THE DEVIL IN THE FARMER'S MARKET

Ever since I was a child I have heard the devil's name mentioned in more than one fashion. I have heard the Devil's name in biblical terms, mythical terms and humorous terms. Let's face it people this devil fella gets around quite a bit.

The one common thread in the different manners of devil story is the Devil's cool and charming demeanor. It seems that Mephistopheles or Mike for short is a very nice guy. The whole point of this blog is to illustrate a potential encounter with the red one. Imagine yourself walking through a farmer's market looking for some sort of green vegetable.

The farmer's market is filled with people walking their dogs, pushing their little strollers, and yes sampling the delicious manchego cheese in the popular cheese tent. So here we are in the market and all of a sudden there is a tent maned by an elderly gentleman that happens to be doing polls for a political party. Don't worry people I won't go there but make your own conclusions please.

The gentleman looks to be 56 and has grey hair, is dressed in a blue shirt, long sleeves, and some nice black trousers. The day is hot and the man looks absolutely refreshed. You walk by the tent at least 7 times and finally you are drawn to the lone stranger because he has not lost his smile.

You discuss things with the man and sign his petition which in essence is just a contract for your soul. Hey let's face it the guy is extremely charismatic and you bought it. Suddenly 25 years pass and you are still shopping at the market and see the same man. You have aged 25 years and the man has not aged, dropped any sweat and you ask him Are you?

The man responds I am here to collect your life, your soul, and your contract. All of a sudden you find yourself in a series of tents all with flames underneath. Hell is one long series of tents, cheeses, strollers, and vegetables. Hell is the Farmer's Market so you must remember never to greet anyone polling in the Farmer's Market because chances are it will be the Devil.

Remember Bozo?

Every now and then I will take time out of my schedule in order to reflect on my sometimes abnormal hatred of clowns. I try to focus on it from a psychological perspective and because I am not a psychologist I can't seem to come up with any answers. There was one clown that to me was very much relatable. Yes my friends I am referring to the legendary Bozo the Clown.

Since I was just 4 years old I would watch Bozo on WGN every day. I really enjoyed the fabulous "Grand Prize Game" of dropping balls into lined up buckets and the further the bucket the better the prize. I will not forget the kid that won the Schwinn bicycle. There was something about that show that was relatable. The clowns all seemed to have their particular personalities that made them endearing.

There was cookie the clown and he seemed loving but a bit hapless. I remember the Wizard clown and I believe his handle was Wizo. Every day there was some new scheme from the clowns to get each other with pranks but in hte end there was that wholesome lesson about right and wrong.

Bozo was a leader of the pack and he also seemed to hold it all together for the family. I remember hearing that the wait list for Bozo tickets in Chicago was something like ten to fifteen years. I can imagine a 20 year old saying 'fuck that I am playing the grand prize game." Good times people, good times!

ABBY LEE MILLER AND HONEY BOO BOO CAN BOTH EAT SHIT

There is nothing better than a pseudo feud between pseudo stars. Enter the feud between mega bitch Abby Lee Miller and pageant nuisance Honey Boo Boo. What I love about this soon to be Hatfields and Mccoys reality feud is that it's a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black.

I am sure you are wondering what I mean by that and I will gladly explain it. Abby Lee Miller is saying that Honey Boo Boo needs to train and dance among other things in order to win pageants. What I think about that statement is that it is really rather low and out of place.

I despise Honey Boo Boo, that shitty show and all the people in it. I can't say anything about Abby Lee Miller other than she is a total an utter piece of crap. Having said this I must say that one tub of better calling another one fat is rather unnecessary.

Both of the "individuals" mentioned in this particularly venomous blog I am writing are just disgusting but one blind person should never criticize the other one's sight. So in conclusion both of these "stars" can eat shit!

