Tuesday, February 17, 2015

TOP TEN BRUCE JENNER FEMALE NAMES


Now that Bruce Jenner has discovered he is a girl I have taken it upon myself to come up with possible names for him. The list reads as follows:


  1. Kimberly Jenner Saggy Tits
  2. Kanyeonce West
  3. Beyonce Z Kardi
  4. The World's Ugliest ho
  5. Atletica Mamando
  6. Armanda La Wango Tango
  7. Jannay Wheatie 
  8. Deca Jones
  9. America Vaginalis
  10. Fanny Brittany Martinez Johanson 
These are some possibilities, good luck Bruce, hope they bronze your balls and put them in the Smithsonian. 

Thursday, February 12, 2015

A FEW BRIAN WILLIAMS MEMES TO BRIGHTEN THE DAY








This is what happens when you lie from a position of public moral authority.

YOU HAVEN'T MADE IT...................UNLESS YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF A NET DEATH HOAX



When I was growing up I used to hear comedians say that " you haven't made it unless you've been in Johnny Carson's Tonight Show." If you fast forward a few decades, making it is now determined by internet death hoax. Every relevant celebrity is usually killed twice before actually dying. Everyone from Mickey Rourke to Morgan Freeman has been the victim of unfortunate internet death. It's eerie to think that sometimes the victim of said death is close enough to the grave for the rumor to be believed and spread, case and point: Chespirito. Ah death, makes a star of us all!

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

TOP TEN LITTLE KNOWN THINGS LIKELY TO HAVE BEEN MISREMEMBERED BY BRIAN WILLIAMS


Okay come on now, the whole  Brian Williams thing is too delightful to pass up. Without further distraction here is a top ten of little known things Brian may have remembered differently:

1) That time he haggled with a crack whore, as Brian remembers it he was asking for directions and not a New York Minute.

2) That one time he told his wife he was a asking a kind lady for directions in a back alley because he got lost on the way to Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

3) Brian may have misremembered that one time he shared a bonding moment with Bruce Jenner at Tom Brokaw's Grammy party.

4) When he politely nudged an old lady across the street, he may have remembered that a bit different.

5) When he  shared a special experience with his scout master, that may also have been a slight inaccuracy.

6) That time he gave Obama a " hard time" about Obamacare..........( That's for conservative and FOX News people, do with it what you must)

7) Brian may not be clear on the whole pimping bitches in Branson incident.

8) I think Brian may also have misremembered about that famous orgy in Bernie Madoff's vault.

9) The time he told a bunch of children about the existence of Santa Klaus and how he once rhode the sleigh.

10) That one time at band camp when he may have jammed..........okay a bit dated but who doesn't love a good American Pie reference?

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

LOVE HURTS.................OR I JUST WANT YOU FOR YOUR BODY


If you haven't kept up, America's jailhouse sweetheart Charles Manson was engaged to be married to a girl nearly 100 years younger than him. If you fast forward the clock it seems apparent that Uncle Charles has been bitten by the love monster, you know the one that leaves you broke and confused. I guess Manson's fiancé wanted him for his body, literally. No, the girl did not want a piece of his Mansonrang ( Batman reference ), she literally wanted his corpse. The girl wanted Manson's body so she could exhibit it as a sort of tourist attraction. I have to say this girl is about the most entrepreneurial person yet. Can you imagine the Facebook fan page? Oh the Instagram tags! #Manson #EmpireState, #Californiasexay, #Killerbiotch. I think it's kind of funny that a heartless killer has had his heart broken. Love baby, it conquers all!

Thursday, February 5, 2015

EVERYONE LOVES WHORE MONGERING BEARS


It's Ted and he's coming back in TED 2. I love this bear because he just doesn't give a shit and breaks all the rules. In this day and age of tepid political correctness we should all be more like Ted and drink, screw, and repeat. Okay there sensitivity peeps I'm joking but I do recommend watching this for the mindless and worry free entertainment it provides. Life as I see it, (pun) is just too short.

WHY TRENDING NEWS ARE JUST TOTAL SHIT


The image above shows Paris Hilton's brother Conrad, an apparent douchebag that may get to do some hard time due to a tantrum he threw on a flight. The little cocksucker called everyone peasants and scared little kids, he also apparently attacked flight attendants. I'm assuming his issue stems from having to DP his sister's sex vids (double entendre). What's funny is that while this is a news story worth noting given the serious nature of the incident, it was his sister's name that was trending. Way to take one for the team Paris, we love you and hope you never die.

A LITTLE BIT OF TREBLE MAY HELP THAT BASS


I get that sexy is a big deal in today's society but seriously, at what the cost? Let's talk about the Brazilian ass champion that know look like a living example of the family classic board game Operation. I guess this girl wanted her orb to be the one that every ass pirate dreams of. In an attempt to make her ass even more worthy of praise she decided to go ahead and get some sort of illegal injection ( illegal in Brazil, SHIT) that gave her serious funk. The image above shows the results of her ass quest, and leads me to the following question, What is wrong with the world today?

BRUCE..............REALLY?


I've never been critical of people's choices but FUCK, Bruce Jenner? I guess I'm having a hard time thinking of the decathlete  superman as a lady. Now whenever I watch an episode of CHIPS with Bruce in it it just won't be the same. I guess this is a logical step for him given the fact that he spent almost two decades being emasculated by that sexy, cougar hooker, ex wife of his. Bruce certainly isn't the first athlete to do this though, back in the 1970's Renée Richards, once known as Richard Raskind, did the same thing and went on to compete in women's tennis. Seriously though, they should release a 40th anniversary commemorative Wheaties box with Bruce as his new self.