IF YOU CAN SELF PROMOTE YOU ARE OKAY

I love the term shameless self promoter because it's kind of a contradiction. When a person says you are shameless they almost mean it in a derogatory manner. I am shameless but it's because I have nothing to be ashamed of. The fact is that when you are starting out no one will promote you so you have to do it yourself. If you are a writer this means multiple things outside of putting pen to paper on a daily basis.

Oh my blog! let's all get on the blog train to blog city. When you are a writer looking to get attention it's a great idea to go ahead and start a blog with opinions on relevant topics. The more outrageous your view the more attention you can draw to yourself. It's not about shocking people so much as it is about getting a little attention from different places. Of course there is a secondary option outside of blog city and that is self publishing.

The chances of you writing a best seller without any proper backing are very rare but if you have that little book to demonstrate what you can do as well as that sense of esthetics that's ever so important you definitely have an opportunity to draw some much needed attention to yourself. The point is to make yourself as visible as possible in order to show potential backers who you are and what you can do.

Always remember that no one ever paid attention to a person with little to say.

YOU EVER GET THAT SHITTY FEELING?

You ever get that shitty feeling in the morning? Instead of Batman you feel like Robin. I cant quite explain it other than saying it's one of those things that makes your day almost impossible. In my case those days are few and far in between but when they happen it's like one series of events that just won't end, let's take a walk through those types of days.

You wake up and your back is screaming bloody murder. After you wake up you walk to the kitchen to realize that your orange juice is gone and then on top of that your eggs are not up to par and there is only one slice of bacon left making it impossible to have a solid breakfast. Once the breakfast is over you climb in the shower only to realize there is no warm water left and then you find out that you have 20,000 things to do that were not on the agenda.

Those days are Murphy's Law type days that seem to have a profound effect on a person's life and yet they are funny as hell when seen in hindsight. Holy blank cartridge Batman! I am literally experiencing ED. Okay maybe that's taking it too far but I think you get my point.

THE KNOW IT ALL

Ever find yourself dealing with a know it all? I find myself dealing with know it alls quite often and it never ceases to amaze me how people that know it all seem to have that shield against reality. I have multiple examples of know it all individuals and all of them have a deeply entertaining specialty that stands out in terms of their knowledge.

My first know it all is the know it all that cites statistics which have no real merit behind them. I love hearing how 37% of the time people that count to five will count to four twice because four plus four is equal to eight. I love it when statistics that make no sense whatsoever are applied to politics. A person who knows it all will say something like " 40% of the time a voter will vote for a better candidate because 20% of the time said voter will be unhappy with their previous choice." The statistics know it all usually has either a lisp or a horrible personality or both. A person citing statistics with no sense to them and putting them down as the law and rule of thumb is also usually incapable of achieving any sort of erection or sexual satisfaction. I understand that this happens at least 27% percent of the time all the time. As we move on through the journey we make our way to the know it all that specializes in history.

I have heard that Vietnam was an attempt by the US to hide aliens in the city of Da nang. I have heard that the moon landing was shot in a studio and I have heard compelling arguments made for Elvis Presley's current status as a secret CIA agent trying to rid the world of scum. I sit and listen to these theories because when a person states their case there is usually some sort of ridiculous and unproven fact that makes it impossible to walk away. The know it alls that try to talk about history will also say that it is "matter of fact" that while Eisenhower was in a toilet he contemplated a surprise attack on Canada in an attempt to corner the faux bacon market. Of course you cannot leave out the know it al that covers life in general.

The know it all that loves to act like he or she has a handle on zen philosophy is life's all purpose know it all. That know it all philosopher loves to throw out words like agnostic, pagan, vegan, syphilitic, atheist and so forth. What I love about this know it all is that they always have an answer to everything. You can ask this know it all about every subject from botox to douche bags and this person will always have an answer. The general know it all has a response to everything and is a self actualized human being. This person knows more than doctors, lawyers, plumbers, and architects. You can never get into a conversation with this person because you must listen to their wise words. I will now state my feelings with regards to know it all as a way to wrap up my little diatribe.

If you know it all you suffer from the following conditions:

1. Shit personality
2. Inferiority complex
3. Stupidity
4. Lack of social skills
5. Lack of interpersonal skills
6. Fishy taco
7. Erectile disfunction
8. Inability to spell
9. Inability to understand things when they are explained ad nauseam 
10. Bitterness
11. Jealousy

In the end know it alls will always be here in spite of their conditions and inability to see what ridiculous idiots they really are. I am thankful for the existence of know it alls because without them life would be dull and I would not be able to laugh with joy.

I'M IN A FUCKED UP STATE OF MIND

I heard something today that made me want to write this entry because while funny it's true. I was told that when I am in a fucked up state of mind I need to step back and think. I never quite thought about that before, and thoughtlessness is something I will address some other time. I asked myself: What is a fucked up state of mind?

I really can't answer that question but I can certainly speculate as to what a fucked up state of mind is. I think a fucked up state of mind is that endless moment where you don't want to face your own weakness and you don't want to admit that you are wrong. I guess it's fair to say that a fucked up state of mind is that period where your head feels like exploding because you don't want to let someone else win with reason.

I have been in a seriously fucked up state of mind more times than I should freely admit but the truth is that I am human and I need to own up to that. I think it's also a fucked up state of mind to think that you can't improve your own situation or pursue a dream or goal that calls out to you. In short a fucked up state of mind is something that provides absolutely nothing and I mean nothing good or positive to your life.

My advice is that when you find yourself in a fucked up state of mind you go ahead and switch to a New York state of mind.

SOMETIMES IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY

I find it funny how sometimes the same message comes out as completely different when delivered by two different people. What I mean by this is that there is such a big disconnect between people and the way they talk.

I love how small situations can explode into unbelievable issues when someone screams their concern or simply breathes like they are having a baby. There are also the people that love to give you the idea that everything is cool when really they are exploding inside thinking that the world is going to end.

This is a small entry with a specific purpose. Communication in an effective manner is a key to a better life and in the end it's how you deliver your peace that determines how well you will be understood in the world.

IT'S ALL IN THE DELIVERY PEOPLE!

WHEN 20 THINGS HAPPEN

Life is a lot like a set of dominoes in the sense that any way you stack them when one moves the rest will fall in perfect synchronicity. In the end the pile is either straight or all over the place but the fact is that you never really know what the significance is. I personally love stacking Dominoes becasue based on my mood the fall may reflect what the day will be like.

I know this sounds crazy but the truth is that when one thing happens it leads to another and another and finally another. The end result is twenty things have happened and you don't know where the hell to go. I think in some ways life is like a monolith for every individual. It's almost like destiny is the series of weird 2001: A Space Odyssey monkey men trying to knock us over to see what we do.

I guess count what happens to you in life in the span of a day. Once you are done counting examine everything and see what the end result is. You will realize that when 20 things happen you are a domino and your own will is what's going to determine how gracefully you stand and how badly you will fall.