I WILL SLAP A NUN IN THE MOUTH

Did my tittle get your attention? I'm glad to know that you are easily shocked. I would never hit a nun in the mouth but the thought did cross my mind once. If you are wondering why, it's because a bitch nun hit me once when I was in fifth grade. I have such a vivid memory from that day, I will never forget it, in a way it was my first experience with a dominant female. Okay I know that sounds weird so let me step back for a second.

The nun, who shall remain nameless, was a huge bitch and by huge I mean she looked to be well over six feet tall. I knew this nun was the biggest, baddest man in Santa Monica Academy, located in Puerto Rico. The bitch was crazy and angry, an angry nun is a dangerous nun.

This particular nun had a look of disgust that was so damn horrible. I remember one day I was running to class and felt the power of her nearly demonic gaze stop me in my tracks. I often wondered if this woman was raised by coyotes in the forrest after her mother placed her in a cage and threw her out the circus truck's bed. I realized that it was impossible for coyotes to have raised her because, as I understood it, there were no coyotes in Puerto Rico. This woman was a force of evil that had risen from the depths of the Vatican. I knew my theory was off because the Vatican is located in Rome and the woman was Puerto Rican. I felt that an impending confrontation with this testosterone powered penguin was inevitable. One day my worst fears became a horrid reality, a reality I would not soon forget.

The nun, or Sister Adalwulf as I refer to her, chose her spot correctly. I did not want to go to service one day and that bitch sought me out. I was quick and ran through the corridors of Santa Monica, I knew I could ill afford to be caught by her. I ran to my classroom and could hear her big manly feet slowly plodding toward my location, it was like hearing my doom come near.

I hid behind a desk but to no avail as my young, very hot, female teacher had to point me out. I saw the sadness in Ms. Martinez, her porcelain like skin quivered as she understood that this form of betrayal destroyed any possible future hot for teacher encounters. The devil had caught up to me and it looked to give me a serious ass whooping. The sister dragged me with her manly strength and hit me twice with a ruler and referred to me as a heretic that needed to be exorcised.

I later moved to Florida but I never forgot my cup of coffee with the flames of hell. I was later told that the bitch was still alive. I am not surprised she is still alive since she is only 58 which,by Geraldo's count, is the new 38. My point is, I hate that stinking sack of crap and if nothing else I hope that she is slapped by the, god bless her.

SOMEONE SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP

I like to think of myself as middle of the road in many aspects. I think that most of the time I try to employ common sense when formulating my views. There is the occasion when my feelings will overwhelm my senses and ultimately lead me to that feeling of "damn it" and so on. There is one particular person whose views always piss me off though, a fucking jackass by the name of Geraldo something or other. Let me give you the run down on Geraldo, in case you haven't heard of him, or harbored feelings of hatred for him.

Geraldo Rivera is a hit or miss reporter, talk show host, war correspondent that calls himself a conservative and yet has been a complete jackass for nearly forty years. This is a man that accuses people of racism consistently and yet he himself has been making an ass of himself talking about the Martin/ Zimmerman case as FOX's legal correspondent. I am not going out and saying that Rivera is a moron, I am simply stating he acts like one.

Personally I think this guy is a joke and half. This is a man that wanted the anchor chair in NBC and thought that the book "Exposing Myself" would not be a bad idea. I am hispanic but to be honest I don't see this loud mouth fucker as a credit to the race, if anything I see him as a self entitled faker with little to no credibility. Personally I don't think he knows what the hell he is. This fucker wants to be taken seriously but he tweets a picture of himself almost naked taking about how 70 is the new 50. In case you don't think that's a bit of a joke, please, remember Al Capone's vault. Yes people, Geraldo is the guy that made a huge deal about a vault that he felt had untold treasures and instead it led him to years in the trash talk circuit.

For years Geraldo Rivera has been making an ass of himself and honestly he is as sickening as the Kardashians. Let me say this, I propose Geraldo get on the Ryan Seacrest Productions bandwagon and develop something. I see it now, "Gearaldo does the San Fernando Valley" I don't care who is offended by this and I could give a shit what a potential Geraldo fan might say. The fact is that Geraldo needs to start taking some Metamucil and get the fuck off the air. Geraldo, you are no Cronkite, you are not even Eric Sevareid after all your "brave" trips to Iraq you can't even call yourself an equal to Donahue. Please Geraldo, shut the fuck up and take what little dignity you have and go home.