NAPOLEON BATTLES TONY MONTANA: THE COKE HEAD BONANZA

I have heard it said that Napoleon was a coke head. While I don't think  shall ever get any real confirmation on that, it would not surprise me. Napoleon was like Tony Montana, crazy for power and full hubris. Something tells me that Napoleon was the kind of guy that would grease himself up after coking himself up, and attack some house girl. I know this sounds far fetched but if the vatican has been know to have the hidden orgy here and there, why not? Napoleon looked like a little sex freak anyway.

I can imagine a talk between Napoleon and Tony Montana, it would be something like this:

TM: Hey man, you listen to me you little fucking cucaracha

NB: La merde

TM: I got the yayo you mother fucker

NB: Je suis le grande fromage

TM: We do it my way now you little maricon de mierda shit

NB: Je ne parle pas la merde

TM: I fuck you up Im Tony Montana fucking chata

NB: Je aime les vagin et les pénis

TM: I kill you, you want war mother fucker

NB: Je suis un grand cocaïnomane bisexuels

I am sure the end result would be a fabulous scene that would mix Waterloo with the final battle of Tony Montana up in Coconut Grove. I don't find Napoleon so fascinating simply because he was stupid enough to fight beyond his prime. If Napoleon were alive today he would probably be a member of the tea party. It's great to mix fiction along with historical inaccuracy because it provides a lot of material, perhaps I'll write a story about Napoleon in present time.

LAUGHTER

I never really stopped to realize that laughter is actually powerful enough to enrich a person's life. As a child my life was pretty rich with laughter that came from fairly simple sources. I used to love watching Looney Tunes every Saturday and Sunday morning and Different Strokes during the week. Those brief minutes of laughter made me feel overjoyed. I had periods when listening to laughter or being the reason for it also made me feel like life was a pretty awesome proposition.

As I grew older laughter became an academic reaction of sorts, like a twitch. I stopped valuing laughter because I slowly realized that laughter can be lined with evil, sarcasm, sadness, frustration and madness. I went from a simplistic child's view to the jaded view of an adult whose life was full of ups and downs. I never realized that those moments of happiness came from allowing myself the chance to laugh freely and without worry.

It took me a while but then as I started to once again watch black and white television I came to the realization that a good laugh can go as far as restoring a period of self confidence that you can lose during the day. It was incredible to think that by laughing at something fairly clean and simple I could actually turn my days around. We take laughter for granted and even call it a waste of time but what we are really saying is that we have forgotten to be free and comfortable during times that call for relaxation and levity. Next time you want to control your laughter think little and let go. Life is too short for us to stay straight faced and unhappy on a consistent basis.

THE FAUX PHILOSOPHER

I love people that call themselves philosophers because they profess to have a vast knowledge of everything. I seem to run into people that love to just spew knowledge like sewage and venom. I really enjoy hearing how the sky is not really blue but rather a reflection of our thoughts. It seems like the less you look the more likely you are to find a self appointed philosopher ready to give you some sort gem about life.

My favorite kind of philosopher is the peace, love, and understanding philosopher. This is the kind of person that will write and speak in redundant fashion without realizing it. You hear statements about brotherhood and staying strong and it's usually one load of shit coupled with another load to make a super load. I really enjoy the part about how peace is found from within rather than through outside sources. I have read the thing about peace from within since I could read so every time someone puts it on their Facebook I have to laugh a little bit. Of course the peace, love, and brotherhood person is not
the only philosopher I know.

There is a philosopher that I love to listen to and that is the religious philosopher. There is something special about this type of philosopher that makes me smile. The religious philosopher is stern and stands by his or her nonsensical type principles that really make you examine absolutely nothing at all. I hear words about the existence of a cadre of spiritual unrelated figures and so on and so forth. The religious philosopher will always have a chip on the shoulder because what he or she says not only makes little sense but also it  doesn't have a strong merit base. Philosophers love to share every bit of knowledge that they can and they come in all shapes, sizes and disciplines.

In the end these "philosophers" are nothing more self righteous and insecure morons without any depth whatsoever. I will always enjoy reading the pearls of wisdom from faux philosophers because I need some entertainment to keep myself relaxed and amused.