IF IT ISN'T IN PERSPECTIVE YET, LET'S TAKE IT THERE

I once heard a mind blowing stat that by the end of my high school years I would have watched close to 17,000 hours of television. To me that stat was a clear example that life was somewhat trivial. I thought " What the fuck man?" I was 17 when I heard this and honestly I had no clue.

What I have realizing  is that TV has an incredible amount of power, the power to change life as we know it and society as we see it. Let's put it into a serious perspective here. When FDR died it was a couple of days before the country was completely aware of that fact. When JFK was assassinated it was around in the same day.

Television the medium that gave us Watergate and the eventual fall of a president. Yes, today television gives us a lot of shit that's come around as the result of praise lavished upon the mediocre. Television began the quest of making the world a smaller place, social media has made it an art, but television started it. To put it in perspective, what was once an invention that served as a form of entertainment is today the tool that brought the world together.

It's television that gives us a little to talk about in the water cooler, something to argue about with politics, and the things that bring us together.

I SAW TATTOO

While many people are on a senseless quest to prove Elvis is alive and others are in an even more senseless quest to prove that Bigfoot exists I am out to prove that Tattoo is in fact still amongst the living. My quest began in 1983 with Tattoo's sudden vanishment from Fantasy Island. I knew then and there that foul play and shenanigans may well be afoot but I refused to go to the press with my suspicions.

I started by piecing together what I knew about the man. Tattoo was a major whore monger and loved to establish his tripod sex appeal everywhere from the island to Amsterdam. In some circles Tattoo was know as " El Toro Cojonudo" or " Bull with the Large Sack." I began an investigation that included questioning member of Forbidden Zone where Tattoo was once a king. Not even Huckleberry P. Jones could explain Tattoo's whereabouts.

I went on this quest for the legendary Tattoo until I arrived at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada where I was told that due to my lack of sleep I had Betty Davis Eyes. I did not understand the reference and became exasperated until a hooker by the name of Placenta Sweet explained that Tattoo had cashed some magic coins in order to travel to a place that existed a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Upon his return from fighting wars in the stars Tattoo cashed in his life insurance in order to start anew in a place where he could feel at home.

Tattoo went to his countrymen the smurfs and purchased several mushrooms to rent out as holiday and short stay homes but alas Gargamel fucked that up. Tattoo in an act of desperation had an orgy with Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Vanessa Williams and Grouchy. My search led me nowhere and not even multiple Sullen Twilights could change my jaded view of the world. I did however regain my optimism when one day I saw a figure enter a room in Amsterdam's Red Light District. The man exuded sexual charisma and a giant ego. I swore it was Tattoo as I saw him enter  I yelled " Boss, the plane the plane." The Tom Thumb figure told me to fuck mself in dutch and I smiled because I knew at last I saw Tattoo.

I search for this figure still today in order to thank him for showing the world that game comes from within. Thank you Tattoo your influence hit me like a cannoball!