THE CROWDED MARKETS

As a child I used to love watching Japanese animation cartoons. I was a fan of Astroboy, Voltron, and many others. I later began to watch the films like Akira which were absolutely breath taking. I remember the Sci Fi channel used to play them every Saturday morning, making Sci Fi destination television. Somewhere along the way Japanese animation became a part of the American landscape and 99 out of 100 shows were some Japanese animation transplant like Beyblade, or Pokemon. 

I don't mind that these shows are so popular I just mind that they lack strong stories. I was learning about death, loyalty, and teamwork with shows like Voltron. I think that kids don't really appreciate or understand the idea of a strong story, partly because it's not on their immediate radar as compared to all the bright colors and cool robots.

I guess it's a sign of my times that now I see things the way my parents saw them when I was a youngster. Perhaps my views will change and I'll learn to appreciate the market saturation, but for the time being I won't.

MY FIRST BRUSH WITH INSANITY

You ever have a brush with insanity? I remember when I first met this particular aide of the mind. I was about 6 years old, the year was 1985. I use to love to watch cartoons on Sunday mornings. I was a morning person and the youngest in my home, so being up early was almost a requirement. I was really heavy into action cartoons but I had a soft spot for Warner Brothers classics. I remember one Sunday morning in 1985 very well because what I saw gave me the feeling that it was okay to think beyond normal, and into the insane.

The cartoon I saw was called Porky in Wackyland, that cartoon was a gem of insanity that saw Porky fly into some sort of crazy world in search of the one and only Do Do. I thought this was some cutting edge stuff. This world known as Wackyland was the first visual psychedelic world that was visual to society. This short was crafted in 1938 and it became something of a hit, with children and parents. The thing is that this cartoon was a serious step into surrealism.

Surrealism, to me, is something of a state of insanity. Visually speaking this cartoon was a trip to insanity for me. I did not understand this cartoon and I hated the fact that it had no anvils, pianos, that it had cartoony qualities whatsoever. Weeks later I would see things in clouds and come up with stories about the world in general. I was an oddball of sort because I could see more than He Man or other trendy characters.

I wondered if I was crazy for feeling this way, but I realized years later that I was not crazy. This cartoon introduced me to insanity, a friend and aide. When it's properly controlled and reigned in, insanity is a special friend. Thanks Porky, I owe you for that special day.

THE WISDOM OF AQUA TEEN

Did I get your attention with this one? Good. One of my favorite shows is Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The show is not really full of wisdom unless you are missing a significant portion of your common sense but it's no biggie because it's funny. A talking milkshake, a box of fries, and a wad of meat. The three live in New Jersey next to a hairy, crass and generally dirty man by the name of Carl. I think Meatwad is the coolest character and sometimes he  is the wisest.

While Frylock seems to have  a keen scientific mind and a great deal of common sense, Meatwad has a great deal of kindness in his meaty soul. Master Shake is like the asshole that you love to hate. I like the dynamic between Meatwad and Master Shake. Master Shake is like a bully that continually tortures Meatwad because he is jealous and yet he seems to spend more time with him.

I love the way the Aqua Teens have a symbiotic relationship with Carl. Carl needs the Aqua Teens and they need him. It seems like Carl and the Aqua Teens are destined to help one another through hard times of their own creation. Yes, I just crafted an entry about a show on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim line up. I did this in order to prove that even the most insipid of shows has something behind it. Absolutely everything that requires outlandish creativity has something good behind it, remember that next time you watch some ridiculous reality TV series.

SCOOBY DOO AFTER 1972!

From 1969 to 1972 Scooby Doo had its glory run. A period of 19 years followed in which there were a good 5 to 6 incarnations of the show and they all sucked. In this day and age of reality television on whorish society let's talk about Scooby in realistic terms. I want to give a new breakdown of what would have happened to them after 1972.

Freddie Jones: The team captain and golden boy of the team. After 1972 Freddie was initially offered parts in American Graffiti, Paper Moon, Corvette Summer and was even offered the part of Han Solo in Star Wars. His demands for high salaries were too unrealistic and he was eventually reduced to guest appearances in Fantasy Island, Highway to Heaven, Emergency, and Falcon Crest. Freddie found himself looking for a new way to make money so he went into politics and ran unsuccessfully for US Congress, and Senate as an independent candidate whose platform was NO MORE OF THE SAME! Fred was disillusioned with politics and showbiz and became a very successful Commercial Real Estate broker. On a personal level Fred had a stormy relationship with Daphne that spanned from 1971 to 1978. Daphne and Fred had one child named William Alfred Jones. Today Fred and Willie are close and Fred and Daphne are on speaking terms. Fred still loves his cars avocado green and has a beautiful collection of ascots. Fred is still in litigation with Hanna Barbera for a his unpaid royalties.

