THE ART OF THE UNUSUAL NAME

Every country in the world has its popular names. Here in the states you have Matthew, James, Michael, and so on. There is a true art in making your kid's name something no one's ever heard and making it cool. Let's assume you have a boy and a German last name. How would you make the kids's name cool? Start by eliminating the obvious like Adolph, or Kaiser Wilhelm. So how do you narrow it down? 

• If it's a boy look for something that sounds almost macho movie star like.
• Avoid tech names.
• Do not use something that can be sexual like Ballerio which can be likened to ball licker in some way.

It's also important to look at the kid and assess his or her glaring physical features. Make sure if you have a hairy kid you don't name it Wolf or Thestral. It's good to not name the kid for at leas two or three weeks while planning the name. Think in the realm of the magical and then look at superheroes as well. It may be that you are into the goth, so you may want to look at some of the following sources: 

• Ancient Greek history.
• Scythian history, relating to ancient greece.
• Jordanes 

Picking a cool name is all going to depend on the research, your knowledge of the name and ultimately how comfortable you are with ramifications such as beat downs and harassment. Picking an unusual name is an art, don't fuck it up. 

I WILL SLAP A NUN IN THE MOUTH

Did my tittle get your attention? I'm glad to know that you are easily shocked. I would never hit a nun in the mouth but the thought did cross my mind once. If you are wondering why, it's because a bitch nun hit me once when I was in fifth grade. I have such a vivid memory from that day, I will never forget it, in a way it was my first experience with a dominant female. Okay I know that sounds weird so let me step back for a second.

The nun, who shall remain nameless, was a huge bitch and by huge I mean she looked to be well over six feet tall. I knew this nun was the biggest, baddest man in Santa Monica Academy, located in Puerto Rico. The bitch was crazy and angry, an angry nun is a dangerous nun.

This particular nun had a look of disgust that was so damn horrible. I remember one day I was running to class and felt the power of her nearly demonic gaze stop me in my tracks. I often wondered if this woman was raised by coyotes in the forrest after her mother placed her in a cage and threw her out the circus truck's bed. I realized that it was impossible for coyotes to have raised her because, as I understood it, there were no coyotes in Puerto Rico. This woman was a force of evil that had risen from the depths of the Vatican. I knew my theory was off because the Vatican is located in Rome and the woman was Puerto Rican. I felt that an impending confrontation with this testosterone powered penguin was inevitable. One day my worst fears became a horrid reality, a reality I would not soon forget.

The nun, or Sister Adalwulf as I refer to her, chose her spot correctly. I did not want to go to service one day and that bitch sought me out. I was quick and ran through the corridors of Santa Monica, I knew I could ill afford to be caught by her. I ran to my classroom and could hear her big manly feet slowly plodding toward my location, it was like hearing my doom come near.

I hid behind a desk but to no avail as my young, very hot, female teacher had to point me out. I saw the sadness in Ms. Martinez, her porcelain like skin quivered as she understood that this form of betrayal destroyed any possible future hot for teacher encounters. The devil had caught up to me and it looked to give me a serious ass whooping. The sister dragged me with her manly strength and hit me twice with a ruler and referred to me as a heretic that needed to be exorcised.

I later moved to Florida but I never forgot my cup of coffee with the flames of hell. I was later told that the bitch was still alive. I am not surprised she is still alive since she is only 58 which,by Geraldo's count, is the new 38. My point is, I hate that stinking sack of crap and if nothing else I hope that she is slapped by the, god bless her.