WAY TO JUMP THE SHARK JOANIE

I remember watching Happy Days when I was a little boy and getting that special feeling for Erin Moran. Erin Moran was not the greatest beauty but she had this sexy smile and sweet way about her. I was kind of depressed when she went off Happy Days into a life with Chachi. Today I came across an interesting picture of Erin and her an article talking about her present state.

I have to say that to me it is quite depressing seeing her in that state. Someone that accomplished what she accomplished should not be near destitute going from motel to motel with what seems to be a band of drunken toothless idiots. I guess this is Erin Moran's version of jumping the shark. This fits with my theory that jumping a shark is not good for television nor life in general.

I won't judge or say much of anything other than this is sad but at the same time it speaks to how some people seem to have a serious ability to squander gifts and opportunities and  re-invent themselves in the worst ways imaginable. Erin Moran is 51 and she looks like a 70 year old junkie.

I am assuming that Joanie's next stop will be Celebrity Rehab where Jeff Conaway stopped looking worse prior to his tragic death. So is this the way things have to end? I hope Joanie will see some Happy Days again.

WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MIKE LOVE?

I am certain that at least five people care about Mike Love and if this offends them I want to say I could give a flying fuck. Today while reading interesting tidbits about the world around me I read that Brian Wilson was fired from the Beach Boys by Mike Love who owns the rights to the Beach Boys.

So if Al Jardine, who was also fired, Brian Wilson, and David Marks are gone how does a touring band still mean Beach Boys? I have never liked Mike Love because he is the typical douche frontman that loves the spotlight. This is classic and in some ways reminds me of Axl Rose's pathetic attempt at continuing Guns N Roses with an all new line up.

I think what bothers me the most is that I have heard some of Mike Love's ridiculous solo work and I wonder if he really believes he can actually compare to Brian Wilson. Brian Wilson's album "Imagination" was sensational. Personally I think Brian was and will forever be the soul of the Beach Boys. When Mike Love can take credit for work such as Smile and Pet Sounds then he can call himself  the driving force behind the band.

Sorry to say that the participation of John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos and Love's kids mean absolute shit to me. I also think that as talented as Bruce Johnston is he will still always be the Brian Wilson's touring replacement.

THE EXTREME TRUTH CAN BE DANGEROUS

So I am writing this blog not to subscribe to theory or to make any sort of plea on behalf of any individual. I first became of Julian Assange around 2010 when a red notice for Assange was made public and he became a worldwide menace. I thought Assange was a sort of creepy cool dude. To me Assange was the perfect antihero character hair and all. I started looking up information on the guy and I must say I was impressed.

Assange was labeled as an "information terrorist" by Newt Gingrich and became a popular subject in terms of execution and assassination talk from extreme conservatives. I mean let's face it when the brilliant Sarah Palin states that a man should be pursued with the same urgency as Taliban leaders it means you made it.

The big question is simple when it comes to Assange. Why has he elicited such ire? If you take a look at his site there seems to be an enormous amount of information basically exposing corruption on a world wide scale. I am not one to say what is fact or what is fiction but I do keep an open mind. So why is the guy with the funky hair the enemy?

Assange has made it his mission to release information that the public did not have any access to in matters of national and worldwide security. Why is this important to us? I think that maybe it's a service of sorts to take a good fraction of the population away from the "information" provided by biassed, profit driven media, special interest groups, and politicians that want the "best" for the population.

I am not interested in conspiracy theories simply because I believe that theories without any real base ultimately create small pockets of chaos. Now getting back to Assange I don't think that he would be considered public enemy number one if he was not hitting some seriously sour notes. The fact is that things are being exposed and as a result the man doing it is considered a terrorist.

How about we stop using the word terrorist and call it as we see it. There is a person using his knowledge, contacts and abilities to try and educate people when it comes to matters that individuals in power want to keep secret. We are living in a world where those leaders we elect do not work for us but rather for themselves and sometimes against us depending on the region. Is Assange really the enemy for trying to expose extreme truth?

