IS POLITICS ALWAYS AN APPLICABLE WORD?

By definition the word politics refers to the activities associated with governing a country or area. So when talking about law, policy, and practices it's okay to use the word politics. So why is the word politics used when in real time people go through situations where their back is stabbed, there is discord or major disagreement?

I think that people will use the word because it has a thoroughly negative connotation. I think that maybe over the years people have grown so disenchanted by elected leaders and the creation of laws and policy that unconsciously they use the word as a way to really express their disdain. Truthfully though when one refers to the politics of a business or group of people the word used is incorrect.

When discord and disagreements happen over differences of opinion on performance it does not mean politics, not by definition. I also think that assuming that a company or individual engage in politics because of their own rules is also inaccurate. Politics require a process of debating, lobbying, discussion, and approval where most companies usually have some sort of unanimous agreement on what they want their rules and manner of governance to be. In the end it's okay to use a word that is associated with discord but it's good to know that it really isn't the right word.

Perhaps a better word would be SHIT!

SO WHAT IF I PISSED ON YOUR COFFEE

I have often heard the question "Who pissed in your coffee?" asked to people that I know. I was asked this question very recently and I have to be honest I was somewhat puzzled and decided to research the matter of coffee and urine mixed together.

I did not actually urinate in anyone's cup of coffee because I think that would require phenomenal flow control and accuracy. I do not actually suffer prostate maladies of any sort but still urinating is like rain in many ways, the golden shower is impossible to predict. I did however decide to conduct a highly scientific experiment using the basic scientific method. I hypothesized that pissing in coffee would make anyone angry.

I decided that I would then see if telling a person that their coffee had been urinated upon. In order to accomplish this I decided to go ahead and make coffee with a little flour. I decided to then add a little lemon to it as well. I told my son to try it and the told him I urinated in it. My son was disgusted and looked at my with anger. I laughed and told him that I did not really urinate in his coffee.

I noted that result and realized that pissing in someone's coffee would in fact ruin their day. The lesson is please do not piss on someone's coffee.

WHEN SHIT GOES AWRY

This particular entry is more about when things seem to go left instead of right. I have always wondered why there seems to be a domino effect with regards to life. You wake up and it's raining, your socks are black and navy blue, you get wet when you leave and you come home to a leak, cat or dog urine, and the WiFi you paid for is working slower than dial up.

My way of dealing with things like that was basically to act like a total asshole. The truth of the matter is I was making myself and everyone so unhappy whenever I decided to complain about life being a total bitch/ ass. It's funny now that at one point I had the blood pressure of  gravely ill heart patient.

Life is difficult and it can annoy the essence away from your soul. I realized at a point in my life that should I continue to let things get to me I would expire like milk left out in the warm. I worked hard enough until I figured what the right answer was for me. I would recommend breathing and taking a step back with the knowledge that no matter the situation no two days are ever alike. It was my ability to breathe and examine that kept me alive and still does today.

RULES TO LIVE BY

I have a set of rules that I like to live by simply because they work as a compass for my days. I don't like to impose rules because they hinder individuality. I have compiled a list of rules that I use that help me a great deal.

My Rules to Live By

1. When in a Zoo stare at the meanest looking Gorilla and see if he will want to pick a fight.
2. Run a red light when no one is coming because it will make you feel like you broke the law and in some ways you did.
3. Make sure you have a crooked and toothy smile when looking at a person you don't know.
4. Always take the time to fling a bag of dog shit at the door of someone that has hurt you. That person will suffer just by smelling the shit.
5. Pretend to fart in an elevator in order to preserve personal space and dignity.
6. Never ever throw plates in the floor unless you are doing so in order to get attention.
7. Always make sure you tell people the truth about what you feel, it's the only way to be satisfied.

Don't follow these rules just take them as a friendly reminder that life is short and you need to create and follow your own rules.

THE REAL TRUMP CARD

I believe that Donald Trump had a far bigger secret that he in fact chose not to disclose in order to avoid a panic and that secret is the one about his hair, Groundhog Day, and the Mayan Calendar. The big cover up is something of a mystery rooted in Trump's Mayan ancestry.

Donald Trump had an ancestor known as "Gordo Cabron" that was a Mayan ruler back in the old calendar making days. Trump's ancestor created groundhog day and had a hand in the prediction for ending the world in 2012. The difference was that Trump's ancestor who sported a groovy comb over underneath his headdress felt that the scenario for the world ending was related to the groundhog and Trump meshing.

The theory is that if the groundhog sees his shadow and Trump sees the shadow of his bald head while prior to Groundhog day it would create a solar flair that would end the world as we know it. Trump wants to save the world but truthfully it's his head that may destroy it. Please people love the Donald he is frightened and needs support.

