CUT THE JACKASS A BREAK

I'm sure you are wondering who the jackass is, it's Tom Cruise. I'm not a fan of Tom Cruise but I don't think it's fair to accuse him of saying something derogatory about the troops. It was stated in TMZ that he said something to the effect that making a film was as tough as being a soldier in Afghanistan. I don't think it's true, in fact I think it's total BS. I think that Tom Cruise has become a target primarily because he is a blind follower of scientology. We live in a free country, let him be a jackass, it's his right.

I don't think it's fair to accuse a person of making idiotic statements like that, this is the guy the did Born on the Fourth of July after all. I am not fond of Cruise but you have to give the guy some sort of break. I can't imagine what it's like to be considered a complete douche and on top of that have comments like that attributed to me. It was stated in CNN's site that the comments that were made by Cruise were taken out of context and re worded.

Let's not focus on so much negativity and crap and let's let jackasses be that without making their existence worst.

THANKSGIVING SURVIVAL 101

Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday when you are a guest, when you are the host the situation is a bit different. Often times you have to stress over the turkey, aunt June will bring her hideous casserole, and the kids will make a horrible mess on their new thanksgiving themed turkey sweaters. In short thanksgiving is a hosting nightmare. I will cover the following topics: 

• Television
• Air conditioning
• Health
• Cleanliness
• The house pet
• The desired end result

All of this advice comes from one thanksgiving I had back in 1989 where I witnessed the start of a small national conflict. I recall the gathering was being hosted at an unusual place by people in the family whom I was not so acquainted with. In the end there were headaches, lost dogs, and hurt feelings, bless the memories. I can remeber the battle that ensued when the dog got out during a discussion about the George Bush administration.

I have taken the liberty to go ahead and give you a few tips on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner. The first tip is to make sure that you have two TV sets, a large one with football on and a smaller one with the parades for the elderly. My next piece of advice is to keep the air on because if you don't there's a good chance your home will turn into a sauna. I would advice keeping some aspirin handy in order to deal with the pulsating headaches that you'll get as a result of the arguments that are sure to erupt over politics and religion.

On the cleanliness end I would advice you to use themed paper plates and plastic utensils, it seems that the messes created in thanksgiving are something else and no one is likely to aid you in the task of cleaning up. I would also say, make sure that your pets are secured because with the constant opening and closing of the doors there is sure to be an opportunity for Rusty the curious Chihuahua to step out for a sabbatical of sorts.

My last piece of advice on how to survive hosting a thanksgiving dinner is not to lose track of the occasion and have fun. Thanksgiving is a day for family; it celebrates the idea of togetherness. Make sure you really give thanks for your elders, your dog, the cranberries, themed sweaters and horrible casserole; because you never know when that will all go away.

MY FIRST HOLIDAY REBELLION

When I was a child I was always relegated to the kid's table in thanksgiving. My aunt would throw a lavish dinner in her apartment on the beach. I remember that I was always given a table in the enclosed balcony. I did not mind sitting at that table because I had an amazing view of the beach. I did have a huge problem with the fact that my dinner consisted of pieces of the turkey that were picked out for me.

I remember clearly that I would get these slices of turkey, perfectly carved and fit for a cat. I always got more salad than I desired and a little skin. I assume that because I was a thin but long kid everyone thought I was not a big eater. I would examine this situation closely before making my move. I had to employ a daring approach that would require a little extra courage and guile. This was my year to make that statement and employ all the tactics I learned watching animated action cartoons.

I was seven years old and the year was 1986, I was going to make a move in order to make my presence felt. I decided to make a move on the fabled drumstick. I remember that particular drumstick was so big, at least to me. I was ready to show I was worthy of a move up from my table of solitude. I paced slowly as the adults spoke of subjects I knew nothing about.

I made a move behind a chair that was not pushed in all the way, and quickly turned and found myself under the table. I saw no legs so I made sure to make a strategic move toward the center, where the turkey sat. I moved to a chair near the turkey and finally made eye to, wait, I looked upon the turkey. I knew that the turkey would be a great challenge and I had to wing it, and quick. I grabbed the drumstick unnoticed and moved on.

When everyone looked at me I was saying a little prayer and toasting my sprite in triumph. Everyone looked in shock and awe, I amazed them all and the following year I would be a proud member of the adult table and allowed to choose my portion of the fabled gobbler. I would look at the kid's table in triumph and mentally hold it up as a sign of victory.