WHY GOING GREEN SHOULD NOT BE A TREND

Lately and by lately I mean for about five years I have been hearing "Go Green." I love the commercials and soul driven pleas for the environment. I agree that we should all do our part to help the planet and that in almost every single way the planet's ultimate survival starts with us. If we go back and look at facts about the environment the ultimate revelation will show that "Going Green" is nothing more than an effort at following a celebrity driven trend. Let's look at some facts from www.thinkquest.org:

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• If just 25% of U.S. families used 10 fewer plastic bags a month, we would save over 2.5 BILLION bags a year.

• On the average, the 140 million cars in America are estimated to travel almost 4 billion miles in a day, and according to the Department of Transportation, they use over 200 million gallons of gasoline doing it.

• Every year we throw away 24 million tons of leaves and grass. Leaves alone account for 75% of our solid waste in the fall.

• Over 100 pesticide ingredients are suspected to cause birth defects, cancer, and gene mutations.

• Every ton of recycled office paper saves 380 gallons of oil.

• About 1% of U.S. landfill space is full of disposable diapers, which take 500 years to decompose.

• Energy saved from one recycled aluminum can will operate a TV set for 3 hours, and is the equivalent to half a can of gasoline.

• Glass produced from recycled glass instead of raw materials reduces related air pollution by 20%, and water pollution by 50%.

• Americans use 50 million tons of paper annually -- consuming more than 850 million trees.

• Homeowners use up to 10 times more toxic chemicals per acre than farmers.

• By turning down your central heating thermostat one degree, fuel consumption is cut by as much as 10%.

• Insulating your attic reduces the amount of energy loss in most houses by up to 20%.

• Enough glass was thrown away in 1990 to fill the Twin Towers (1,350 feet high) of New York's World Trade Center every two weeks.

• One ton of carbon dioxide that is released in the air can be prevented by replacing every 75 watt light bulbs with energy efficient bulbs.

• Many banks lent large sums of money to developing nations. In order to pay those debts plus interest many nations have turned to the mining of their natural resources as a source of financial aid.

• Every day 40,000 children die from preventable diseases.

• The public transportation that we have is a wreck. The U.S. continues to promote and invest in private car travel rather than public transportation.

• The human population of the world is expected to be nearly tripled by the year 2100.

• A three percent annual growth rate will result in the doubling of consumption and production of food and other products in 25 short years.  The amount of motor vehicles that are expected to be operated will increase 15 million a year until at least 2010.

• The world's per capita grain production has been on the downfall since 1985 despite the use of fertilizers and pesticides.

• Already a train system has been developed (back in 1987) which is based on magnetic levitation and causes minimal pollution. These versions of a train are already in use in several countries.

• Fibre optics, made of glass, are being used to replace copper cables throughout the world.

• The uncontrolled fishing that is allowed has reduced the amount of commercial species. Some species, up to one-tenth of their original population.

• Every day 50 to 100 species of plants and animals become extinct as their habitat and human influences destroy them.

Okay so I have a question: If a guy with a hat and silly field clothes said that would it be as impacting as if Bono said it? The answer is a resounding NO. We are following the lead of others because now it's cool to care. Instead of waiting for others to say "Let's save the planet" how about taking action such as recycling on a consistent basis and taking steps to lessen the consumption of resources. Don't wait until it's cool to do something and act when it's already too late. 

HONEY BOO BOO BASHING VOLUME DEUX

Okay so today I found myself wanting to write and feeling empty in terms of material so I decided to go after my favorite target. At this point you are probably wondering who or what that would be and, you guessed it, I hate the Honey Boo Boo. Why do I hate this show so much? Why does this portly little tub of Southern homegrown biscuit butter just piss me off? These questions are questions that I have asked myself in a manner worthy of Darwinian examination. What I mean by this is that Honey Boo Boo makes a person weak with ignorance and herself manages to survive without being the fittest.

