THE FUCKER IN THE BACK ROW

I love going to the movies but I really hate a lot of the people that also partake in said activity. I think it's safe to say that there are sections or groups that are certain to go to a movie theatre ready to really mess your day up just by virtue of their existence. Let me further elaborate on what I am trying to state here.

When you arrive at the box office the line is full of the visibly shitty crowd and it goes in a specific order. Toward the back you have a few punks that think they are tough thug like beings. Closer to the front you have the the four teen girls that look like prostitutes in training wearing clothes that reveal mosquito bite cleavage, lack of guidance, and no ass at all. As you scan it toward the front there is the family comprised of something like 5 kids all of them with ADD and a marriage composed of a two beings that despise one another.

While moving up it's easy to spot the senior citizens asking for a discount, popcorn refills, a low salt menu and a fucking map to the nearest bathroom. Once you get the tickets you get in line to pay at least 100 dollars for a small box of Nestle Snow Caps and some Gummy Bears that will be gone before the movie even starts. On the way to the theatre you go to the bathroom and have to wait for the kid having diarrhea and crying because his poops look like coca cola.

When you get to the theatre you sit and see the people coming in and settle down. Slowly but surely you realize you are in for a pre show as the teen bitches text, the family argues and the thugs terrorize the senior citizens. With this fabulous mix you at the kid that already has a sever case of the shits and you realize this may not be what you'd hoped for in terms of entertainment. When the movie starts the asshole in the back row starts kicking your seat, farting, and laughing loudly.

I think that is the worst part of the whole experience, the back fucking row. The ass, or wildcard is there ready to fuck up your life. For the next 90 to 120 minutes you dream of ways to kill this person's soul and desire for living only to later realize that your life was significantly shortened by one person's massive case of asshole. Yes I hate the fucker in the back row but for the sake of my sanity I have learned to tolerate him and I suggest others do the same for their enjoyment.

FUCK THE DUCK LIPS

I have heard the term Duck Lips many times and I decided to research it. The Urban Dictionary provided me with some definitions such as "The face used by teens in many Facebook pictures." I decided to look into the matter a little further by researching duck lips through the google image file. The duck lips are an epidemic of the ignorant tweener that feels it's a seductive look.

What exactly created that look? Well if you look around and see pictures of old time movie stars you realize that they began this particular epidemic. The duck lips went unnoticed for years while gaining speed from the 1950's through the 1980's then slowly they became the staple of every model wannabe. 

As of today the duck lips are something that everyone does to draw attention and who is to blame?

Social Media is the culprit that is to blame for the proliferation of the duck lip. Every ugly SOB does that and a good question is why? Ducks are not at all sexy and duck lips are not at all seductive. I think the Duck Lip is vital yet silent part of the social media revolution. I say let's do something about this now people. 

Let us start an anti duck lip movement that revolves around the shutting down of every Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, TOUT, and so forth of the duck lip fools. Let's do it people let's revolutionize the world by leaving the duck lips on the ducks.