MY PROBLEM WITH PAGEANTS

I have a serious problem with pageants and it centers around the mothers making their daughters look like young Washington wives and not allowing them the opportunity to be children. I was home watching TV and as I flipped channels I came upon TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras and I was shocked and appalled by what I saw.

The mothers were threatening their daughters with taking away privileges while saying that some of the other children were ugly. Did any of these "mothers" have a childhood? Were the mothers so ugly and insecure that they decided to go ahead and put a mortgage on the house so little Suzy could make them feel oh so special?

TLC is a joke of a network that is pathetic at best and this show proves it. I hate to see little girls exploited like this. I hate to see parents engage in this shameful practice, there was a father dressing like a freaking bear, what a loser. I hope this show gets cancelled and all those mothers get molested by a horny sasquatch.

THE PI: VOLUME 1

I was sitting in my office, drinking scotch and looking at a dirty magazine when she walked in. Her demeanor spoke volumes of her past. She had cankles a mile long, the sweat on the nape of her neck turned me on and made me remember my days as a trailer park manager. As she hobbled toward my desk she began to tell me her tale. Apparently someone had stolen a box of original twinkies, a rare kind, the Maltese twinkies. This was the case that would bring me back from the shadows and into a new light as the man I was once before. She wore a silk blouse with her gigantic sagging double D's stretching her bra. The white suit was spotty with stains of sweat and shame, a kind of of shame that was related to a long incestuous relationship with her uncle Earl the Pearl McCoy. This was the start of some kind of something.

SOMEONE PLEASE STOP THE NIGHTMARE

If you've been keeping up with me, you know I hate Honey Boo Boo. I think that show is a great example of everything that's wrong with society. You have an almost 300 lb. woman raising a hateful little pig of a child that doesn't understand the importance of manners. We live in a society where obesity is frowned upon and yet this show glorifies it. As a result of watching this fucking show you got people that don't understand if being an ill mannered porker is a good thing.

I say boycott this fucking show, boycott TLC and let's do away with the Honey Boo Boo deal. Someone please bring back good television, let's get Remote Control on the air again. Fuck you Honey Boo Boo, and your ugly mom too.