WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE PATIENT IN LIFE

I am a writer and that means I'm, by nature, awkward, moody, prone to anger, and sometimes arrogant  given my own feelings on life. My experience, my background, and my nature often times put me in a spot where it's difficult to see certain things. I may write a political entry, an entertainment entry, or an entry about life itself. What I write often depends on my mood, but chances are that as I go I will miss a thing or two. One thing that I learned while working on my MFA was to be patient.

As a writer I wanted perfection, the white elephant that does not exist, except for in fairy tales. I wanted so bad to write a perfect screenplay that some times I would drink myself blind with frustration. During a drunken attempt at perfection I decided to take a nap. When I woke up some twelve hours later I looked at my computer screen and I had one word on my screen, patience.

I realized that I was not happy because I was so impatient. I was reminded of all the conversations that I had with people not only in school but throughout my life. Everyone from my father, to my brothers, to everyone I ever met that succeeded, had real patience. Patience is that one virtue that you can always gain if you are willing to open your eyes for a quick second. There is something about patience that just  makes success and life in general, that much better.

Patience is not easy to come by and sometimes it's nearly impossible to get. I don't consider myself a fully patient individual yet but I am getting there. I am surrounded by people I don't always agree with, techniques I don't like, and views I want to wipe my ass with, but I am somehow able to bypass that and look at the long term. The word long frustrates everyone because it implies wait, suffering, and a lot of headaches that are impossible to handle.

In life nothing you do will ever be perfect, but learn to wait, learn to be patient and ultimately the payoff will come around.

KARMA, I GUESS

I am not an authority on spirituality, in fact I am far from a knowledgeable source on the topic. I do like karma a lot as far as spirituality is concerned. My reason for liking it is as simple as the definition of karma itself. Karma is that universal law that pretty much returns whatever you have given out, good or bad. To me karma is like a very real force that keeps you from being a total asshole. If you fuck up, or fuck someone up, karma takes care of it. I like the simplicity of knowing that I don't have to lift a finger for someone to pay for their shit behavior. I don't expect karma, I don't see it, it just happens on its own sooner or later. The whole point here is that you need to remember nothing in life is absolute, life is a cyclical proposition. Karma is life's spin cycle and if you mess up it will rock your ass in ways you never thought possible if you decide to act as a downdraft to others.

I'M IN A FUCKED UP STATE OF MIND

I heard something today that made me want to write this entry because while funny it's true. I was told that when I am in a fucked up state of mind I need to step back and think. I never quite thought about that before, and thoughtlessness is something I will address some other time. I asked myself: What is a fucked up state of mind?

I really can't answer that question but I can certainly speculate as to what a fucked up state of mind is. I think a fucked up state of mind is that endless moment where you don't want to face your own weakness and you don't want to admit that you are wrong. I guess it's fair to say that a fucked up state of mind is that period where your head feels like exploding because you don't want to let someone else win with reason.

I have been in a seriously fucked up state of mind more times than I should freely admit but the truth is that I am human and I need to own up to that. I think it's also a fucked up state of mind to think that you can't improve your own situation or pursue a dream or goal that calls out to you. In short a fucked up state of mind is something that provides absolutely nothing and I mean nothing good or positive to your life.

My advice is that when you find yourself in a fucked up state of mind you go ahead and switch to a New York state of mind.

LONELINESS OF BEING

I have always wondered if even people that claim to love being surrounded by others are really just trying to mask a feeling of intense loneliness. Each and every single one of us is an individual so it's fair to ask if deep down because of our individual natures we are all lonely to some extent. In my case it's easy to answer that because I have always felt alone and somewhat outside the sphere.

We are born alone and we die alone so it is fair to wonder if some of us are more affected by that moment of loneliness that brings us in or even the one that takes us out. Life can be so damn complicated and it seems like loneliness is one of those very unpleasant complications. We all face that moment in the mirror where we ask questions only we can answer. At the end of the day we are put in a position where we must learn to be by ourselves and for ourselves.

I guess we are all lonely and the difference between one lonely person and another is one may be able to use it as a source of strength as opposed to the greatest fountain of weakness. Loneliness is a fundamental part of the human condition and like everything else in life it's how we use that loneliness that makes a difference.

IMAGINE 2013

John Lennon sang about no hell below us and above us only sky in the timeless Imagine. I think John was on to something. Today we rely on too much religion, too much war, too much freedom, but realy what do we have from it? I think that is a rhetorical question with an obvious answer.

Perhaps I am developing late Woodstock reflux and I am ready to break out the daisies with some colorful shirts and bubbles. I think though that I am more a broken spirit wondering why so many people have to die without any dam sense whatsoever. We fight wars for years that only hurt the lives of those noble enough to make the sacrifice for self and country. Here at home we fail to fight the wars that would avoid tragedies like the one in Sandy Hook Elementary.

Imagine if in 2013 religious figures stuck to just spreading the word for their respective religions and quit the bullshit and sanctimonious pandering they seem to be so good at. I wonder if it's possible to imagine a 2013 without war and mass death. I guess we are all so jaded that it's impossible to imagine this but just for a minute to see it like that makes the world good again.

WHEN 20 THINGS HAPPEN

Life is a lot like a set of dominoes in the sense that any way you stack them when one moves the rest will fall in perfect synchronicity. In the end the pile is either straight or all over the place but the fact is that you never really know what the significance is. I personally love stacking Dominoes becasue based on my mood the fall may reflect what the day will be like.

I know this sounds crazy but the truth is that when one thing happens it leads to another and another and finally another. The end result is twenty things have happened and you don't know where the hell to go. I think in some ways life is like a monolith for every individual. It's almost like destiny is the series of weird 2001: A Space Odyssey monkey men trying to knock us over to see what we do.

I guess count what happens to you in life in the span of a day. Once you are done counting examine everything and see what the end result is. You will realize that when 20 things happen you are a domino and your own will is what's going to determine how gracefully you stand and how badly you will fall.

THE FALSE NATURE OF REALITY

I am sure you are looking for a significant picture of some sort but frankly this entry does not call for it. I was also feeling in an odd mood so I went to the fishbowl. In the kind of world we are living in we love to emphasize the concept of reality but I wonder if any of us really know what it is.

Reality defined correctly is somehting that did, or will more than likely take place at some point in some specific way. We cannot dictate reality, change it once it has happened and on top of that we cannot mask it to reveal what we wish. So then  why does reality have a false nature? Reality is one of those things that we love to try to mask because sometimes it's too fucking complicated.

I am a person that has suffered from that very syndrome of just wondering how I can make a situation from what it is to what I wish. I have realized that wanting things acertain way and actually having them that way are two wholly different things. In truth the world is too complicated for everything to align correctly.There are times when we "make it happen" but the truth of the matter is that those are few and far in between.

When we make those choices that we think are the right ones it turns out that we really are just doing one more thing that we are not truly sure of. It does not matter what we think or how strongly we feel because the truth and reality of one situation do not  really ever match the actual truth and reality we are faced with.