and I was blown away by the way government works down to the most minute detail. The first half of the show was dedicated to the Doomsday plane, existing for the purpose of saving the President and senior members of congress in case of a tragedy.

In a way yes it gives people a feeling of safety that in case of an eventual mass tragedy government can restore functions through other mediums. As the show went on it spoke of the top secret facility known as Mt Weather and it's basically the White House underground. The big issue is all the secrecy, yes I understand not a lot can be revealed but it does make you wonder how much exactly is being hidden.

We live in a secretive society where the big thing is " What they don't know won't hurt them." Secrecy is in some ways what supposedly guards democracy. Are the secrets limited though? Does knowing everything about everyone come in that package? I guess it's in the name of democracy, still it's mind boggling.