CASABLANCA REMAKE STARS SIGNED UP

It's been a tightly guarded secret but it's now public knowledge in Hollywood circles that a remake of Casablanca is in pre production. The rumor mill has been buzzing with talk of the cast but three stars have been confirmed for the film. Vin Diesel will play the role of Rick while Anne Hathaway will play the role of Ilsa. Chances are that Steve Buscemi will play the role of Signor Ugarte given his eery resemblance to the late Peter Lorre.

There is still a debate as to who will direct, so far the names out there are Michael Bay and Baz Luhrmann. The current script calls for flashy musical numbers and lot's of sequence. They are calling the new Casblanca a classic remake with Guys and Dolls flare. If Michael Bay directs the film chances are that there will be more explosions and some sort of spacial connection that will see the Nazis in the film turn into outer space creatures. It's also rumored that Dwayne Johnson will serve as executive producer given his love of classic cinema. 

It was reported that Diesel will like be paid over 35 million dollars while Hathaway will be paid 22 million. James Cameron is said to have invested 56 million dollars in an effort for some creative control. Multiple sources indicate that Cameron wants to do part of the film in CGI and create an Avatar and Beowulf mix. This project has shaken the foundation of Hollywood's power structure and it's being hailed as the next movie making revolution. 

Hollywood has been struggling to find a way into a new golden age which has been stolen by indie films. With this project chances are that dialogue driven master pieces will become the center piece of Hollywood filmmaking once more. If you have read this far and believe even a third of this, shame on you.

WHEN A PERSON BECOMES RIDICULOUS AND ANNOYING IN A SINGLE ACTION

I think Anne Hathaway is a great actress and she seems like a nice person. Normally I don't really comment on celebrities because I am more interested in the characters that they play than on their personal lives. I do have a slight problem when celebrities decide that they will put themselves so far out of normalcy that they become the center of attention for some ridiculous reason that no one cares for.

I have written about the flu being no different for celebrities than for normal people as well as addictions being issues of privacy that should never surface for purposes of entertainment. Now I want to turn my attention back to Anne Hathaway. After the Oscars Anne Hathaway released a statement apologizing for her choice of dress. At first I wondered if it was because of the nipple situation but then I realized it was the total opposite as I read on. I guess Anne Hathaway felt that her not wearing a Valentino Dress was socially relevant enough for her to take to the media with it.

The fact is that it would make her seem less out of touch and more of a substantial person if she said " I am sorry I had an all night nipple bonanza" or " I am sorry I have not done more for women's rights." It is beyond annoying when something as forgettable as a dress or rather a designer choice becomes fodder for every news outlet in the world. Once again we are all about trends so I guess Joseph Kony is out and Catwoman's dress choice is in. Frankly I don't care for any of that and I don't think it should be such a big deal that every medium picks it up to the extent that it trumps news of nuclear warfare.

I am glad that Anne Hathaway is a loyal friend of Valentino's but I think that maybe she could have just called him and sent him a basket of some sort in order to make things right. I think she could have also sent him an autographed copy of The Princess Diaries on blu ray. The fact is that everyone is looking at Anne Hathaway as a bit of an annoying person for this action and I am inclined to agree.

Anne Hathaway please shut your mouth and don't try to be relevant beyond film because you are not doing a great job of that right now.

VATICAN HOUSE PARTY!

It's official, the Pope is no longer in the house. Yesterday was the Pontiff's last day as the one and only Holy Leader of the Catholic Church. After a near eight year papacy the lead Catholic of the free world walked away with what I would assume is a fairly decent 401k and residency plan that will likely include a sweet apartment located somewhere in Vatican City. I can imagine that the Pope was given an intimate house party in order to say goodbye to him.

I imagine that the Pope probably drank some fine wine and ate some of the very best cheese and Genoa Salami sliced to perfection for even the for the most finicky of eaters. I can imagine some of the conversations had at said party between the Pope and say, a Cardinal.

The following is a proposed transcript of said conversation between the Pope and Cardinal #1:

Pope: This is some fine salami!

Cardinal #1: Only the best your eminency.

Pope: So anyone coming out to the private planking ceremony at the holy bannister?

Cardinal #1: Yes, in fact Father Alberto confirmed he is coming.

Pope: Ah, Alberto is a player.

Cardinal# 1: He has a hottie on his arm.

Pope: Pass me some more of the salami and a little more of that Don Melchor.

Cardinal# 1: Of course your eminency.

Pope: Did you catch the Oscars?

Cardinal #1: No your eminency.

Pope: That Anne Hathaway has lovely boobies.

Cardinal #1: Yes?

Pope: I did not like her choice of dress but I shall forgive her if she performs the Harlem Shake.

Cardinal #1: What?

Pope: The Harlem Shake, hot dance.

Cardinal #1: Any thoughts for a replacement suggestion?

Pope: Not sure, I was going to suggest Justin Bieber in order to appeal to both the 18 to 34 demographic and the Cardinal Law division.

Cardinal#1: What, who is this Bieber?

Pope: He is a lot like Anne Hathaway in that he is perky, short haired, and hateful.

Cardinal# 1: What about a latin Pope?

Pope: I am thinking Ricky Martin would be a good choice.

Cardinal # 1: Your Eminence please this is serious.

Pope: Fuck it man I am gone, I have to tend to my farmville and I have to  tweet some pictures of my new place. I also have to attend the concert of my lifelong dear friend Tom Flack, he just released a hit single that is number one in over 40 countries where the radio has yet to be invented.

Yes I am making light of all of this because while I myself am a Catholic I can safely say that the Church has been steadily losing its moral standing for years and has done little in order to change it. How can an institution with so many hidden skeletons provide a moral compass when it doesn't really have one itself? I am not trying to be controversial but the truth of the matter is that faith and spirituality reside in the individual and not so much on outdated once governmental doctrines outlined by people as human as you and me.

Perhaps I am just jaded but hey that is what's great about living in a free country and a world society that for the most part allows a form of democracy to prevail. I say believe and be led by what your heart and soul tell you is the right way to go.