I WILL SLAP A NUN IN THE MOUTH

Did my tittle get your attention? I'm glad to know that you are easily shocked. I would never hit a nun in the mouth but the thought did cross my mind once. If you are wondering why, it's because a bitch nun hit me once when I was in fifth grade. I have such a vivid memory from that day, I will never forget it, in a way it was my first experience with a dominant female. Okay I know that sounds weird so let me step back for a second.

The nun, who shall remain nameless, was a huge bitch and by huge I mean she looked to be well over six feet tall. I knew this nun was the biggest, baddest man in Santa Monica Academy, located in Puerto Rico. The bitch was crazy and angry, an angry nun is a dangerous nun.

This particular nun had a look of disgust that was so damn horrible. I remember one day I was running to class and felt the power of her nearly demonic gaze stop me in my tracks. I often wondered if this woman was raised by coyotes in the forrest after her mother placed her in a cage and threw her out the circus truck's bed. I realized that it was impossible for coyotes to have raised her because, as I understood it, there were no coyotes in Puerto Rico. This woman was a force of evil that had risen from the depths of the Vatican. I knew my theory was off because the Vatican is located in Rome and the woman was Puerto Rican. I felt that an impending confrontation with this testosterone powered penguin was inevitable. One day my worst fears became a horrid reality, a reality I would not soon forget.

The nun, or Sister Adalwulf as I refer to her, chose her spot correctly. I did not want to go to service one day and that bitch sought me out. I was quick and ran through the corridors of Santa Monica, I knew I could ill afford to be caught by her. I ran to my classroom and could hear her big manly feet slowly plodding toward my location, it was like hearing my doom come near.

I hid behind a desk but to no avail as my young, very hot, female teacher had to point me out. I saw the sadness in Ms. Martinez, her porcelain like skin quivered as she understood that this form of betrayal destroyed any possible future hot for teacher encounters. The devil had caught up to me and it looked to give me a serious ass whooping. The sister dragged me with her manly strength and hit me twice with a ruler and referred to me as a heretic that needed to be exorcised.

I later moved to Florida but I never forgot my cup of coffee with the flames of hell. I was later told that the bitch was still alive. I am not surprised she is still alive since she is only 58 which,by Geraldo's count, is the new 38. My point is, I hate that stinking sack of crap and if nothing else I hope that she is slapped by the, god bless her.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IS BULLSHIT

I am writing what it is everyone is thinking. Political correctness is total bullshit no matter how you cut it. I think that the idea has become so big in society today that we have lost sight of the difference between being correct in expression and being ridiculous. It's one thing to be a racist, color your statements about things with ignorant remarks, and another to actually express your feelings without the feeling of boundaries cornering you. Today the PC bullshit has taken a turn for the insane in ways that are both amusing and annoying.

You can't refer to someone as a midget, or refer to a tall person in a way that may make fun of their height. The word ho is automatically associated with calling a female a prostitute. You can't say black out loud for fear that the mere mention of color may make someone mad. No one in this world is perfect and if you are not intentionally trying to offend a person I think society needs to have some fucking leniency. I don't understand why a person should be allowed to press assault charges if I tell them to go fuck themselves. Do you know that Ho is actually an acronym with several different meanings?

I am not saying that it's okay to insult people but I will say that if someone pushes the wrong buttons they deserve to be told exactly they can do regardless of race, creed, color or gender. I don't care if a catholic priest decides he wants to judge me because I can proceed to ask said priest why there are so many pedophiles at the helm of the church. I know you are wondering where this is coming from when I just wrote about the universal force of love.

I am honest enough and have enough common sense to distinguish between reality and serious bullshit. I am not saying for people to go out and act like total assholes I am just saying that common sense in expression is not something that should be hindered by the thought of overly sensitive people taking offense to every little statement made.

THE PADRE SAYS " NO MAS"

Pope Benedict XVI announced his resignation from his post came as a major shock to everyone including members of his inner circle. The resignation did not come with a special specific announcement to that end but rather as part of routine proceedings. The Pope cited ill health and advanced age this was the first resignation in six centuries. The resignation of the church's key figure brings about interesting questions.

The first question is: Who will replace him? The fact is that whoever replaces the pope has their hands full. The Catholic Church is facing crises left and right starting with allegations of sexual abuse cover up that undermine its moral authority. Whoever is chosen must have an understanding of the Catholic Church's present issues including the advent of the Evangelical Movement in Latin America and Africa. The next pope needs to be someone with a more human touch and a less authoritative and standoffish attitude. Pope Benedict was no John Paul II when it came to giving off an air of accessibility.

A second question: Will this be a lifetime commitment for the next guy? The fact that this is the first Pope to cash in the 401k in six centuries makes me wonder if there is a new precedent about to establish itself. The Pope is the key figure in church but let's understand one thing, being the Pope is almost like being a political figure. The Pope is the spiritual leader of something close to a billion followers worldwide. While the church no longer influences policy due to separation of church and state the fact is that the church is no less powerful or able to create controversy given it's stances on issues ranging from birth control to policy.

The Pope's resignation was a move that was practical in nature but at the same time it shows one thing, the church is in a state of chaos. The controversy that seems to surround the catholic church is entirely too much. The views and disputes on birth control and approaching populations is far more than people seem to understand. The fact is that church doctrine is less important to people in general since there is a separation of church and state but these are still matters of real importance on the world stage.

If I were to classify this particular Pope it would be as a transitional figure. John Paul II was at the helm for 26 years and became an iconic figure of mythical proportions. It would never be possible to replace him let alone find someone to have a similar impact. Now I assume the church will try to find someone that stands out as far more polarizing, open, and appealing. Given the current state of the church it's fair to wonder if the next in line will consider their charge a lifetime commitment or see resignation as a possibility.