Daphne Blake: Daphne was the sex kitten of the group, beautiful, exotic and fiery. After 1972 she was in a stormy relationship with Fred which spawned a child. From 1973 to 1974 Daphne was a regular on The New Dick Van Dyke Show Daphne was at one point rumored to be the love interest of Richard Dawson, host of Family Feud and her former co star. The rumors were not true as Daphne was famously repulsed by Richard Dawson's lascivious nature. After 1974 Daphne was a popular theatre star and appeared numerous times in "The Carol Burnett Show" and a regular guest on Mike Douglas. Daphne became dependent on painkillers but kicked the habit quickly after a stint in Betty Ford. Through the 80's Daphne focused on her music career, releasing 5 albums, 1 platinum and 4 gold. After her career stalled out in the 90's ad her grunge album "Red Crazy Society" tanked, she took a break. Daphne became an advocate for baby seals along with Brigitte Bardot. Today Daphne still does appearances, most notably in "JAG" and NCIS. Daphne and her son are extremely close and she and Fred maintain a good communication.

Velma Dinkley: "CHINKIES" Velma was the smart though socially awkward one of the group. A skilled writer, spectacular historian, and great conversationalist. Velma was Daphne's less attractive but really "amazing" friend. after 1972 Velma retired to her home in Beverly Hills, Velma was a shrewd investor so she had stashed a fortune in 3 short years. Velma established a clothing line to be sold in Sears, and Puerto Rican chain store Gonzalez Padin. The line was called Simply Velma. After the success of her line Velma wrote an autobiography detailing the debauchery at Hanna Barbera parties. She even detailed the near OD of Elroy Jetson, after leaning that he would no longer be employed if he grew any further. The book entitled " Heavens to Mergatron: Bunch of Asses" was a number one bestseller on the New York Times list for well over 47 weeks. Velma then wrote 5 thrillers, all of them number one. After 1987 Velma took a break and married She had twin boys, Ralph and Mitchell (b. 1988) and one girl, Gloria (b. 1990). After a 2002 divorce Velma has focused on her children and on her multiple business ventures.

Norville "Shaggy" Rogers: Shaggy was the constantly afraid, hungry, marijuana smoker. After 1972 Shaggy had nothing but a roller coaster life trying to focus on his music. Shaggy recorded a 1974 pop album with his girlfriend Josie. The album entitled " True Love" was certified gold. Success was short lived however as Shaggy and Josie split and Shaggy was almost immediately given a DUI. After spending 90 days in prison Shaggy was released to a career in shambles. By 1977 Shaggy had cleaned up his act and was now exercising regularly. In 1978 Shaggy was back in television doing guest spots in Fantasy Island and guest hosting "That's Incredible." Shaggy was on the comeback trail and everything was wonderful until 1982. When 1982 came around Shaggy fell of his bike on the pacific palisades busting up his leg and ankle and finding himself in rehabilitation with a new addiction to alcohol. After a long battle and several DUI arrests, Shaggy was clean and in the recording studio, he wrote many successful songs for Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, and Pearl Jam. Shaggy fathered three kids with his girlfriend Shelly from Jabberjaw fame. Currently Shaggy lives in his Montana ranch raising Black Angus cattle. Hemp is also a big part of The Rogers Ranch as well.

Scooby Doo: Scooby was the perpetually frightened dog. After 72' Scooby Doo became a producer for Hanna Barbera  for 8 years. Scooby produced several shows from Astro to The Herculoids. In 1993 Scooby was instrumental in the sale of Hanna Barbera's catalog to Ted Turner for 394 million dollars. After a brief retirement Scooby attempted to launch his own superstation and after that failure led him to near bankruptcy Scooby found himself producing reality television and in crowded company as one of the many individuals to put his tongue down Paris Hilton's throat. Currently Scooby is attempting to produce a reunion show and a reality show based on the gang from Mistery Inc.