Let me start with how sick I am with the concept of dressing young girls like experienced, tax paying, Nevada hookers. I also have a profound distaste for the way that her family conducts itself. These humble backwoods banjo players really love the burping and armpit games. My next and quite logical question is: Why play burping bonanza in front of a kid whom you want to be the next Miss America? (insert snide comment here....PLEASE!). I love the fact that occasionally they subtitle the shows because these people have the worst English.

I don't like this little girl because she is an annoying version of piglet. If I was to liken her to something I would say she is bastard child of Ms. Piggy and one of the other pigs from the "Pigs in Outer Space" sketch in the old Muppet Show. I think that Honey Boo Boo is more than likely going to be like a regional version of the Kardashians. I think that Honey Boo Boo will more than likely marry a single A baseball player with very low self esteem and triple A dreams.

You go Honey Boo Boo and be the Southern Kardashian you were meant to be.

Why Giving in Can Never be an Option

I have never been the kind of person that sits on a corner giving motivational speeches in part because I just think that it's stupid to sit and try to tell people what to do and not do it yourself. I am, however, a firm believer that people should never give up on their dreams or ambitions. The truth of the mater is that it's dreams and ambitions that drive a person to success in life.

I write this more for people that have a drive to be unconventional and at the same time successful. I don't think it's necessary to pursue the aspirations of "normal" society to be a success in life. When people grow up under conventional circumstances they tend to be told that anything outside teaching, accounting, medicine, and law among other careers is not really acceptable.

What then about the beautiful girl that wants to be a model? What about the future thespian in the midwestern town? It seems like it's okay for a parent to tell their kids "that's not what is meant to be." I also love the whole test of faith thing too. People that have suffered love to tell you that suffering is for the masses and you have to have "faith." So is all of this just a way of saying give up?

I say go for it until you have nothing left to give and believe that you have something to offer. No one in the world can say "NO" in a definitive fashion and more than that giving up can never bring you any satisfaction.

Why I hate Remember When Conversation!

I personally abhor the past because I just don't see how living in it and attempting to bring it up really add anything positive to the present. I think remember when is an exercise in futility. People love to look back and quite frankly it seems like when they look back they really just do not have the right version of yesterday's happenings.

People will talk about the time when they were special and discovered the cure for cancer but really they just found a good remedy for fevers and colds. Remember when to me is nothing more than just recreating a story with a different ending.

I don't like to remember anything about the past because I like to move forward.

Mitt Romney is a BITCH

Okay so now that I have managed to capture your attention let me elaborate. I am not much into politics and I never have been because the truth is that to me all politicians are a bunch of bitches. I think that democrats and republicans are slaves to special interest.

I am bothered by Romney because truthfully the guy is about charismatic as testicular cancer. The pros to Mitt are........ okay then we will get back to that. I think Romney not only lacks real depth but he also  lacks abilities in areas like foreign policy. Every die hard republican will say that Romney has the ability to lead but I think before every sheep decides to drink the serum they need to realize who the hell Mitt is in politics.

Mitt lost a senatorial election to Ted Kennedy by well over 17 points in 1995. Romney also served a single term as governor of Massachusetts from 03' to 07' so that sums up his experience. I will say that his term was successful in terms of eliminating a projected deficit that was estimated in the billions. I still think Romney is a bitch.

At the end of the day Romney is a nightmare in terms of foreign policy as proven by his gaffe in London among other things. I am neither a republican or a democrat but hey what ever may the best bitch win!

Every Window has a Story

Ever since I was a child I have been fascinated by teller windows pretty much everywhere with the exception of the post office. My reason for said fascination comes from wondering why there was an area you could see an not be a part of. I would constantly ask what was behind the window.

Today as I ran errands, against my own better judgement, I decided to go to Amscot to get some money orders because it seemed like the quickest way to get some bills taken care of. As I requested my money orders in this crowded place I decided to step back several steps and look around. Once I was done I decided to step back completely and observe for about two minutes.