TOP 10 REASONS WHY EVEN AN ARDENT DEMOCRAT SHOULD NEVER HOPE FOR A JOE BIDEN PRESIDENCY

While the possibility of Joe Biden running for president seems remote and premature at best I have thought of a few reasons why Biden should never consider it. I like Biden I think he is the kind of person that would be useful in a bar fight. Biden has the essence of a regular guy that can get along just fine with just about anyone. I do feel that there is something inside his head that will burst should he ever chose to run and somehow win an election as President. In an effort to illustrate what I mean I have carefully crafted a top ten that will serve as food for thought.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY JOE BIDEN SHOULD NEVER BE PRESIDENT

1.  He will put together a cabinet comprised of retired and semi active MMA legends.
2. He will challenge Hugo Chavez to a cage match with the winner winning a supply of oil, spam and reese's pieces for a year in an effort t boost the economy of the winning country.
3. He is from Scranton which means he will fight anyone.
4. If any legislation he attempts to pass through congress is met with resistance he will take the responsible parties and grease them up and have them play naked twister in the middle of the Washington Monument until a winner emerges like in the days of Old Rome.
5. He will have the CIA capture and hide Donald Trump and without Donald we would not have the joy of prolonged stupidity from a press whore. 
6. He will propose a big personalized bomb called the Biden suppository to "shove up our enemy's asses." The bomb will use solar energy, Scranton steel and lot's of love.
7. He will more than likely have Ryan Seacrest produce a reality series called " US PIMP POTUS."
8. Biden will extend aid to Vatican City so they may finally create an elite army known as "Biden's Holy Rollers."
9. Biden's wife will become the replacement of Randy Jackson in the soon to be syndicated and promptly forgotten "American Idol."
10. Biden will likely attempt to get the Salahis to reconcile and celebrate the second wedding in the middle of a state dinner. 

I HATE LIARS

As a rule of thumb I hate dealing with incomplete truths because they never really help you get a full view of any situation. The problem is not incomplete truths but rather the people that tell them. To me an incomplete truth is really just a lie and the person telling it is a liar.

I hate liars because usually they are not intelligent enough to keep a cohesive story together. To be an effective liar you have to have a spectacular memory and even then you still slip at some point or another. I have a soft spot for liars because they are entertaining when they get caught. Most people that lie just don't know when to quit. I don't hate people but lying is a dirty and horrible little habit and those that partake in it may not be bad but the act kills everything around them.

Liars fail to understand that they undermine themselves in the process of trying to cover for their own stupidity. A person that lies habitually does not really clearly understand that ultimately ends up in a limbo area with little credibility and microscopic amounts of respect allotted to them out of pity and basic human charity.

The only liars that are effective in any way are politicians and a gross majority of religious figures. It's funny to me because both usually tend to lie for what they deem "the greater good." At any rate my advice is don't lie because it makes you look like a worthless amorphous mass. I also urge that lies be avoided so that hate can be less prominent.

Donald Trump SHUT THE FUCK UP

I used to like Donald Trump when I was a kid. For some reason his name on buildings was just cool and he was a definite pimp. I thought that his having attended NYMA was cool seeing as how my step father attended that school as well. I remember thinking that Trump Airlines was one of the coolest airlines operating in the late 80's and early 90's. I had the Trump board game as a kid  in 1989. So why do I hate his guts now?

I think it's a combination of his loud, brash and ridiculous demeanor and the fact that he will not stick to what he does best. I have to give Trump credit because like him or not he got himself out of a terrible financial crunch around 1992/1993. I will say he is a pretty admirable businessman who that took an existing fortune and turned it into a brand over a 35 year period. I still think that he needs to stick to that instead of trying to meddle in the country's affairs. 

Some people are born politicians but Trump is a born businessman/asshole/bully. Trump has no interest in the well being of others he only cares about his name being in the headlines. A day without any sort of press for this guy is like a day without oxygen. I am sure his big announcement is the whole birth certificate thing which is really just getting old. Give it up Trump, the White House will never be another resort or spa, Mar A Lago was more than enough.

The Honey Boo Boo Factor of the Election

Yes peeps I am going into this uncharted political hotbed known as the Honey Boo Boo factor. I realize that CNN won't touch it, Rupert Murdoch won't tap it, Fox won't spin it, and Reuters won't dream of writing it. I will take the risk though because this is vital to our forthcoming election.

There is a factor know as "The Honey Boo Boo Child" that will likely determine who gets elected come November. The three debates made a draw given the varying moods of the combatants so now it's up to America's champion, our favorite paint size porker Honey Boo Boo Child to settle this mess.

In the latest episode of Honey Boo Boo there was a great deal of confusion as to who would get the endorsement. The family went on Twitter, launched and Instagram campaign, and even downloaded sound bytes on the Myspace in order to request everyone pray that the child chose wisely. Of course the child had to consult her oracle otherwise known as the grocery man in order to make a decision that would benefit our country.

While on Jimmy Kimmel this wisest bovine chose Maraca Obama (her words) because Mitt Romney chose to endorse Snooky (insert political pun here). Today however there is a different tide based solely on  major political and economical reform factors. Honey Boo Boo must consider how her rise in cholesterol, blood pressure, and triglycerides will be treated with the current healthcare reform or plans for further reform under Romney. There is also a consideration in terms of planned parenthood and abortion as Honey Boo Boo Child's family encourages underage and irresponsible conception. Lastly there is one reform that will be key for Boo Boo to endorse.