MY HOLIDAY TO DO LIST

I love the holidays and like everyone else I have still yet to do a lot of things that I want to do. I guess this is my bucket list of thing that I want to do on the holidays. I first want to stuff a turkey, I have always feared stuffing a turkey because I was told as a child that the turkey could come to life and as a result it could devour my arm in anger. Once I have conquered the turkey I will move on to what's next.

I want to make a Dorito casserole with various flavors such as cool ranch, guacamole, and nacho cheese and so on. I think that the casserole gets an awful rap because normally is not fun to even look at. I want to revolutionize the casserole for at least one holiday. The next thing on my list is to go ahead and conquer the rink at the city centre in Amsterdam.

Last Christmas I went to Amsterdam and out of fear walked away from the rink. I want to walk back into the rink and show those five year old Dutch kids that I too can hang. I just feel that my life would be incomplete if I did not impose my alpha male nature in this particular rink full of children. I really want to say "I did that." The last thing I want to do this holiday season is initiate a major snow ball war in the street, also in Amsterdam.

I want there to be snowball warfare because I love snow balls and chucking them at people. I want to be able to look at all the mess and pound my chest with great pride. I understand that there will be a lot of carnage, but hey that's life.

BIEBER, BRAZIL, AND THE CONVERSATION

The big news over the last week have centered on the Justin Bieber escapade in Brazil. Bieber was taped sleeping by a "girl" that was "visiting" him. I personally think that Justin is looking for a mother figure because this girl looks like she's got some serious miles on her. I can only imagine what a conversation between them was like.

Justin: Sup girl?

Tati: I have fever in the bieber.

Justin: I'm sad yo'

Tati: I make you happy.

Justin: Yo baby, do something for me.

Tati: Yes?

Justin: Read me a story yo'

Tati: ???

Justin: I like the three bears yo'

Tati: You want I suck you?

Justin: I suck my thumb yo'

Tati: I do nice for you.

Justin: Obrigado bitch.

I think Justin is a sad little clown that wants to get laid and hear fairy tales and that's okay, you only live once. Good boy Justin, you get your lady to tell you stories and whatnot.

WHERE THE REAL POWER HIDES

The definition of power usually reads like "the ability to do something or act in a particular way, esp. as a faculty or quality." There's physical power, power in terms of persuasion but the question is really " Where does power come from?" I personally think that real power lies in our sub conscious. I'm not trying to be some sort of inspiration, but I do whole heartedly believe that we hold the key to our own success. 

I've heard it said before that in our lifetime we only use something like 5% of our full capacity. I think it's fair to say we hold the key to our real power. We can really achieve what we want, if we chose to do so. I don't think we should impose limitations on ourselves, it's too easy to fall prey to the idea that we can't move forward beyond a certain point. I think one good thing about today's world is the fact that so many people look beyond a normal day to day existence. 

I think we are living a new and exciting time in terms of recognizing our own potential as individuals. Hopefully what we are learning now won't be some passing trend that will recycle itself twenty years from now. 

WHY I SAY THANK YOU

I'm not a war monger, I don't go around saying let's bomb this place and that place all to hell. I wish that conflicts could be settled through communication but human nature prohibits that. I am still very thankful for veterans and today, on this veteran't day I say thanks. Veterans have always primarily fought because of an intense belief in the idea that the whole world deserves to be free of oppression.

Veterans do fight for the idea of democracy, every veteran I have met has always expressed a belief in making things right for others. Let's face facts, for every imperfection in our society, America on its worst day is still a gold standard. No, there is no perfect system, but considering the opportunities we have in this country, we can't really complain.

Every veteran is also willing to sacrifice a part of themselves in combat, something not everyone can really begin to comprehend. I never spent a day in a field of battle so I will never make a derogatory statement about a veteran, like so many idiots tend to do. People need to remember that veterans don't go into conflict with agendas, veterans are not politicians.

On this day, even if you don't believe in conflict, don't attack someone for doing what you never would. It's important to be grateful, servicemen and women often make a sacrifice that carries a high price and an almost non existent reward. There are reasons to say thank you to our veterans, too many of them to mention. Today I suggest a thank you because it's the least that can be done and lets our veterans know we understand what they gave up.