Crazy thoughts about life in general from my own amazingly insightful point of view.
Showing posts with label Hostess Twinkies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hostess Twinkies. Show all posts
Thursday, August 8, 2013
THE PI: VOLUME 1
I was sitting in my office, drinking scotch and looking at a dirty magazine when she walked in. Her demeanor spoke volumes of her past. She had cankles a mile long, the sweat on the nape of her neck turned me on and made me remember my days as a trailer park manager. As she hobbled toward my desk she began to tell me her tale. Apparently someone had stolen a box of original twinkies, a rare kind, the Maltese twinkies. This was the case that would bring me back from the shadows and into a new light as the man I was once before. She wore a silk blouse with her gigantic sagging double D's stretching her bra. The white suit was spotty with stains of sweat and shame, a kind of of shame that was related to a long incestuous relationship with her uncle Earl the Pearl McCoy. This was the start of some kind of something.
Monday, July 29, 2013
TWINKIES WILL KILL YOU
I am not writing this in order to give you a health update. Twinkies are a fucking killer, as I craved something while writing I decided to make a play for the twinkie. I opened the fucking thing and thought "Yes" the twinkie was mine. I felt like I would enjoy the little creme filled bastard within minutes. I thought my life was full and complete with this twinkie.
This is the point where the story gets real, the twinkie attempted to take revenge for the deaths of its twinkie brethren. I was slowly eating the twinkie when suddenly I began to choke. I panicked and reached for the water. I did not find the water and began to lose my balance and sight. I started coughing.
I decided to close my eyes and lower my head. As I coughed I decided to open up the fridge and reach for a water bottle. I got the bottle, opened it up and took a drink, I was still alive. This was something of a scary situation until my son made the back pounding safe. I decided to spare the twinkie and go on. I am still alive and I suggest if you want to keep that status as well, stay off the twinkie, because it will kill you.
Labels:
America,
Americana,
Bottled Water,
death,
Diet,
Fat,
Hostess,
Hostess Twinkies,
Junk Food,
Life,
Twinkies,
Water
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)