Pageant reform to allow portly children a shot against kids that look like they are being trained as future hookers or pedophile bait. If more funding is allowed for jr. liposuction, tummy tucks, and purchases for insanely expensive and tacky dresses then all our little vapid kids will have a shot at being less substantial in terms of education, intelligence, and common sense. This reform will also permit mothers immunity from claims of abuse and vicarious living. There is also a 35% tax credit that will allow some kids plastic surgery vouchers.

Yes people our next four years are up to Honey Boo Boo and her announcement. Chances are you won't understand it as English does not seem to be their first language but it will mean something. Please remember that Honey Boo Boo loves you.

The Flatbread is the Metrosexual Quesadilla

Yes I am really going into this territory and you may ask why so here goes. I did not start partaking in flatbread until about seven years ago when I was the beneficiary of an accidental addition to my order at my local chapter of Crispers restaurant. I thought of the flatbread as a cracker with multiple chunks of goodness spread all over.

I looked at it for a second and harkened back to my first ever quesadilla experience. I have always been a loyal and devoted follower of the quesadilla. While I enjoyed my flatbread I began to look at it like people that drink Mr. Pibb look at Dr. Pepper. To Mr. Pibb drinkers Dr. Pepper is a pretentious soda with some sort of entitlement given it's educational superiority. I viewed this flatbread as a sort of asshole quesadilla.

The flatbread is neat and everything is presented in a manner that makes you think twice before eating it. The flatbread is also presented in a plate that compliments its shape and dimensions which are typically flat and rectangular. The quesadilla is a stark contrast to the neatness and inflexibility of the flatbread.

The quesadilla is chunky, large, and served in a round plate. The quesadilla is accompanied by sour cream, salsa, shredded lettuce and guacamole. When you eat a quesadilla you know you are eating something not meant to be seen and marveled at. I guess this particular differentiation does not represent a quandary for those that love food and will eat anything.

In order to better reconcile this situation I look at the flatbread as the metrosexual quesadilla. I understand they have different origins but food is food and in the end it all looks the same.

Fuck you Interviewer

So I am sure you are wondering why such a harsh tittle for a blog and if you will allow me the courtesy of a read I will gladly elaborate. I hate interviewers as a general rule of thumb because they are idiots. I know it sounds like a generalization but follow my logic on this.

In most job descriptions they say that you need to have a personality that needs to bleed from your teeth. Your smile has to be such that the person must by blinded by your teeth's mother of pearl finish. What I think is funny about this whole mess is that usually the person interviewing you has zero personality. When they ask you questions they don't even bother to make eye contact and top of that their questions are barely audible. I love the fact that the questions they ask are the same no matter the interview. I have decided to make a list in order to illustrate and it reads as follows:

1. Give me an example of a time in which you took a leadership role
2. Give me an example of a time you made a mistake and had to correct it
3. What is your biggest strength?
4. What is your biggest weakness?
5. What are your hobbies?
6. Who do you look up to the most?
7. What is your biggest accomplishment? 
8. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
9. Have you ever tipped a cow on its side? (Just checking to see if you are paying attention) 

I remember I was at an interview with the William Morris Agency and the guy interviewing me was looking down at his desk making hand motions likened to those of someone with a nervous condition. Never go into an interview with any sort of doubt or feeling of desperation. I recommend you go with head high and eyes level because chances are the idiot asking the questions is nothing more than an awkward simpleton with a tight rod up the ass. 

STARS IN DARK SKIES

One night after a righteous cocaine nose job a man stepped out into the dark. As the man looked around  he saw nothing but darkness. The only light that shined on his conscious mind and physical presence  was that light provided by the stars in the night sky. There was emptiness and silence, the man's mind was a kaleidoscope without color. The little bits and pieces in the man's mind that created the different forms and figures were in black and white with no areas forming any sort of illusions.

As the man walked he found himself getting closer to the stars. The man was not fully aware of reality so he could not tell if this was a hallucination. There was no noise in the background and the black sport coat and white shirt he wore could not shield him from the cold. As the man walked it seemed as if he were moving slowly up an escalator.

The stars shined brighter and became bigger and bigger as he went further and further up the celestial pathway. The famous lights were shinning and the man thought he was dead or close to it. The man was looking around and wondering if this was the end. As he looked around he became more and more confused. The man's skin wrinkled while keeping it's well tanned complexion. The man saw a drink materialize in his hand and started seeing mirrors form in the stars.

The man's hair turned grey right before him and he could see it. Each mirror seemed to illustrate something he could not see or feel. The images were still photographs of his own life as it slipped into the stars slowly. Suddenly without warning the man saw an explosion of light that appeared ready to engulf him. With great fear the man covered himself ready for the worst.

The man awoke in a field and saw himself surrounded by people looking in worst condition than him. The man saw fear, he saw panic and he saw a bright light. The man saw that explosion that had engulfed him and arose ready to walk on. The night had taken him into dark skies but the stars had given him a new life.