THE MORNING AFTER

You ever get that "holly shit feeling" after you connect with a person in an intimate way? To me that is the most hilarious thing in the world, that "oh shit, what did I do?" feeling. I have never gotten that particular feeling because I've never done the hookup thing at any point in my life. I do know people that have done that and it's funny as hell. The facial expressions alone are incredible even after the fact. The big wide eyed look that say " I don't know what I did but I know it wasn't good at all." That look is usually coupled with a question of whether or not someone is pregnant and if there is some manner of herpes involved.

Once the initial shock wears off you wonder what you did and that's even funnier. The questions are usually "Okay so I was drinking and then what?" Then you wonder if your parents know and you wonder what your friends know and who said what to who. The closest I have ever come to that feeling is getting so drunk at one party that I bit walls and made animal noises. I was told that I kicked over a kitty litter box and made a kitty litter sculpture. I think it's a wonderful thing that the cat had yet to establish his territory in said when I decided to kicked the box.

As far as the hookup goes there is that worry that you were left with some sort of dirty funk. The morning after is one of life's wonders so respect it and enjoy it. The morning after happens to almost everyone so please don't hate yourself when you reek of sex and shame.

DON'T TALK PAST YOUR PRIME

I love when people that are clearly past their prime decide that they want to start writing about themselves as if they are something special. I can understand the whole concept of good self esteem but there is something to be said for being borderline ridiculous on top of being happy about having been "special" during some point in your life.

Example 1: A middle aged woman out of shape walks into a bar and she starts talking to every young douche lion in the place to see who will take her home to experiment with a BBW milf. The middle aged gun slinger posts her conquest on her social medium of preference and talks of herself in the third person. The Lady says " The kitten scratches hard all over the place blah, blah, blah."

Example 2: A middle aged man walks into a bar and starts a conversation with a young girl. The girl ignores him and he moves on to the next then the next until a guy stops him from talking to his girlfriend in the worst way. The man says that he destroyed some young girls nether region and made her beg for more love.

The bottom line is that it's okay to feel young, act young, and know how to live life. There is something to be said for being a complete idiot that goes beyond youthful into ridiculous. So please remember that you should not talk past your prime.