Over the period of two minutes I realized that I was fascinated by the story on either side of the window. I wondered how tellers dealt with the stress of self entitled individuals feeling that they were or at least should be priority one. I also wondered how the tellers felt in terms of the money being at their disposal. Did any one of those tellers ever feel like walking off with a few dollars?

Then I looked at the people on the other side of the windows and I wondered if they were depressed, angry, or just frustrated. I noticed this one little boy looking around with a sense of indifference to the world because he was consuming vast quantities of movie theater candy. I got an almost panoramic view of human condition and realized that one of the best places to understand the term "individual" is in a place where there are teller windows.

It seems to me like wherever money is present there is always that feeling of reality without veils.

Hit the Floor

There is one thing I love about going to nightclubs and that is people watching. I think that going to a club is a wonderful exercise in seeing that small portion of courage that people will muster up in order to impress others. I like the fact that there is always a group of stud wannabes that finished their shift at the local Foot Action and now see themselves as club gods.

When you transition from the Foot Action guys you head straight into the dudes that have a decent job but are unsatisfied and they will tell the world that they are promoters, producers, or maybe even business owners. Those particular guys are the biggest jokes because they think they are main attractions of the evening usually those guys will try to hit on anything that moves. From the total fakes you move on to the "players."

I love when I see these guys at work because normally they are so insecure that they chose to get out of their Bentley and Rolls Royce automobiles and pay outrageous tabs that include drinks for everyone. For some reason I do not clearly understand, these guys are always either going home alone or with a girl that will only tease them all night. On the ladies side it's usually one of two things.

The ladies are usually in groups of three or four and the groups are easy to understand. Some ladies want to have a good time and chill without being bothered, some ladies want to have a sucker pay for the drinks and others are hunting for some adventure. At any right they all seem to congregate in one place and that is the floor.

I like to go to places and look at the floor because quite frankly when they all go out they all look stiff as boards and dance so horribly. I like looking at people dance because it's like watching them do a dry heave and continue. I think that the beautiful thing about people on the floor is that they all look like extras from the "Towering Inferno." There will always be the dude or girl that can really dance but again it's all a matter attention in a place where no one knows or really cares who you are because chances are that they will never see you again.

Good Examples Still Exist

So today I read that Macy's longest employed individual retired after 73 years of service. There are so many things I find inspirational about this particular story. I think that this lady, whose name is Rosy Syracuse Richardone, is a wonderful example of work ethic at it's best. What was so touching to me about this story was the fact that this lady ready loved what she did.

Today we look at jobs as a way to get a check and spend the time. I would love to sit in front of any workplace and count how many smiles I see. I am certain that I would see a total of five to ten smiles if that. Working is as important breathing especially in today's world so being happy about what you do is vital. People are limited and feel that they won't achieve much if they stay in one place but the truth is that anything is possible in terms of accomplishments. Anything can still be done in life if we want to do it.

My whole point is don't look at things in a negative light because there is always something good in life.

Tragedy Imitating Art

Often times we wonder if what we see in film can translate to real life. Take a movie like "Death Wish" for example. We wonder if there really is some architect with the desire of to kill every dirty bastard criminal out there. Then you have 007 films where the super spy  sleeps around, drinks, and kills bad people without worrying about getting an STD,cirrhosis, or retribution. In reality precision killing and action packed sequences do not seem to occur, at least not often.

In the French Alps the bodies of four victims were found gunned down in cold blooded and precise fashion. This brings me to a very simple question, why? We live in a world where there is enough killing so why make it worst? In this case a mother's dead body was covering her 4 year old daughter's live body. There was another girl 8 years old with a gunshot wound to the head still alive. The girl's father and a passenger, a woman, were both shot and not too far a cyclist was shot execution style.

