REMEMBER THOSE SHOWS?

I used to cherish the moments spent with family watching television shows. For some reason I don't quite understand my favorite shows usually revolved around unlikely hero figures. In my list of favorite shows were the following:

• JJ Starbuck 
• The Master
• Father Murphy
• Automan 

What these shows have in common is the fact that they were short lived series for the most part. JJ Starbuck was a vehicle for the aging Dale Robertson. The show was about an eccentric billionaire trying to solve crimes that were meticulously committed. Even with some good guest stars the show itself only had a single season run spanning a total of 13 episodes. The Master was similar to JJ in that the main character was an aging badass. 

Lee Van Cleef was the star of The Master, which was contemporary to the popular A Team. The premise of the series was an old ninja master (Van Cleef was 58) that gets into super cool ninja adventures with his young protege, Max. I found the fact that an old California guy would be a ninja master simply fascinating. 

I thought the best part of The Master was Van Cleef himself. My step dad would tell me about Van Cleef's work in westerns so I felt like I knew the guy. There's Father Murphy, a Michael Landon production that only ran a couple of seasons starring Merlin Olsen as the tittle character. 

I liked Father Murphy because it really tried to teach people about values while applying a historical context. The show centered on giving orphaned children some protection while prospecting in the old west. The show was slow in terms of pace and it wasn't much for action but it was interesting to look at. In part Father Murphy was the end of an era, as its cancellation, along with Little House in the Prairie signaled the end of western themed series on television. 

Yes, Father Murphy was good but the best, in my young eyes, was Automan. 

The series Automan was particularly high on camp but incredibly ambitious for its time. The series also ran during the 1983-84 season and aired 12 episodes. The series was about a nerdy computer whiz by the name of Walter Nebicher that creates a hologram able to leave the computer and fight crime. The thing that made the show great was not the stories so much as the visual appeal. The show took a lot of its visuals from the film Tron. The car was a souped up Lamborghini Countach, conditioned to look like a futuristic car. The series was produced by Glenn Larson, whom at that time was on a major hot streak with shows such as Fall Guy. 

That time was a time when shows were being cranked out in order to really entertain people. Since that point we've really lost that in television. Right now television is a bastion for imbeciles whose poor choices make them reality stars. Perhaps there will be a return to the glory days, when the audience actually mattered to some extent. 

THE ART OF THE NINJA SNEAKY BITCH

I have been fascinated by ninjas since I was young. To me there were always two types of ninjas, good ones and bad ones. I was thrilled every time I saw a ninja battle in television because it always had some sort of deep meaning behind it. In the 80's two things were hot and they were ninjas and cocaine. I am not sure about the later but hey cocaine was a staple of the Reagan era.

As I grew I began to understand more about ninja lore. A ninja was a mercenary that focused in unorthodox warfare. I guess it's fair to say that ninjas were not really driven by a moral compass so much as a sense of duty and accomplishing things at all costs. Now let's take part of that definition and apply it to a regular non-ninja type person also known as a sneaky person.

A sneaky individual is kind of like a ninja in the sense that you must expect the unexpected. Sure there is an ideal we formulate and yet the ideal is completely different from the actuality. So how does the average individual compare to a ninja ? This is an interesting conundrum that we can break down using common sense.

Let's say you invite someone into your home and they act like they are your best friend. You set the rules in order to avoid any misunderstanding. Let's lay out a top ten for the rules:

1. Don't eat my Doritos.
2. Flush the toilet twice after your poops.
3. Do not leave urine on the tile.
4. Do not create drama in my home. 
5. Do not have sex on the kitchen counter.
6. Do not mess with the cat.
7. Do not put pepper on my dog's genitals.
8. Don't you dare touch the pudding.
9. Do not friend my friends.
10. Do not talk about your foot fetish with the old lady in apt.# 13

So we have a top ten and somehow we want to believe our dear friend is an angel that will follow our rules because hey it's a friend. This assumption is where we fail to realize we are dealing with an artful ninja bitch. It matters not if this person is male or female. At the end of their stay your neighbor thinks you are a foot fetish type freak, your kitchen counter is pregnant, and the pudding has been fucked up beyond all recognition. The bottom line is that a ninja sneaky bitch can and will strike so you must be vigilant at all times. 

DO NOT FALL PREY!