5 THINGS I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT

You ever feel like you just don't give a shit anymore? I personally get that feeling quite often. I have decided to list the top five things I could care less or give a shit about in order to vent. In no particular order here they are:

1. V. Stiviano = Cheaters never win and cheap whores never prosper
2. Donald Sterling = Shut the fuck up dirty old man
3. David Letterman's Retirement = You will never be Carson so no one really cares
4. The LA Clippers = They are not the HEAT 
5. Kim K's Wedding = Wasn't invited so I could care less 

Those are five things or, rather, news creating individuals that I don't care for. Let's move on to something interesting please.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE 5 SECONDS MAKES

I'm not a conspiracy theorist which is why I won't whole heartedly commit to the ideas that aliens are out there. Having said that, I have been watching various documentaries about the Kennedy assassination and I keep thinking about how five seconds within that scope is an eternity. Let's take out the conspiracy theories for a second and look at the whole 5 second period.

In five seconds this is what happened:

1. One bullet goes through President Kennedy's neck and strikes Governor John Connally.
2. A bullet misses 
3. A third bullet kills the President. 

During those five seconds everyone in Dallas, in the parade route, went into pandemonium. The US as a whole froze and the direction the world seemed to be going in took a drastic turn. For nearly 50 years there have been theories of all sorts and the mystery remains. Still the idea of such a tiny spectre of time meaning so much is simply astonishing.

EVER WONDER ABOUT LIFE IN A MONASTERY?

Monks have been credited with innovations that have shaped everything from the study of genetics all the way to aviation principles. When you think of a monk you normally think of a person wearing a large robe seeking a form of lifelong spiritual enlightenment.

A monastery, as I imagine it, is a place of silence and introspection. I assume the monastery is a sort of fraternity that's dedicated to a singular noble purpose. I get the feeling though that human nature really surfaces. I mean all that silence, introspection, and thought must lead to curiosity. There have to be some questions surfacing at times.

I think life in a monastery really adds to the creative nature of a person. No type of vice, enlightenment, a clear head, it all really leads to creativity that goes beyond simple questioning and deep into examining the laws established by science, the very science that often challenges religion and dismisses spirituality. Yes, life in a monastery must be some kind of something.

RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE LIKE THE DEVIL'S JUICE

You may either laugh or hate me after reading this, but life isn't perfect so I'm not really concerned. I think that this current span or generation of time we are living in has really made relationships the devil's juice. I don't know if the devil exists or what kind of juice he drinks but relationship juice may be his preference, or hers.

Relationships are so damn complicated, no matter the situation there is always that friction. The man/woman dynamic is so complex in so many ways. The toothpaste has been squeezed the wrong way, there's some show you can't watch because the bitch host looks too good, the explosion is always literally a second away. I love being in a relationship but the truth is that relationships are hard work. Any little thing you say can, and often times will be used against you in the court of sex, public opinion, and the sewing circle/ book club circuit. So why do it?

I have taken the liberty to point out a few of the reasons why we get involved:

1. Companionship
2. Friendship 
3. The sex 
4. Sharing
5. Caring 

All of the mentioned points are valid but for each to be seen there has to be some sort of hellacious journey. I'm not saying this is the rule but it seems to occur often and it gives me that feeling of "okay. "

Perhaps things will change in the future but until then, devil's juice dammit!

SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?

I love being a father, I love kids, and I have fond memories of my childhood and a few defining moments that helped shape a large portion of my behavior. When I was a kid I had a very basic and clear description of the "Don't go there regions." Im certain you are wondering what the hell a " Don't go there region" is, so by all means let me enlighten you. The following list covers some of the major "Don't go there regions" of my youth:

1. Stealing.
2. Raising my voice.
3. Interrupting others.
4. Fighting.
5. Disrespecting my elders.
6. Bullying.
7. Tantrums. 
8. Staying up late.

As I grew each region took on a new dimension but essentially the concept was the same. One thing that I did was test the regions, as it turns out my first test was successful in giving me a clear message that further testing would result in some manner of my own demise.  I will never forget it because it involved 3 regions at once as well as my favorite candy.

I was a five year old and extremely outgoing, I had what some would call a winning personality that captured the heart of many, partly because I was a master at engaging people in conversation. My mom and Step Dad took me to the supermarket after picking me up from school. This particular trip was a welcome change as it meant that I could play both sides against the middle and get a box of Jordan Almonds, my favorite candy. 

I attempted to work my plan when, in unison, my parents said " NO." I could see my hope evaporate, the taste of the sweet shell left as soon as it had arrived. In my young and semi- devious mind I was crushed as well as blinded by my ambition. The 1980's were a decade of greed and I was greedy for my candy. Naturally I did what came natural to a child that age and threw a tantrum, my mother squashed it with something I like to refer to as the eyebrow of death. I wrestled the almonds away from my step dad's hand and darted to the comfort of our car. I thought this was done and over seeing as how possession is nine tenths of the law. I was so mistaken as both my parents spanked me, took the almonds, and proceeded to punish me. 

Now I flash forward thirty years and think of some of the kids I see today. Parents are totally afraid to discipline their kids and the little fuckers know, and often take advantage of the situation. I'm not saying this is the majority of cases or even half but I swear it sickens me. Parents don't need to beat the shit out of their kids but some parameters and a spanking when necessary in order to assert authority works way better than a conversation. Spanking is not abuse, using a belt or going medieval is. What was done to our parents in the 50's and 60's helped spawn peace and love and that's great, but seriously.