I am sure people would question what the father did or the mystery woman or even the cyclist. I am sure the questions will pop up such as

1. Was the father the target?
2. Was the mother the target?
3. Was the lady target?
4. Was the cyclist the target and the family in the way?
5. Why was this family targeted and the cyclist a victim of circumstance?
6. Why was the family in vacation in the French Alps?
7. What kind of gun was used?

The questions will come around and the conclusions will follow I am sure. Every imbecile wanting to play CSI and Homicide investigator. I look at this and think that the world is truly a fucked up place where safety is a foreign and alien concept.

Let's do something about this type of thing, life is short but it should not be cut so short that whatever we do ceases to have any meaning whatsoever.

Honey Boo Boo SHIT!

I have always had an issue with reality television in part because I know that reality is rehearsed. There is a huge difference between actors putting together a nice episode of television and morons acting like bigger morons for entertainment. At this point I want to enter Honey Boo Boo into the equation. Everywhere I turn I hear about this portly nuisance and her pageant ambitions.

What I really dislike is the fact that this show airs on TLC. TLC used to be known as The Learning Channel and I would like to know what in the fuck is anyone learning from this ridiculous series. That whole family is ill mannered and disgusting and really contribute nothing to society. Honey Boo Boo is becoming something likened to Jesus apparently. I guess we should really take heed of our latest spiritual figure.

The world is really headed into the fucking toilet, Snooky the drunken whore, Honey Boo Boo the little porker fashion maven. I wonder what the fuck is next in terms of what's out there. Seriously people wake the fuck up and take this shit off the air. It's not really okay, none of it is, it's one overly rehearsed series of shit vignettes after the other. I prefer 20 more years of law and order to "real" shit.

I am going to be starting in my own series called " FUCK IT MAN"!

It's good to look back in order to not do any real work

So when exactly did it become okay for news to go back as far fourteen years? If we go by the definition of news it states the following:

1) Newly received or noteworthy information, esp. about recent or important events.

Okay so It's my guess that this would apply to every subject from politics to fashion. I understand that the internet is a melting pot but I wonder if it has become a melting pot for totally unchallenged stupidity. I open my news feed in order to see what information of note was there and most of the information was either ridiculous in nature or rehashed information from years ago.

I do understand the value of something memorable but in the times we are living. Is it really necessary to talk about Rose Mcgowan's 1998 VMA dress? Maybe I have become jaded but if something is going to be labeled "news" make it it significant enough for people to take their time and actually read it. One last note to the world please ban that fucking idiot Perez Hilton, that guy is a total shitbag.

Clint Eastwood and Liberace!

Ever since Clint Eastwood's speech at the Republican National Convention I have heard quite a few things. Some people are saying that the man went crazy while others are saying he is clearly an elitist racist and many are saying that this was his finest performance. To me all the attention that Clint Eastwood got because of his ill fated attempt at improvisation is a clear example of a larger issue. As a society we put too much stock into celebrity opinion and not enough stock into actual fact.

I will call it down the middle on this one because it is only right after all. Clint Eastwood is an intelligent and highly skilled individual and he is a former politician at both the city and state level. I believe that Clint Eastwood was trying to do something unique enough to get his point across. Everyone cringed and assumed that Clint lost his mind an on top of that they gave it more attention than Mitt Romney's acceptance speech. I dare anyone to quote anything Romney said word for word.

My point with this whole thing is that Clint stole the show by talking to a chair as a opposed to Romney with his own speech. What the hell does that say about us? It says we care more about celebrities and their opinion rather than forming our own opinions and sticking by them with the facts we consider to be correct. We no longer seem to be able to say I think this is the right guy because of his views. We find it easier to say this is the right guy because he sits at the cool kids table.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce my candidacy for president in 2016 on the Liberopublican ticket. I also want to let you all know that my celebrity guest will be none other than the hologram of Orson Welles with an introduction by on piano by Liberace's out of this world shiny hologram.