WHEN I DON'T ASK PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP

Have you ever dealt with a nosy person? Have you ever heard of someone you don't know giving opinions on your life? I have been a recipient of that a few times. I feel like bursting every time it happens, at least I did in the past. Today, whenever I hear unrequested opinions, I laugh simply because said opinions are an example of people's desires to live vicariously through others. Opinionated people are a lot like football dads, in that they all want to get their kids to do what they could not.

I have heard a million people say a million things and, as time passes, I find myself less annoyed by this occurrence. I do understand that it's human to have an opinion, I do think it's annoying to have more than one opinion on the same matter though. My reaction to this particular situation is simply to smile, nod, and think " I can't wait until a horny hippopotamus fucks you right up the ass." I know this is a little bit of a jerk attitude on my part but fuck it, life is short.

HERE'S A LESSON KIDS, DON'T PISS OFF A GORILLA

I learned early on in my life that it wasn't smart to piss off any animal. Having grown up appreciating animals I understood that all creatures merited respect. I always also understood that it wasn't smart to try and pick on animals in enclosures because enclosures meant that the animal inside could rip you a new one. To me an animal in an enclosure was a majestic site to respect and behold. I can't tell you how funny it is to read what I read in the news.

I guess some kids were mocking a gorilla in a Dallas zoo when suddenly the gorilla scared the little fuckers into nearly peeing their pants. I have to say I am very happy to hear that the gorilla scared the little miscreants into unison silence. I am sure this gorilla was using his quiet and Gorilla Grodd intellect in order to show the bastards a lesson. The lesson is simple, don't piss off an animal that will literally turn you into a rag doll for its own entertainment.

I remember this older gentleman by the name of Don Carlos. When I was a kid this older gentleman had a house full of exotic animals from chimps, to tigers and so on. One day I think one of his animals, the tiger, almost turned my brother into a kebab for no real reason. When a wild animal decides it's going to get you then you better fucking hope you didn't piss it off so it will let you go sooner. A big thumbs up to the gorilla though, those kids were a bunch of fucks.