The Honey Boo Boo Factor of the Election

Yes peeps I am going into this uncharted political hotbed known as the Honey Boo Boo factor. I realize that CNN won't touch it, Rupert Murdoch won't tap it, Fox won't spin it, and Reuters won't dream of writing it. I will take the risk though because this is vital to our forthcoming election.

There is a factor know as "The Honey Boo Boo Child" that will likely determine who gets elected come November. The three debates made a draw given the varying moods of the combatants so now it's up to America's champion, our favorite paint size porker Honey Boo Boo Child to settle this mess.

In the latest episode of Honey Boo Boo there was a great deal of confusion as to who would get the endorsement. The family went on Twitter, launched and Instagram campaign, and even downloaded sound bytes on the Myspace in order to request everyone pray that the child chose wisely. Of course the child had to consult her oracle otherwise known as the grocery man in order to make a decision that would benefit our country.

While on Jimmy Kimmel this wisest bovine chose Maraca Obama (her words) because Mitt Romney chose to endorse Snooky (insert political pun here). Today however there is a different tide based solely on  major political and economical reform factors. Honey Boo Boo must consider how her rise in cholesterol, blood pressure, and triglycerides will be treated with the current healthcare reform or plans for further reform under Romney. There is also a consideration in terms of planned parenthood and abortion as Honey Boo Boo Child's family encourages underage and irresponsible conception. Lastly there is one reform that will be key for Boo Boo to endorse.

Pageant reform to allow portly children a shot against kids that look like they are being trained as future hookers or pedophile bait. If more funding is allowed for jr. liposuction, tummy tucks, and purchases for insanely expensive and tacky dresses then all our little vapid kids will have a shot at being less substantial in terms of education, intelligence, and common sense. This reform will also permit mothers immunity from claims of abuse and vicarious living. There is also a 35% tax credit that will allow some kids plastic surgery vouchers.

Yes people our next four years are up to Honey Boo Boo and her announcement. Chances are you won't understand it as English does not seem to be their first language but it will mean something. Please remember that Honey Boo Boo loves you.