JOHN KERRY, SECRETARY OF STATE AND SECRET SUPERHERO

You have to love John Kerry no matter what your political preference is. John Kerry is not an ordinary politician. When there is trouble on the floor of the United Nations Kerry turns into JK Man. JK man is strong like the Hulk, quick, not totally set on his positions like Superman, and in possession of a masculine square jaw. Kerry is not really going through despair in terms of negotiations for the end of Iran's nuclear program, he is simply letting think he is slightly desperate.

JK Man shall surface and use his super strength, Batman like deduction powers, Martian Manhunter Musculature, Green Lantern imagination, and Aquaman uselessness in order to try and craft a second failed bid for president in the year 2016. Iran shall be very surprised by the great JK Man and they shall end their program out of fear. The wrath of JK Man shall prevail!

EVERY MALL IS THE SAME

Have you ever been to a mall and realized that all the malls in the world are the same? It's funny but it doesn't matter what language you speak or where you are located it's all the same. Everywhere you go there is some Sunglass Hut, H&M, and so on and so forth. What is interesting to me is the fact that every mall in the world has a little bit of everything and it's all the same.

You are in the mall and you see the little boy in the stroller pitching a fit because his mother has been shopping for shoes for over five hours. Another common sighting is the four or five teenage girls that are loud, obnoxious, and stuck in a warp zone of perennial stupidity. Then as you move forward you see the couple that you wonder how in the hell they got together in the first place.

Once you move on to the food court you see the same group of punk teenagers talking some bullshit about girls they want to nail and games of magic. Malls are the common ground for everyone to meet on. The food court has no guest list, stores can't keep you from coming in and cinnamon rolls unite everyone in peace and happiness.

The mall is the United Nations where every individual, big, small, annoying, senseless, and full of shit meet to quietly size each other up. Long live the mall!

NORTH KOREA

Every time I look at a picture of Kim Jong Un he reminds me of a child that looks blankly into the heavens after being told that he cannot have an ice cream cone because of his pre disposition to diabetes. I read recently that North Korea has made it clear that they won't hesitate to launch one of their 1950's missiles if or when necessary. The problem with North Korea as I see it is that they are a lot like a dog that looks nice but you know he will bite you if you go near its tail.

I think North Korea is a serious threat just by virtue of the fact that they are so vocal about kicking ass on a nuclear world wide scale but I also believe that Kim Jong Un is not really the power behind the throne. King Jong Un is an example of a kid that was cast into an incredibly difficult situation by a zealous father trying to create a legacy in the same manner that a constipated man tries to create acceptable stool samples. Kim Jong Un looks more comfortable watching a game with Dennis Rodman than standing in front of a bunch of Generals in his unflattering outfit that I am assuming was designed by his father at some point during the great polyester shortage of 1979.

I think the real tragedy here is that this kid is lost in a world where bad decisions are encouraged as a WWDD or What would dad do?  I wonder how a 30 year old man is capable of really truly leading a nation when his only real qualification is being the owner's kid. I assume that things will only get dimmer and dimmer and that eventually one of his "uncles" will sit him on a rocket and watch him fly straight into the sun.