AN ODD COUPLE MADE IN COMEDY HEAVEN

I haven't really kept up with the news of Vladimir Putin's latest shenanigans, simply because I don't particularly care for him in any respect. When I saw a picture circulating of Putin next to Steven Seagal my curiosity was peaked. I glanced over the article where the "Star" called Putin a brother and so on. I realized then that Putin has a side gig, luring fat has been actors into Russia with promises of of doughnuts, cheese, and fine wine.

I think Putin believes that with warriors like Seagal and Gerard Depardieu he can make make the world think twice about his martial arts and governing abilities. Seagal is a Mob Hitman, CIA Operative, Martial Arts Guru, Action Star, Cop, Reality Star and Voodoo Priest. The implications here are that Putin can learn so very much from the jolly fat weapon of mass pollution, he may well be unstoppable.

Let's see how these two bangerz threaten the world, and yes that was a Miley reference.

BATHROOM ETIQUETTE.......BECAUSE IT'S REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY

If you are offended by restrooms, feces, urine, and toilet paper, this particular entry is not for you. Im writing not about the natural process of expelling waste from the body but about the required etiquette when doing so in public.

The public restroom was created for the purpose of helping individuals comfortably go about the day without a tight bladder, or for that matter a clogged sphincter. The public restroom and the latrine are noble servants of a worthy yet disgusting cause. I do often wonder why so many people fail to respect the public restroom and the crowd of respectful attendees.

I am referring to those moments in time when you walk into the stall and there is a ton of shit with toilet paper just begging to be flushed. You get that "flush me" bug in your ear but you won't because what you are looking at is some repugnant shit. I know it's not a pleasant image so strike it and think " What can I do to make it better? "

I have taken the liberty to answer that question with a list of proper bathroom behaviors that should be observed:

1) Flush, it's not a fucking science.
2) Don't use the whole roll, it's not a necessity.
3) If there is explosive content emanating, flush twice.
4) Don't pee on the seat, I mean who the hell does that?
5) Teach your kids the rules, shitting on the walls in order to spell your name is not cute.
6) Do not write Jamiroquai lyrics in poop, it's not a talent.
7) Don't skank up the sink.

Men, women, children, follow these damn rules, for the love of earth.